The sign of strong friendship

"Most people want to ride with you in that limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus when the limo crashes." ~ Oprah Winfrey

“How on earth should I live? I have no friends at all! ”

These were thoughts that ran through my mind at the time when I first set foot in London five years ago. I felt green and secure in a beautiful new city that I had to build my new home, alone, with my two children, while my husband was overseas. I wondered how I should have done it all.

Yes, I had J, a friend I met on my honeymoon in Bali, but we were only in occasional contact, so I didn't expect much from him. I could not have called him my friend, perhaps an acquaintance, but surprisingly he became my rock support system and an angel watching over me.

Every Saturday after work, he would come to my home and talk with me. Sometimes we walked to the park. Sometimes he encouraged me to drive (something I was against). He visited my daughter when she fell and was in the balance and made my four-year-old daughter’s birthday memorable. He even helped me set my table and my chair. To say thank you for his kindness would be an understatement.

I was grateful - one, because the help and friendship he gave them was unexpected. Second, because you did it with a big and open heart. In the end, because you didn’t accept who I was and what I could offer at the time.

For the first time in my life, I became a ‘recipient’ of a friendship. Until then, I had always been a giver.

But for J, things were different. His generosity touched me deeply, so I always thanked him and told him how much I appreciated his problem. But he always rubbed it. One day I thanked her for a million times, and she said, “Lana, friendships go both ways. I also appreciate being with you and your little ones. They can add great joy to my life too! ”

He then told me that he had lost two of his friends to cancer a few years ago, and that sudden loss left him feeling depressed. He said spending time with us helped him with that. I was shocked to hear that but also thrilled to know that my children and I could fill that void because of our imperfections.

Her honesty and generosity taught me important lessons about friendship and helped me to distinguish between right and wrong. So, let's get them out of here.

Symptoms of Healthy Friendships

1. There is an equal amount of giving and taking in a relationship. Both people's needs are considered important, and friendships do not feel worthless.

2. You are both honest and transparent with each other. When J freely opened up to me, it strengthened our friendship because it made me feel equally important. Until then, I thought I was the weakest person he needed, and I was surprised to learn that he needed me too.

3. You are both kind and compassionate, and you fully accept each other. Whenever J came home, he kept thinking about how depressed I was. He was happy to have a friend who was frustrated, scared, and confused and who accepted me for who I am.

4. Good friends do not try to control you, force you, or tell you how to live your life. Although I was young in many ways, he never tried to control me. He has offered suggestions and sometimes taken me out of my place of residence, but never crossed the line. He gave me the space I needed.

5. Good friends give generously - with their time, resources, or whatever they have to give. J was kind to his time and company and took me to various places. I was happy to have another adult with me as I visited new places with my girls.

6. Good friends know each other and do not try to take advantage of each other