A Prayer for My Best Friend

Nameless One,

I don’t know where you are or who you are but if it’s okay… I’d like to write you this story. My best friend of life of whom I may be unaware of who you truly are I want to make a face and blame a sister I lost by being too afraid to make contact. I’m only scared because life’s problems gets in my way of being at ease. It rushes through me with an ulterior motive of letting me down and although I’m strong to withstand social anxiety with my dependence on staying safe I’m clueless to the matters of where to go or when to go.

You fit my soul better than anyone and anything in this world does not compare to the love I have for you. I want to know the mutual standards because I’m missing someone I’ve never had in the ways I could feel complete and wish I didn’t let you down by being shy and afraid of having people around me in my misery that leads me to tendencies.

I’m alright today but some days I feel worse like today too in a combination of feeling everything at once and nothing at all. Nameless one I’m sorry I wasn’t around to be your sister or close one or best friend forever. But forever you’re the love of my life and someone I wish I had close by and not someone that could dispose me over anything and especially over pain you can’t handle that I’m emotionally unresponsive to be able to explain on time, on my own, and even sometimes at an “at all” timeframe due to my drastic changes in my development.

I want to say more but I imagine you as the girl I got followed by on social media in summer 2013 and coincidentally ended up going to junior high the following school year with her without knowing that or being in any contact when we made social media mutuals. I’m upset about it but it’s my own fault that I couldn’t be close with you and vice versa but you always showed efforts that I will hold in grateful hands because it always kept me going knowing that I could be loved by you.

I pray the psychic capabilities are true and the answers from the void on our relationship are true. That although we could be relatively closer than expected that it’s still an honest dedication of lover, friendship, and sisterhood. One I’ll likely never get back but one I’ll forgive myself for later on by trying to reach out more. Yes although we are out of high school now and you live away I’ll miss you long time like the memories we shared and the things that didn’t get to happen but could have gone on if only I wasn’t so afraid of being attracted to and loved by a goddess like you.

You’re so appreciated and wonderful and it hurts me deeply that there are ones that poorly talk of your love for them as you’re that special and sweet that you go into overdrive to check on your loved ones. They don’t deserve the privilege to even be in the same space to even know of that side of you. To down talk your greatness and hurt you emotionally by not having the decency to appreciate someone like you hurts my heart to limits that are unsafe. Limits that remind me of my miserable life and limits that overtake my heart and her concentration towards being a better person personally and emotionally.