The Polite Way of Disliking Someone

Even the most decisive person crumbles when it comes to making a decision about other people. More specifically: the people you choose to surround yourself with.

The problems of “Cancel Culture” are well known. Ruthlessly discarding people from your life or real life blocking them when in disagreement is harmful and leads to us making people disposable. I haven’t come here to argue otherwise.

But today I would like to shine some light on the flip-side, something that is not so frequently discussed. Something I would describe as being a “Silent Subscriber”

Everybody that uses Social Media will relate to having somebody that you went to school with, or an ex co-worker from the job you worked like 5 months, or that awesome person you met at a hostel while traveling 3 years ago and had to befriend to remain in contact.

They are just there, amongst your contacts. You never speak to them, barely interact with their content and sometimes might wish they would just stop posting. You met briefly, maybe at a period in your life when you thought differently. Where you were different. Maybe you didn’t think about it at all. Nevertheless you have this person amongst your contacts . To remove them from your contacts would be rude so you just ignore them. You might even silence them.

This concept can easily be transferred into your daily, offline life. We are surrounded by people, many which we can’t really explain why. Obviously we are often obliged to interact with specific people like our boss or our neighbours. But I am not talking about them, I am referring to those who we unconsciously do choose to spend time with, just because it would be rude if we didn’t.

Like going for lunch with a co-worker who has extreme views about certain things, or your partner's friends who you really can’t stand, or maybe even a friend you’ve known for too long but simply have nothing in common anymore.

For the sake of politeness, you may become a real life “Silent Subscriber” to somebody you have no reason to subscribe to.

Every single one of our actions and interactions releases an energy and determines our overall mood. The act of “silently subscribing” to somebody will often trigger disinterest, a sense of frustration and despise. Because, simply put, if someone is a person that you don’t outspokenly like, it’s probably because you don’t like them.

You may have very different views on topics that are important to you, you may not relate to any of the issues they face, you may distrust a person, or maybe you really just don’t care about what they say. You don't need to conceal this by being overly nice and forthcoming. You are not horrible for feeling that way. And chances are that the feeling is mutual! It is very unlikely to be highly valued by somebody that we don't value.

It is really no big deal.

It find it would be pretentious to make somebody aware of the flaws that I see in them. They may not be wrong for being the way they are. I am not perfect either. And we just aren't compatible.

But the issue is the following: When we agree to exchange energy with somebody we find draining, we create a feeling of negativity. And we are the ones who suffer the consequences thereof.

I believe your worth and valuing yourself implies that you have to choose wisely whom you dedicate your precious time and energy too. This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t give people a chance when getting to know them. But the things that bother us today, will bother us tomorrow too.

Once you have established that something isn't working for you, you can indeed lovingly step away.

Don’t ask your co-worker to meet you for lunch. Don’t go to that Girls Night if you really don’t feel like it. Ditch the things that don’t work for you. You have every right to decorate your life with things and people that inspire you.

Friendship is meant to be rewarding for the parties involved. The conversations we hold, they way someone make us feel, their presence, enjoying someones company and learning from each other is not just nice things. They are the epitome of why we socialise. Don’t feel guilty for prioritising yourself. You are allowed to hit the unsubscribe button!

Thank you very much for reading this. I hope you enjoyed it and can extract a positive message. Let me know who you have lovingly stepped away from and how it has impacted you.