The Imaginary Boyfriend

The whole concept of my “imaginary boyfriend.” is that there is this deep perception of what love means to me. How lovers perform what they decide to call as enjoying life together or by how they proceed to celebrate sharing their time together in a positive advancement of existing. Whether that be for themselves still and then on how they keep it up just to be there for their partners well sake. This “imaginary boyfriend” concept as something that I have created in this attempt to have one to be mine and only mine. Imagine the look on your lover’s face when you whisper your most promising secret to them. That they were built and placed on earth just for you. An expression of true satisfaction as I’d assume. I rarely assume things yet as an example of what it’s like to create perfection and have someone be glad to be yours and never feel guilty to keep you I hint towards the guy I’ve yet to meet but know I want to cherish for a lifetime and for much more of all of it.

In ways he’s brand new to me but my heart feels electric every time we connect. It’s something worth working for to keep. I always lose myself in the idea of whether I’m good enough for him or not. He makes me feel special though. He makes me feel appreciated. He make me feel like I’m on top of the world when our energies are entwined. I don’t wish to lose him. I am sure of the matter that he is the love of my life. I beg for him to please stay. To stay forever and I’ll promise him the world; my world to be shared with him. Where we could enjoy life together and complete all of the other cute stuff. The cute stuff and then on the real stuff. But because of my immaturity I’m not sure what the “real stuff” looks like so I may end up depending on him to show me the ropes of living life on the regular daily scale. Meaning to help me practice my lack of skill towards having and knowing daily functions.

Im a sad girl with daddy issues so I guess you could say that I am bitter towards love, relationships and kind of in a bad mindset towards trying at being there for someone. Yet I am quite desperate for love and being accepted by a man that knows control, is fully dominant, and makes me feel beautiful, hot, sexy, and cute all at that. Also a man that wants to cherish me and see me succeed in life for him, by him, and even with him. I don’t know what I’m good for when it comes to returning that love to this unknown man. I’m not smart nor am I used to stability so I find it easy to just stay away from trying this out; the relationship thing, especially when I can’t figure why I’m so useless and unlovable. I mean I’ve been single and only know the single life but haven’t dabbled much in the ‘hoe life’ because I’ve been searching well more so hoping for the right moment where I’ll find somebody that will make me aware of when it’s rightfully him and that soulmates do exist and that this one will be mine. I don’t believe in love at first sight unless of course I’m approached first and fully know what’s on that guy’s mind. It’s important to state that but I know a relationship full of my deepest fantasies and desires can be fulfilled once I’m out there like really out there without fears and insecurities of if I’m being too much of myself.

That’s why I’m not sure if love at first sight exists because really I’m a rare breed of women that has a type set on towards “overprotective” men. Then since if being a brat were a personality trait then I’d know exactly who I am. But sadly that’s not the case. I’m not sure of who I am and at an anymore pace I’m petrified of if maybe I’m completely love disoriented and that it’s possible that I’m not exactly completely unapproachable. Just maybe these men I try to love can sense my desire for more than what they can give me so off they go and I’m back on the looks for a man that will treat me the way I wish to be unleashed. From that I also want to say I’m not limited to my kinks or desires but I’m trying to hunt for one that feels it mutual in all of the right places. That right there would be special and I could never see myself getting involved with anybody I don’t love, like, have a connection with, and am attracted to.

My guy exists. He sure does. I’m just not sure where he is at. Maybe I’ll do the guy thing and hunt down my perfect one. I mean why else should I keep enduring loneliness when my perfect one is closer by than what my current state of ‘bored out of my mind’ allows me to believe. For my own well-being and self satisfaction I decided to prep myself for any of the possibilities that I could somehow read into what I’d be getting myself into. I like my men: polite, protective, strict, obsessive, and sweet. Or so to say if I could build my own perfect man then he would hold all of those characteristics because that’s just how I want things to be. I decide that it is the right time to pray and ask the universe if my righteous perfect man can exist in my life. The “imaginary boyfriend” will finally be my boyfriend in real and in real life. I’m excited because all I want is to be with someone that amplifies the greatness of me, myself, and my overall existence that I hide away from myself due to my shyness, insecurities and my fears of the world.

It’s finally “build-a-bae”-day! And I have my lucky guy’s in mind and what I wish to make of him. Although I have flexed on the idea for far too long that my most suitable lover or even my soulmate to be at that isn’t too far away. I’m just not searching in all of the right spots for my chance to succeed in winning the guy I know could be all mine and have no issues with the mans that I would be his all his own too. Maybe he exists in a man I passed off due to my uncertainty. Maybe that guy just needed conditioning to the point where he would be a better man himself and for himself. Not even for me but for himself alone. Be that better man once and for all to enhance his quality of life and appreciate things a bit more. I want to find him again that way I’m able to take him to “build-a-bae” and we can transition all of his poor qualities into something so handsome and deering that he won’t recognize that sad man staring back at him in the finishing up touches mirror.

To completely satisfy the both of us I decided to stay with him throughout the makeover and for the personality conditioning treatment that I suggested he still go through. He resembles an idea or a fragment in my mind that felt like de ja vu in a “this looks so familiar” kind of way and it was nice! Nice to also see him smiling throughout it all and the poise he exampled made me truly proud that he felt it in his heart to still arrive here for me and for himself of course. The day ends and he’s looking like he’s feeling on top of the world. He takes my hand and kisses it then to tell me he wants to spend his first night of being made new and for the ‘now made perfect for the girl with passion in her heart’ with me and offers to bring me back to his place where we can drink our glasses of wine and talk about the things we keep to ourselves. I tell him a glass or maybe a few of Merlot will do me some good. So I’m looking forward to these drunk conversations and I can see it in his face that he is too.

He’s truly a splendid guy. To see that even before building him up he was a man amazed by grace in his charismatic ways but I believe he needed that work still done to help him advance in his own personal set. Of how he feels towards life and how he feels towards himself then on how he feels towards other beings. He is perfect on his own but the work done was only a touch up due to the way the worlds repair had harmed him so deeply and set aside his comfortablity for such a time period where his true self was not exampled for because his mental health and outlook on life were being limited to the exaggeration of living amongst imperfections the people of the world layed down for us to take in. We could either adjust to these tricks or make amends to admit the faults of the universe and shun the rest of what’s wrongfully going on.

Now my imaginary boyfriend is no longer imaginary and we’re about to become the power couple that the world needs. To us each date of ours is like the first. The first time was the best and it only ever remains at staying the best. I guess that’s what happens when two perfect beings become a pair and prepare to attack the unholiness that exists in our minds and in our veins. It’s only a purpose that I choose to fulfill and by my mans side he wishes for all the same things. That’s how I tell my invisible nor imaginary boyfriend that he was meant for me. The things we wish to example for the world and all so much more. I’m in love and it just feels so right.