The Pain of Unanswered Messages

Have you ever wondered why some people ignore your Whatsapp, Facebook or any other messages? I don’ t mean cases when you write to a complete stranger with an intention to start a conversation and make friends, although that also counts sometimes! You text someone, often expecting just a short “yes” or “no” but get silence instead. The worst thing is that you clearly see that your message has been read and…. ignored! Familiar situation? It leaves a person on the other end feeling unimportant and neglected, in a word — devalued. It’s ok to read a message and answer it a few minutes later or at most a couple of hours later, but in many cases it never happens at all. First you think that they may be busy and will respond you later the same day, after some time you start thinking that you will be answered tomorrow, but tomorrow comes and goes with no reply. What makes the situation even worse is that you can see their online and “last seen” status. Though many people prefer to hide it,what does not excuse their behaviour by the way, there are still those who don’ t care and keep on talking to others being aware that the person who is waiting for their reply can see it. This kind of behaviour is beyond my comprehension. I am worried even when I have Whatsapp messages from a few contacts and start answering one of them while others can see me doing it and thinking that someone else is more important to me, so I usually answer in a hurry in order not to offend anyone and I am not going to hide my “last seen” status, as in my opinion it is a sign of dishonest behaviour.

So your messages have been read and ignored….Though this disrespectful attitude is absolutely unacceptable, unfortunately it is widespread in our modern world of online communication and considered to be OK, but it’s NOT OK! This situation is similar to the one when you are talking to someone, looking into that person’s eyes, listening to what they are saying and then just turn keeping quiet and walk away. Is that OK? Everyone will agree with me it is not. Then why do people do that making others feel bad? And how can we change it?

I think people just don’t realize how they hurt others by such behaviour, some,however, do it on purpose. I think the best way to stop it is to tell a person directly that it’s impolite to act this way. If they don’t react on your words ,then it’s better to put an end to such communication. Because if they can`t respect you enough to answer you, then they are unworthy of your time at all.

Of course there are exceptions like everywhere else and it’s understandable as we all have situations when we are in a hurry or in a place where we can’t reply but those situations don’t keep us from replying for days, that is a matter of a few minutes or hours only. The right thing to do is just not to read messages at all if you cannot reply them at the same moment. That’s exactly how I act — I never read messages if I can’t reply immediately, so the person on the other end can see it and always knows that I did not have enough time, hence doesn’t feel neglected and ignored. Another good thing about leaving messages unread while being busy is that you won`t forget to reply them. You may think that a person can still feel ignored because messages are not even read but that is a different thing. As for me, I never hide my “last seen” status, so it is visible that I neither logged in there nor talked to others, so it’s absolutely ok to be busy. And it’s highly important to me to show my contacts how honest and respectful I am towards them. Sometimes a message doesn’t require an answer at all but yet I like to be the one who finishes the conversation, so I used to send a smile in that case or a kiss when appropriate just to make another person feel good.

Being polite won’t cost you anything but a few seconds of your time and believe me — it’s worth it. Don’t satisfy your curiosity by reading a message and leaving it unanswered thinking you will do it later , it’s selfish. Better satisfy other person by giving a short answer if you can’t write much and make them feel good. It’s easy, it takes just a minute and often even a few seconds to reply, but it will show someone that you care.

Here are 2 examples from my own experience:

I have a friend of mine who once was very surprised at my attitude to replying messages.When we have just met and started texting each other on a daily basis, she noticed that when I couldn’t answer her messages, I had a habit to say: “ Sorry,I am busy at the moment and will answer you later” also telling the approximate time when I will be able to do so. I remember her saying: “Wow,you are so considerate!”. Since that time she used to do the same thing to me, I am happy that she appreciated my respectful attitude and used to return the favour.

I recently had a few plants to give away for free and I wrote about it in one of Facebook groups. One girl who was interested, contacted me and we met a few days later. She was happy with the plants telling me how beautiful they were and we had a very interesting conversation, she seemed so nice and I thought that found a new wonderful friend. We agreed that she would let me know soon where she would place the plants and how they grow (by sending photos).When I sent her a message in a few days after our meeting, she read it and never bothered to reply back. Needless to say how I felt. Everyone knows the feeling, moreover I felt used as she got what she wanted and disappeared.

Each one of us has this kind of situations daily, they are countless and even though it is impossible to avoid them at all, as such people will always exist, but at least we can reduce their number by starting to respect each other`s feelings. Yes,being honest and considerate towards other people takes some effort,but it makes a difference and every one should start with oneself. Always remember that it will take you only a minute to make other person feel valued. Be mindful of other people’s feelings around you. Everyone deserves to be answered. Start today. Someone is out there waiting for your reply this very moment. Start right now.