by Elesha Bonhomme 16 days ago in list

If you can relate to any of these, time to make a change... like yesterday!

Photo by _Mxsh_ on Unsplash

We’ve all been there, done that, Sis… And it’s ABOUT TIME to get the hell up outta there and never do it again! Be done making these top 5 mistakes when it comes to attracting a man and certainly don’t do them if you want to have a long-term relationship. Once you quit doing these 5 things, you will be ready to meet your twin flame, your hearts desired, your one true love… and there’s MORE that can bloom out of knowing this!

By realizing any mistakes you've been making plus working to correct them, you will be on the path to discovering your true divine feminine power (realization + correction = steppingstones to goddessness and ideal mate).

Once you have improved the way you go about attracting men and fully step into your divine feminine self, finding your perfect soul mate will be on autopilot. Yes, autopilot because you will not have to put on an overly flirtatious shit shows, nor act like someone you are not. You will be free to simply be. And that’s more than enough (YOU ARE MORE THAN ENOUGH) to attract your man without even trying.

Ok, let's get into these mistakes already!


Yes, like the flirtatious shit show I was just telling you about. Not needed, we are done with that now. Other than that, however, you may be asking what does trying too hard look like? Well, I am sure you have seen someone who seems to be trying too hard in your opinion, right? Maybe they have makeup caked on way too thick or are hanging all over the cute guy they just met rather pathetically… ringing any bells?

Underlying all the physical/outward appearances of what "trying too hard” means, what trying too hard TRULY MEANS is someone acting in such a way that does not show proof that they have real value or love for themselves.

For instance (back to the shit show), doing a table dance at a busy bar to get his attention or wearing that Halloween costume all year-round while out on the prowl for a mate. At a deeper level, trying too hard can also be losing your true self and your desires for the relationship.

Goddess Tip: A goddess would never ever ever allow her light to be dimmed in order to meet or keep a man. Trying too hard is a major light dimmer There are far too many men out there who will love her just as she is.


If you are a woman on this planet (Earth -in case Vocal goes galactic) then you are well aware of the constant and consistent silent fem-rivalry happening daily in many areas of life but mainly in our own heads. Yep! You and I have probably made of 95% or more of this competition in our minds! It’s basically us against ourselves when we compete with other women. This competition war we wage on our sisters is just plain wrong and can be quite cruel. And GUESS WHAT!? Men don’t care for it at all!

Let me help you see what I am saying here; for a man who is taking multiple women on dates throughout the week, when his date says something like; “I don’t own my house yet, but most of the girls I grew up with don’t even have a car,” or “Most women couldn’t afford to live the way I do.” Upon hearing such statements that make it seem like you are out to prove you are better than other women makes him mentally cross you off the “gets another date” list… though he may still keep you on the “potential booty call” list.

And that’s another thing we as women get twisted. We are sitting here thinking he is into us and this could lead to a real long-term relationship because he calls sometimes to hang out which almost always leads to some bump and grind, but unbeknownst to us, we were actually on the booty call list the entire time!

Goddess Tip: A goddess is never on the booty call list unless it’s by choice.


You may be thinking, “isn’t this the same thing as competing,” but let me explain. The comparing we are talking about here is not the put other women down to look better competitive comparisons, this is the comparing that brings your vibe down. This is when one compares herself to a woman who she thinks is superior to her in some way; be it thinking she is prettier, or has a nicer ass, or better body type, or more confident than she could ever be. This is a curse of being human, looking at others, judging them, and comparing that judgment to ourselves. But GOOD NEWS, you can stop this too! It will take some practice, but once you no longer compare yourself to others you can live a happier freer life.

Goddess Tip: A goddess knows she is a unique being to whom there is no comparison.


Lack of trust is having one foot in the relationship and one foot out the door, ready to be betrayed or hurt and ready to move on as quick and pain-free as possible. That quick and pain-free part may sound like a pretty good reason to stick with the lack of trust, but that is only because you have felt heartbreak in the past and it’s a natural defense mechanism to put up a wall and say, “I will never trust a man again.” But to what end? I’ll tell you what end! It ends with you being lonely and single for waaaaaay longer than you care to admit or having relationship after relationship fail.

When trust is not given from the VERY START, the relationship will be like standing in the desert wanting to plant a garden, but you can’t plant a single thing. Why? It’s not because things can’t grow in the desert, they can with a good water supply, rather it is because sand storms keep flowing in that whip you hard in the face until you give up trying to do anything productive in that space.

So, you either say peace out and leave or you get used to the thrashing sharp sands and stay. Staying in a relationship where you do not fully give trust from the beginning can wear both you and your partner down mentally. And when it wears you down so much you may become complacent to wanting a better relationship and settle for a person you probably didn’t want to be with in the first place.

[If you are in an abusive relationship, you do not deserve it. Please get help - Call 1-800-799-7233 or chat with someone online at]

Goddess Tip: A goddess always gives trust first, but if it is broken, gaining it back will be hard won.


We are all unique individuals with unique talents and abilities. You may not know what your talent or abilities are yet, and that’s okay. As long as when you do discover them you share with him. Pretending to be only what he wants and like only what he likes is a waste of your gifts… and LIFE for that matter. He wants to see all the unique sides that make you you! If you want him to be that special someone in your life for the long haul, then show him how special you truly are.

**Soon I will write an article to help you discover your hidden talents. In the meantime, don’t be afraid to put yourself out there! And if he doesn’t love it, he is likely not the one you were meant to be with anyway.

Goddess Tip: A goddess is never afraid to share her talent and gifts to whoever she pleases when she pleases.

Thank you for reading. My hope is that you begin to find your way back to your truest self, your goddess self, and that you can swiftly correct any of these mistakes you may have made in the past so that you can finally have that ideal mate and fulfilling relationship. Blessings.

Elesha Bonhomme
Elesha Bonhomme
Read next: 'Chocolate Kisses'
Elesha Bonhomme

Mother of 3 beautiful beings , Love outdoors , Love fun , Positivity & Empathy are my Top 2 Strengths, Avid Audible and Libby listener , Plant-based cleaning product user , Studied Social Work .

See all posts by Elesha Bonhomme