The Power of Silence

We live in a society where silence is uncomfortable. If we are on a date and we hear crickets, it must mean something is wrong. If we present an idea in a meeting and it’s dead silent, we immediately worry that the message missed the mark. It’s so uncomfortable, in fact, that one of my colleagues used to ramble on to avoid the dreaded awkward silence at the end of our meetings.

We simply can’t accept the idea that silence could actually be a good thing.

I used to be the same way. But after nearly three years with my partner—a man of very few words—I have learned to get comfortable with silence and embrace it. I’ve still got my quick-witted, snarky responses, but I now focus on listening (and I save those responses for when they’re needed).

As I write this on my partner’s iPad from the passenger seat of his car, we’re sitting here in silence. And we rode together on this road trip for a good hour in silence before he turned on his music, and I started writing this. And you know what? It was nice!

There is power in silence. There is peace in silence. There is introspection in silence. That’s not to say that I don’t have times where I wish somebody, anybody would speak up to avoid drawn-out silences—there are—but for the most part, I’ve found that being silent has allowed me tremendous growth. Here’s how.

My silence is equally as powerful as my voice. When I am passionate about something, I will most definitely speak up. I’m a strong woman with a lot of opinions, after all. But when I find myself in conversations that don’t interest me or when I can’t add any value, it can be quite impactful to let others speak and just listen. In a world where everyone wants the last word, showing the restraint to, quite frankly, shut up, is a major power play.

I can sit there and ramble on about a topic I know absolutely nothing about, or I can choose to be silent. Is it not better to be a silent listener than a loud fool? I think yes. There’s power in letting people who may not typically have a voice (I see you, junior women at the table!) speak up.

Often, we find ourselves engaged in arguments that started when someone decided to say something stupid (myself included) instead of just being silent. I have had to learn the hard way that I can find peace by being silent too.

Now, I told you I am a very opinionated woman, so it’s been hard to just let things go when I have a retort already prepared. But not everything needs a response. And when you realize that, life magically becomes much more peaceful.

Perhaps my favorite thing about being silent is that it gives me time to really look inwards. Introspection is a highly underrated skill but crucial for growth. Whether it’s how I respond (not react) to difficult conversations, how I can be more intentional with my life, or anything in between, silence gives me the space I need to examine myself as a person and have those critical conversations with myself. Again, silence is a tool for personal growth.

Remember, this is a skill to be honed over time. It took my nearly 30 years and a quiet partner to teach me the value of silence. And to appreciate that silence. I apply it at work and in my everyday life, especially when I'm trying to listen to people instead of just hearing the words come out of their mouths.