The passing of Love

I write this on a remarkable day for many reasons! I can easily turn this into a multi-chapter book, but I will try to simplify this article the best way possible. Self reflection is a powerful tool, and I hope in the mist of my personal evaluation; someone can learn a lesson in their personal life. I write this with the highest love for my mother and there were some not so positive sides to her. There is no such example of a perfect parent and she did the best she could, with what she had. So looking back on her life as me and my other siblings celebrated her life years ago, projected good and bad memories of her. I cannot tell you why all ten of her children weren’t there to celebrate her life. Everyone has there reason for every action. Their attendance has nothing to do with the love I have for them. This is totally about me and how her love was she transferred to me, and how I transferred that love to others. However, the lack of attendance could have been a reflection of some negative aspects some of my siblings could have with her. I don’t know and that is not my story to tell.

I stand to celebrate the good, and the bad. I can’t sum this up in one article and this may even turn into a book later. I had to take this day and give honor to her life, by understanding the way I live today not because how she loved me yesterday; but to understand how to channel the love I give today! Meaning, there’s learning in the mistakes and there is confirmation in the good. In every aspect of love! The love with friends, children, and romantic relationships! Now in all but one area, I have received a passing grade. Not faulting my mother in any form of my failing grades, but understanding her transferred love was a factor in the process.

So let me explain. My mother would use to be so hard on me. This is my story and no one can live this. Sometimes to where my confidence was shattered because of the lack of confidence she would have in me sometimes. I could get into fights as a child that other kids started, yet she would yell at me. That would sometimes take my confidence level below zero and I didn’t know my value at times. I was horrible at social clues at times from result of it. My first confidence of appreciation came from my mother, so when other women displayed it, the clues weren’t well received. There were times when women would give settle clues, but my defense mechanism shut those gestures down and sent signs that I didn’t want to socialize. I suffered from shattered confidence and a combination of bad timing. I’m not placing full blame on my mother and nor will I. I’m understanding her form of love (being over protective, abusing or whatever) it was her way of love. Her love was reflected from many aspects of her past life up to the present time of her developing me as a single mother. I can’t get into that bag of chips! Needless to say, there is no one factor that can determine how a child grows up and projects his or her love. When it comes to the bottom line, it is my responsibility to take what I have experienced and learned to make me a better person.

There is never enough time or days in the world to explain the good that I have received from my mother. Even when it comes down to past relationships, she even told me which woman would have been my best pick, but like all children, we ignore our parents to later tell or show them that we should have listen to their suggestion long time ago. The love of a mother can never be replaced. Sometimes or maybe most of the times misunderstood because mothers can only do the best with what they have. With limited resources, my mother was able to expose me to fatherhood that didn't have an opinion on her, one way or the other. If there is anything in life that I have gathered an understanding of, most things with women require special attention. What do I mean with that? Well, most women have the odds stacked against them. Traditional standards have changed and even during the times I was growing up, my mother had the odds stacked against her. Single, limited income, the surroundings of Pontiac Michigan and still the demand of developing two young boys and a teenage girl. That alone is a challenge enough without to mention other children of her own being raised in other households. The amount of stress is something I could never imagine, yet all ten of kids expected perfection of an explanation on life at some point. However, in the middle of it all, I was still able to see love in the effort she gave.

There is good and bad in every encounter of life. Thanks to my mother, she taught me how to maneuver through it all. Sometimes my response are very much like what her response would be (that's good and bad) and sometimes my approach would be an edited version of what her response would have been. Through it all, parenting is never an easy job and I celebrate her life on this day and many others for what she has given to me, the good and the bad.

So I take a bit of her parenting style and mix it with my methods and hope that everything will be okay. I will never let the bad things I received from my mother haunt me and weaken my spirits; but I will let those things strengthen who I am today and allow me to pass on love the way I see it today. Its all about the positives and negatives received in life and allowing those aspects of life to carry over and help us deal with today situations.

So on this day of April, 2; I give thanks for the many years that I have experienced with my mother. Some were not good, but the good always seem to outcast the bad days because I have learned to take it all for the positive. I thank her for the man I have become. I did not have an active father, but like I said, she was smart enough to place me in the presence of positive male figures that displayed the way!

Loved and always missed!