Confidence is Confidence, No Matter Your "Gender"

Bossy. Aggressive. Intimidating. The list of labels attached to confident women is never-ending. And when a confident woman is in a position of power? Watch out!

We tout bold titles like SheEO (she + CEO), boss babe, and head bitch in charge (HBIC) as empowering, but they're nothing more than labels. Labels that minimize our intelligence and ambition by highlighting that women don't belong in powerful positions—we're not the norm for such roles as CEO.

Men, however, can lead fearlessly and express disagreement confidently, safe in the knowledge that no one will judge them for being bossy, rude, or "too masculine." Why is that?

As young girls, the media, our parents, boys, men, and even total strangers teach us that our role as girls and women is to be polite and respectful (aka quiet) to everyone—especially men. We're told not to celebrate how incredibly amazing we are because that's not attractive.

If we're smart, we're nerdy. If we're not afraid to lead, we're domineering. If we stand up for ourselves, we're difficult. If we're all-star athletes, we're too masculine. Everywhere a woman looks, we see messaging telling us not to be confident. Unfortunately, the same is true in the workplace.

Have you ever been in a meeting when a woman is sharing her thoughts, and a male coworker interrupts and talks over her? Or have you observed your male (and sometimes female) coworkers' faces when a woman vehemently disagrees with her male boss?

When a man does the above, nothing happens. It's not crazy or shocking. But the only difference is that one involves a woman standing her ground, and the other is a man standing his. Confidence is confidence, regardless of who is expressing it.

So, instead of silencing yourself or dimming your light to make others comfortable, let that light shine through. Speak your mind, share your thoughts, stand your ground, and above all else, celebrate the incredible, badass woman you are. And if you're not sure how to do that, here are a few ways I started building my confidence in the workplace:

1. I stand up for myself when colleagues try to micromanage me or do my job (because they think they can do it better). I am my own biggest advocate.
2. I fight for pay raises and promotions for not only myself but other women on my team.
3. I call out and celebrate my female coworkers' successes.
4. I assert my expertise and am unwavering in the confidence I have in my abilities—even when others question them.
5. I question decisions when I think they're bad ones regardless of where the idea came from (man, woman, coworker, boss).

I still have a lot of work to do to build my confidence, especially in the workplace, but I am proud of how far I've come.

After being turned down four times for a promotion, I finally got in front of my boss's boss to have a conversation. He offered me a promotion, but it came with a tiny pay raise. I was worried I may appear aggressive, but I wasn't willing to settle for less than the value I provided to the company.

He told me they couldn't give me what I had asked for. If you think it ended there, you couldn't be more wrong. I thanked him, emphasized again the market pay for my role and the immense value I bring, and told him I need to be paid my worth. Not even an hour later, I got a 27 percent pay raise. All because I dared to be confident.

And you can too! At the very least, you deserve to be unapologetically confident without lame labels like bossy.