The symbol of enduring love: a Rose

Her name was Rose, her favorite flower was the double hibiscus. Our yard had three different colors and variety of hibiscus. That flower is beautiful and so was my mother. She did not work outside of the home. Her remarkable contribution to our home life was what she did inside the house with us, her family. We were taught not to call her, my dad and any other older person by their given name so from here on, I will refer to my mother as Mommy Rose.

Mommy Rose was the youngest child of 4 children. She was born when her 1 brother and 2 sisters had already left home and married. Her mother was 48 years old when she gave birth to her. She was a surprise to my grand mother.

Granny was a maid, working in homes of the rich. Being poor taught mom to manage money well and to be content with little. She married a man of means. His life was different and similar. How? Different because he was the only child of an affluent family and his mother was young enough to be the daughter of my maternal grandmother. Similar because he grew up alone just as she did.

Mommy Rose was 1 year older than my dad. The two of them were a united team in their wish for a large family and in their upbringing of that family. We were 7 children, 2 boys and 5 girls. I thought we were the largest family on earth. My parents would sew matching outfits for us all with matching hats and bags. Whenever we went somewhere, I felt ashamed of the large army we made. We always went places together as a family. Today, I look back and I am filled with appreciation for all the time, attention and love they demonstrated to us over the years.

My mom was determined to teach her kids to manage money well and not squander it because we had it. She would tell my dad regularly that we may not fall in love with someone like him so she wanted us to be competent homemakers. She did not want us to be disadvantaged and disrespected by our mates and the mate's family because we did not know how to cook, clean and manage finances.

She also wanted us to be compassionate, generous and sensitive to the needs of others. Kids are basically selfish so she had an uphill battle to do this but what made it easy for her is that she started when we were very young and she set the example. That was all we knew, her way.

So here is how she set about teaching us. The eldest boy, Josiah, was taught to cook, bake, (yes, we baked our own bread, made our own peanut butter, marmalade and fruit preserves, ice cream, cakes, sausages, ground meat and many other things that you may have to go out to buy) sew clothing, repair radios, refrigerators and fix cars. Rachel, the eldest girl, second child can do those things just like the 3rd and 4th child however, Josiah, the eldest, can do it the best. The rest of us learned but not as well as those older children.

In addition, we learned to clean fish (my dad loved to go fishing), shell shrimp, wash floors, sweep, go shopping, care for our dogs and wash windows. We learned early how to purchase the best fruits and vegetables. We learned to buy in bulk and not small portions every day since that proves to be more expensive. We learned to buy fresh from farmers and not groceries. The quality is always better. We learned to grow vegetables and fruits. We learned to freeze, can and pickle things when we get them in bulk, when they are in season. We learned to share the bounty with others who did not have.

My dad, due to his background, would insist that my mom hire a maid for the housework. My mom did not agree but she knew those women needed a job so she would cooperate with my dad and when the women came to work, she would just give them clothes to iron. All the other work was carried out by my siblings and I with my mom’s oversight. We had schedules and took turns with certain chores. There was no boy or girl division of labor. Everyone did everything. Both my sisters-in-law love that their husbands know how to bake and cook and do laundry and dishes if needed.

We always thought the women came to just iron clothing but, we later learned that my mom hated ironing and that was the only thing she let the women do. This allowed them to have a job and dignity when they collected the pay my dad arranged and it allowed my mom to ensure that her children learn to do all the other things necessary to maintain a home.

When it comes to managing money, she taught us this: take $10.00 (this was in 1977) never spend every cent on candy and toys or Enid Blyton books as in my case. You can buy something for yourself, for example, candy or toy/book with $1. 00, then you can put $6.00 in the school passbook. Then hold onto $3.00 for anything like surprise spending or helping someone else or buying a gift for a sibling or parent. When it came to the end of our elementary school years, we all had a substantial amount of money in our school pass books. This was transferred to a real bank account when we turned 16. That feeling was so good.

As regards to showing fellow feeling, generosity and sensitivity to others' needs, Mommy Rose demonstrated how to do this by sending us to the homes of some of the elderly ladies in our religion. There was one who lost her sight during a surgery, one who was unable to bend due to some injury in her back, one who was wheelchair bound and one whose hands were arthritic and painfully gnarled. We were sent to sweep, tidy up, wash dishes or even cook a meal for these persons. We became friends with these ladies and saw them as persons with feelings not old ladies to be afraid of. We also saw our mom cooking extra and packing up bags with food for families not as fortunate as ours. We were not always willing to share but she reminded us of how we felt when we received something from her or daddy, “Well” she said, “let someone else get that feeling by giving them something nice.”

We did not celebrate birthdays and holidays like most of our classmates, however, my mom would encourage us to create small handmade cards and gifts, bake cakes and cookies and we could take turns just bringing them to our classes and sharing them out. This really helped when Christmas, Easter and birthday times came for the other children and I was not able to give them a gift. I do this to a much smaller degree at my job and it helps my work mates be more understanding when holidays come around.

When one of us came home and complained that we did not have any friends at school, Mommy Rose taught us that we could look around for other children who seemed lonely and approach them. This usually worked well. I have strong long-lasting friendships due to heeding my mom’s advice.

How these lessons affect our lives as adults: My brother Josiah, the eldest owns a catering business and supplies supermarkets and mall cafes with pastries and cakes. Years ago, he was a tailor but that ended when he got married and migrated to another country. He loves cars and repairs them.

Rachel, the eldest girl and the second girl Jael, both work in education and both use their free time and resources to help others in need. Emmanuel, the fourth child, works in construction and is skilled with woodwork. Many times, I know he does this work for free when he meets with someone who needs a home and is without the funds to pay for it. He works with a group of guys who are like minded.

I am the 5th child. I am a nurse. I give lots of my time to helping the sick. I spend lots of my free time advocating for patients. Jonna, the 6th child is a detective in a large city. She is a finance and computer whiz. The last child, Aquila was born when my mom was 49! My mom and dad surprised us with that news. We were angry and embarrassed when we learned about the newcomer. Mommy Rose was already sporting silvery locks so when she showed up pregnant, we wanted to disown her. But my mom taught us to be graceful and find a reason to embrace change. Our baby sister is now a grown married woman who works with special education for young children born with developmental issues and or physical disabilities. Both her and her husband spend time giving to the community they live in.

My beloved mom was a victim of early onset Alzheimer’s Disease and after a twelve-year decline, she went to sleep one night in her bed. She still lives on in each of her children. She did not get to see the full results of her hard work.

There is one other thing she taught me as a woman, she never argued loudly with my dad. Sometimes, we could hear daddy arguing/yelling in the room, but we never heard her saying anything, however, we would eventually hear daddy say, “Okay Rose, I agree.” To this day we do not know what she said to him because she was so dignified and quiet. We never got a chance to ask her.

I was the first girl in the family to marry and my mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s just as I was celebrating my first wedding anniversary. I never got a chance to trade married life stories with my mom.

We all learned that arguing in front of the children is not the best plan and we learn that respecting each other and supporting each other was vital in a marriage. My parents were best friends of each other. Sometimes my dad would bring home something he bought for her like an ornament, brooch, a bolt of cloth (she sewed for herself), a coffee mug with a quote or some trinket and there were times we could see it was not to her liking, but she always thanked him and praised it because she appreciated that he remembered her while he was out and about.

As you can imagine, I sometimes yell and argue with my husband loudly in front of the kids. That lesson is a hard one to follow. I am still working on it.

Thank you for allowing me this opportunity to introduce you to the most important and beloved woman in my life, Mommy Rose.