The Obsessed and the Obsession

This fusion of change and adaptation I cannot hide. These feeling that swirl around in your head makes the mind go wild. Some moments cloud your brain and it can feel like it’s the only thing in your life that brings you joy. You obsess over the ideas of what if but instead of seeing a future with what could be, you become someone that craves the idea of wanting and chasing.

You cloud yourself with the chase, the journey to find something or someone no matter the cost. The time gap get bigger as your obsession increases and the lust thickens. Imagine how things would be when the things you want are finally obtained. Everything you changed and fought for, finally coming to fruition. Think about it, the idea of spending your life searching, only to have these feelings of hope and constant dopamine hits to fuel you.

Similar to addiction, you spend so much time on the chase and when you finally have it. When you are successful at getting that promotion, getting the guy or girl or even buying that house of your dreams, that moment is gone. That aha moment of you finally getting those things (while a brief feeling). You share in the victory and success in hopes that the day after is bountiful.

Like a Cinderella fairy tail. You may not have evil step sisters but your hopes and dreams for something better only is the thing that you hope and dream for. The happy ending ends up being a feeling or “the honeymoon phase” as some would call it. That promotion may feel great and the new title looks stupendous, but after it’s all said and done, everything changes. Things become not what you expected and that hope and stride for greatness isn’t what you expected after the fact.

You have given yourself to the journey of achieving all that you desire that you lose sight of yourself. You try to get that feeling again, that spark that made you go for it in the first place. It’s easy to settle down and breathe after finally getting it all, but life becomes an endless uphill constant. Always searching for that big hit. Either enjoying the ride to victory or fighting to survive to get to the top of the mountain.

You make the struggle to find peace and provide happiness with the road to change. What’s the point though? Let’s back track to find out why. You find opportunity for something great. You decide it’s worth pursuing in hopes to be successful in the goals you strives for. The longer it takes the less you feel about the thing at the end. You try to focus on the journey to reach the end. Meeting new people and discovering things along the way.

The struggles that hold you back only remind you of how important that you make it to the end. You question if it’s worth it and sometimes it feels like it’s not. You scramble to think that you might have wasted your life trying to pursue something that you might not achieve. All the risk that brings in anxiety and fear. The longer it takes to get there, the more you battle with yourself. Things like worth and “what’s the point” circle through as you look back on the stable environment you was once in.

You remember how it began and the curiosity is what seeps through. The need to be better, to want better. The possibility that having something else or someone by your side will add to your overall happiness. Something to conclude with, the happiness that you seek is something that shouldn’t be validated. It is to add to your story of life. Being obsessed can cause misguided choices to occur and self comparisons to take place. Being the obsessed and the obsession is temporary.