The road to the failure of a middle-aged man's 16-year marriage

First self-introduction, I male, 70, pure and kind heart, treat people sincerely gentle, work really. He is a straight man of science and engineering with high IQ and low EQ. He is also handsome in appearance and figure, but he is only 168cm tall. I grew up in a rural family in Sichuan province, with three elder brothers and sisters. Although my family was very poor in childhood, it was complete and simple and happy. Reading talent is very good, can be regarded as the outstanding student, 12 years old from the county middle school to read junior high school, not very hard but all the way smoothly, in the 90's college entrance examination to exceed the tsinghua university admission line 20 points of science results into the forefront of the south 985 colleges of economics department. After college is pure all kinds of books and students to play, not to fall in love, not to one's deceased father grind and read again, first back to sichuan telecommunication authority do after graduation (or post office) computer and network technology, so from that time on, just contact with the Internet, the earliest participation in local telecom Windows and 163/169, and so on, He is one of the earliest Internet people in China. Because I could not stand the rigidity of the system, I got a job in a network company in Guangzhou in 1999, and worked as a technical engineer in the tuning and maintenance of routers and switches. After that, I skipped several companies and even went back and forth between Guangzhou and Shenzhen twice. I gradually changed from pure technology to pre-sales support engineer, writing various pre-sales and after-sales plans, and then to marketing director, operation manager, operation director and deputy general manager. My monthly salary also increased from 3,000 to 10,000 yuan (more than ten years ago). During the venture also failed to toss over all their savings at that time.

When I was 25, I met my first love because of traveling, but the time was only three months. It was not until 2004, when I was 30 years old, that I met my ex-wife again, who was my next-door neighbor. She is three years younger than me. She comes from Meizhou County. She works as a sales assistant in guangzhou branch of a large domestic company. This is what I liked at that time, and THEN I started chasing her. Two months later, I caught up with Cohabitation, and I learned that she had been her first love for several years before he broke up with her because he cheated on me. Then we began to look at the house together, buy a house (write two people's names, but in fact most of my money, she graduated from secondary school at that time, the salary was only more than 2000, at his own expense to read the college also owed her brother 80,000 yuan tuition has not returned), housing, decoration, took more than two years. During this period, she asked for my opinion because she was going to be transferred to the Marketing Department in Shenzhen, the headquarters of the company. At that time, I thought I should support her career development and went there, and I also taught her a lot of relevant knowledge and experience (I was still working in Guangzhou).

Didn't think this is the beginning of my mistake, I will be ready to get married after the house decorate good, and the results after she went to shenzhen, although each basic it back over the weekend, but as there is more and more reuse and trust her, her marriage to a swing and hesitation, he told me what marriage phobia, said that because her parents divorced when she was young, separately to remarry, She was brought up by her father, and she had doubts about marriage. I believed it, and this state continued for a year. After taking her back to my rural hometown in Sichuan province, she felt that my hometown was too dirty and messy to stand (there must be a big gap between my rural hometown and the county seat, mainly because I raised a group of chickens to fly and shit everywhere) and proposed a temporary break up. She asked us to contact and see each other completely for three months. After three months, she came back and said she was reluctant to give me up. In this way, we got married at the end of 2007. At that time, I still had a little doubt about her heart. On the way to get the marriage certificate, I confirmed with her again: "Do you get married because you love me?" Her answer was a definite yes. That's how I feel about getting my license. In the same year, she was promoted to manager.

At the beginning of 2008, I also moved to a mobile Internet company in Shenzhen as the operation director in order to avoid the long-distance relationship. After marriage, we were still happy (including sex). We cooked together after work, took a walk and traveled together. The birth of our son in 2009 brought much joy to the family. After her son's lactation period ended, she was sent back to the subsidiary company in Guangzhou in 2010 as the sales director. At that time, I was also developing well. Around 2011, we bought the second and third houses.

However, the crisis began to appear at that time. As the sales director, she was in charge of the national business under great pressure. She was very busy on business trips for half a month. My former mother-in-law took care of my son in Guangzhou. She was very kind and dedicated, and we were relieved. I worked for a company where shareholder battles intensified, and I wasn't supposed to get involved because OF my natural aversion to office politics. But you get to a point where you can't afford not to take sides. As a result, I was accidentally fired and demoted to deputy for introducing stricter sales management. After demotion, and the investors who had talked for a long time about the scheduled start-up plan changed their minds and refused to invest millions of dollars, so they felt depressed. As she is busy, she never asks me questions about my company and career, but sometimes I speak intermittently, and I don't know whether she really listens and understands. Was I a person to rent a house to live in shenzhen, the results of his ex-wife has time to come over to see the dormitory is messy, and lay on the sofa phone I see network novel (I never smoke or drink no gambling no whoring, often mobile phone see network novel single and sometimes play a computer game, even if only hobby and pastime and relax the way), spirit not dozen 1 come, She felt that I was not ambitious, and in her later words, "gave up on me." It was a typical scene that she would probably remember for the rest of her life. She explained it to no avail. And I didn't know that at the time.

Ex-wife's personality is very strong and very paranoid, and will get to the point. Maybe since then, she's gone from admiring me to despising me (judging by some of her gestures and body language, and the sex is starting to be disharmonious). At ordinary times to me also quite fierce, often roar at me, but general I all admit to be afraid not to respond: woman, his wife fierce on fierce a bit good, big man let her good.

In early 2013, we had a big fight. Because she was away on a business trip for a long time, she only came back for two days during the New Year holiday, during which we only loved once, and I remember wearing a condom very clearly, and she was away for a month before and after. As a result, she told me that she was pregnant before the Chinese New Year in February, but she insisted that she would not have another child and wanted to have an abortion. I was suspicious at the time, but I honestly took time off from work to accompany her to the hospital, to have an abortion, to take care of her, to cook for her. One day after I left the hospital, I went out to do some shopping. When I came back, she kept calling me on the phone in bed, but I didn't realize I was back. I heard some ambiguous words between her and others in the next room. At that time, she verbally said that she had done something wrong, and then swore that she would never make up again. This was a muddle, and I admitted it. My inner doubts were also deeply buried, and I never pursued and mentioned it again.

She is still such a strong woman state to continue, during the period because of the sudden death of her former mother-in-law cancer and other reasons, we also covered up some of the contradictions and become better. The last company was acquired, and we partially cashed in our options and left. He was recommended by his former boss to his brother to start his own business. This time, he started an e-commerce business for agricultural products. In fact, this is not Internet business, more is a business. For me, it's all about starting from scratch. Although the company only lost money in the first year, it developed slowly and made little money, which was only enough for the daily expenses of the family (about 300,000 yuan per year). Ex-wife also start a business at the same time, because feel her company industry competition degree is smaller, less risky, is more stable and easy to make money, so I support her to more actually, home savings is not enough, we even sell a set of more than three hundreds of houses, money is mainly to her company, behind most other mortgage of the house was put into her company, Put in a couple million dollars plus dividends. My family has only so much money, and my company has no money to invest, but the initial investment of more than 300,000 yuan, but also to bear the monthly household expenses. Because ex-wife is a generous and face-saving person, money is also more lavish, her salary is basically enough for her own spending, the family is basically no matter. My small company's annual income of more than 300,000 yuan is not enough to support my family, but also to pay back the loan. The pressure is also very heavy, and sometimes I have to rely on her to take back dividends from the company to support my family. So the contradiction escalated, the ex-wife often accused me of not enough progress, said I was not hard enough, but also rely on her a woman in the outside to make money, is not love her performance. Of course, I am a person who pays more attention to the quality of life, and I am quite idle at ordinary times. I have not worked hard since my business stabilized. In addition to personality, I also think that two people in a family can not rush out to work, a team has to play forward and guard, since she has rushed out to pull back, I became the only choice as the guard. In contrast, she is much more hardworking and desperate, regardless of her family, ignoring her son (after the death of her former mother-in-law, I took charge of her son), and busy outside every day. I really don't understand and complain about such strong dedication and enterprising spirit.

By this time, she had gone from looking down on me not to progress, to despise my income, to look down on me completely. But I wasn't fully aware of it, just that we were conflicted. More than three years ago, she had an opportunity to study in a big EMBA program, and I supported her to take money from her family to study. This gap was even wider, because according to her, the average wealth of her classmates was over 100 million yuan. Later, she fell in love with their running group and often participated in running activities, semi-horse races and wine parties in various cities. Compared to her younger, richer and more energetic partners, she felt that I was a worse husband for her. In her later words, she felt bored and disgusted when she saw me at this time, and she was not willing to have any skin contact with me at all. This kind of emotion and expression of her would definitely affect me, leading to more disharmony in our sexual life. In fact, IN the last two years, I often rely on masturbation to solve the problem. It was around this time that she had an affair with one or more of the men in their circle (she only admitted in her divorce that she had drunk on two group trips, and I'm not interested in getting to the bottom of it). By this point, our marriage was beyond repair. In fact, I also felt that our marriage was in danger, and that divorce was the only outcome if it continued like this. From three years ago until recently, I had serious conversations with her several times a year. Although I asked her many times, we are a family now, with a lovely son, we can communicate well and start from scratch, but she turned a deaf ear and received little change and response.

At the end of December 19, she finally showed her cards to me. She suddenly asked me if I had any ideas for the New Year. I thought I was talking about the company's plans for the next year. The result was interrupted by her to say that she could not bear this kind of life any more, she wanted to divorce, the New Year to pursue their own happy life. Even confesses some of the above. In the past three years, although I have been entangled and hesitant, I have not really prepared for it, especially for my son. I am still trying to make it up, but she is very determined, and even my son does not intend to take it, so I can only help her. After 10 days of insomnia and weight loss, we parted on good terms and finally signed the divorce certificate on January 7th. Ended their 16-year relationship.