The Little Black Notebook

Today is my first day here. It's cool, the room seems large but a lot of my peers block the view. I see light from the windows though so I like my new space. The last place I stayed was far more cramped and stuffy. Safety measures for transport and all of that. I met my caretaker earlier this morning. Her name is Gwen. She has a curly bob and it fades from brown to purple, her uniform is green and covered in pins, she chooses to wear a collared shirt underneath to add even more of her taste. She's about eye level to me so I would guess she is about five feet. She greeted me with a “aren't you lovely” kind of expression. Dusted off my jacket and noted my silver name tag.

“Olivia what a pretty name”

She left me to myself for a while then passed by with another one of my peers guiding them back to where they needed to go.

At noon I met Kelly. She was a frantic sort of person and quickly stopped by to collect me. She also failed to introduce herself right away but it was fine. We were getting coffee together and I caught onto her name when they called her order over the noise of the foaming espresso machines. I couldn't get anything so no barista yelled my name but Kelly could just refer to my name tag.

“Ok, Olivia I hope you're as smart as they say” whatever that means. Our conversation lulled a bit but I did most of the thinking for us. Kelly just needed someone to confide in it seemed. She had a lot to say about me and the coffee. That I seemed a bit stiff and must be new here and that the coffee was a bit too hot. Her face changed for a moment and she looked towards the sunny window where dusty beams of light hit her face, she brought her coffee to her chest and sighed.

“Ya know it must be nice to live here, not a care in the world and always company to have around.” She giggled.

“Maybe not the best though” She gestured to a man across the room who was tearing a magazine page apart for what looked like a project of some kind. A cookie was half in his mouth shedding crumbs onto the table and the other hand free of the freshly torn page held a well-loved purple glue stick.

“Some of the people here seem disturbing”

She had no idea.

Kelly had to go after her coffee. Our talks can only last so long before Gwen comes by to tell us our time is up. Gwen guided me from our table back to my place. The lights went out at nine in the evening as was usual with these kinds of places.

I spent the weekend bored. Kelly had not come by and there were no other visitors for me to engage with. The next time I saw Kelly was Monday she stopped in on her lunch break hoping for us to spend some extra time together. She didn't get any coffee though. She told me about how she is trying to save money babbling on about how she thinks she should start putting that money toward lotto tickets and that a win on a ticket like that could buy her all the coffee in the world someday. I don't see the importance though I've never been much for coffee it always seems to stain my jacket and people who are caffeinated usually move too fast. I feel like they aren't properly focused on the time I spend with them. She went on to tell me she just needs twenty thousand dollars.

“It would be perfect” she daydreamed in front of her as if she could see something. “I could buy all the coffee I want and a car even.” she flicked her hand as if to spin a pair of keys around her finger. “No more asking mom for the keys and her coming up with a dumb reason for me, not to drive. You would think by eighteen my mom would trust me with a car” Her face dropped for a second “I could even get you out of here”

I would like that. The floor beneath me in my room is stiff plywood. I wish it was a nice oak at least.

I offered as much insight into the situation as I could before Gwen came by again to whisk me away back to my wooded little corner of this place. Kelly harrumphed and shot Gwen a side-eye I hadn't seen before and it made my departure all the sweeter. I usually don't know when I'll see Kelly so I hope next time I see her she has something fun to tell me about a lotto ticket.

My evening ended at nine again and the lights came back on at eight in the morning. Today I met someone new. He pulled me aside for a moment to see if I was worth his time. I guess I wasn't, because he dismissed me before I could even assess if we would be good friends. Boys are weird. They're so impatient. Kelly stopped by again and I wanted to tell her about my morning interaction because she would know what to make of it. I quickly realized there would be few moments for me today as she was budding with pure joy. She sat down frantically with her coat on and a bag still on her back then stood up immediately to take it off as if just realizing she had even put it on in the first place.

“You'll never believe it I won. I won a lottery ticket, I won one!”

I was happy for her and was so eager to hear all about it. Propped up I was all ears

“See all the coffee” she lifted her cup in a proud gesture. “I even got my mom off my back about the car. A friend of mine has a dad who works at a dealership who can set me up.”

As she continued I realized she wasn't here for me like I hoped. She just kept listing all the ways she intended to spend her win.

“I can even go on spring break with the school ski club. Or could take my little brother to Six Flags like he always wanted..” Kelly just kept going, and then she left. Gwen saw me, her shoulder dropped and she shook her head. Her apron with all its pins dropped too. She knew I wasn't leaving. She walked me over to my little corner by the window and placed me on the plywood bookshelf.

“That's why we don't let them read you guys unless they buy you, you'll never find a home that way.”

Maybe I liked Gwen more than Kelly. Gwen put me back and never stained me with coffee and she never pretended to even like me if anything is left on tables was a nuisance.

But what do I know about anything? I'm just a black notebook small and leather with a fleur de lis on my cover. Something some publisher thought was worth being created over and over so that the ideas a woman named Olivia once poured into me might reach others. I guess I fulfilled my purpose. Kelly seemed like she learned something. If only I could read my pages.