The Night I fell in Love

How many of you thought love was a four letter word. I had been hurt, used and abused all in the name of Love. I always wanted since I was a young girl, just like most young girls you dream of getting married, having children, and living the "quote happy life."

What a bunch of bull. From the first time as a child when I heard no one would ever love me, or when I was told by a parent, " I don't love you." My heart began to change. I had no interest in this illusive Love.

I continued to seek acceptance, I guess out of being a human I wanted to fit in until I said forget it. Let me see my first relationship, cheated on me. The side chick use to call me and tell me all my intimate business. Wow, so strike one. The second one bummed money from me, and was controlling. The third guy dated me for a couple of months then decided he didn't like my complexion and that I was ugly.

I was feeling dejected, but the pain didn't stop there. Oh let's see so next came verbal abuse. "I will stab you until you die." I think those words will forever ring in my ears. Then last I was robbed. I had never been robbed. Never thought I would be threatened and talked down too, but it happened to me.

I would sit in my house and cry, wanting to go out and live, wanting to laugh and enjoy life, but because of that word. Love. I was afraid most days to leave home. People didn't know I had an innate fear of people I knew they would hurt me, reject me, and turn their backs on me.

That's why when it happened I was taken by complete and total shock. I never in my wildest dreams thought I would fall in Love. The dreaded L word. I thought love was just another four letter word. I told people it would never happen. I was destined to grow old alone. I was planning on traveling and working. I was not going to open that door ever again Then I met him. He is eleven years younger than I am, and has a heart of gold.

My friend was having a birthday get together for her husband, I had tried every thing in the book to not go, and then someone called and asked me for a ride. My mind raced what could I say to get out of this. Nothing. I reluctantly said we will go late. She was fine with getting to the party late. Me being a recluse didn't know that was the style to be fashionably late.

We got to the house and it was not even that many people there. I rushed in headed straight to the back and claimed my seat. I laughed and talked to my two friends, and then the door opened. I think my mouth dropped open not really sure. Of course he didn't notice me, but I sure noticed him. I said nothing just stared. I was scared to move after that for fear he would look in my direction. After what seemed like forever with me sitting in the same spot stealing glances in his direction. It was time to go.

Oh goodness I had to pass him to get out the door. I knew I would go unnoticed I always did. I walked by, staring at this man the entire time. His light eyes were so gorgeous. It was like I was mesmerized.

Once I was in the safety of my car and a few days later. I mentioned how cute he was to my friends. I never even said a name. He was the guy with the pretty eyes. They knew exactly who I was talking about, and he actually worked with her husband.

I knew it was never going to be anything, because I just said he was cute, and had pretty eyes. Calling someone cute had caused me pain in the past so I wasn't expecting anything. Then it happened she called and he was there beside her. I was scared, I was happy, and I was confused all in one.

He was the nicest guy I had ever even spoken too. I thought I was going to do him wrong because of the pain from my past. He came in and opened the icebox I called a heart. I was ready to live. I was taking baby steps at first, but that changed quickly. I found myself laughing out loud again. I found myself dreaming again.

I had been through my share of drama and had said forget it. I was as my friends called me a scorned woman. I was afraid going in that I would take my anger out on him. I thought I was going to be withdrawn or evil and he came in and broke every barrier, broke every wall I put up. I was guarded and quick to snap, but I couldn't with him. I could be upset, but his smile or look he gave me changed my entire mood. Man my head was spinning I had never met anyone like this. I had never felt like this. He never pushed me to do something I did not want to do. Always there to help. I was confused at first, but slowly that ice began to melt, and I was like a young girl again. My dreams, my heart was awaken.

Ladies/fellas it can happen when you least expect it the one that can make the suffering you been through fade away. The one who can make you forget your pains.

I never believed in Love even when I was a child it was an illusion to me. I was hurt and bitter since a young age and now life is a party. Life is worth smiling, it's worth living.

No it doesn't take a relationship to make life worth living. It takes someone to believe in you. To show you that you are not a failure or property. In his words. To live like God wants you to live. I never met anyone that spoke about God like this. I never met anyone that I could laugh and share with like this.

My dreams are being rediscovered, my life has upgraded since we met. I have began to step out on faith and not be afraid. I don't know where this road will take us, but having my dreams and faith back is worth every step.

Don't give up on life, don't give up on Love it's not just a four letter word. It's not just an illusion. The saying "it's darkest before dawn" is very true. Go through your darkness and be prepared for Love on the other end. Because I truly never thought it would happen for me.