The Dock

Every day I sat by the water waiting to see your ship in the distance, waiting to see if you took the trip towards me. As time went on, I stayed at the dock a little less. Eventually, I stopped checking altogether – though once in a while I thought about you. I gave in to the reality that it wasn’t going to happen. I carried on with my life and my day to day. And I found myself enjoying my journey.

Then out of the blue, after so much time had passed, I felt a pull on my energy. It couldn’t be…and if it is… I don’t know if I want it anymore. But the pull continued. I found myself facing a shadow of this past and confronting the feelings that it came with. I found myself actually being open to seeing you again, however anything after that, I don’t know. But for sure nothing fast would ever happen. Now I became curious…what was this pulling? I haven’t given this situation any thought in so long…were you reaching out energetically to tell me you had the courage to find your way to me? The road wouldn’t be easy, so much has changed within the time and I’m not easily contacted. I’m a rolling stone and embrace the nomadic life.

Any who, I strolled my way back to the dock out of curiosity. It felt different. Before, the air was intense, sad and yet still hopeful. Now, the air flowed freely with beautiful detachment and acceptance that all is as it should be in this present moment.

I sat at the dock and enjoyed the breeze. I watched the people going to and fro – were there always people at the dock? I never noticed them in the past. I gazed at the ships sailing in with no real expectations. After a while, I left. It is what it is. I had not seen you, but I did realize that maybe I should move closer to the dock. The place was lively and filled with cultured diversity. The people were friendly but minded their business, the energy was vibrant. Maybe it was the dock calling me? Maybe in an effort to leave the part of my past where I waited for you, I left behind so much more. You are not the dock; you’ve never even been to the dock. However I associated you with the dock cause that’s where I stood waiting for you to take the leap, waiting for you to realize your counterpart and make the journey.

I thought I might come back to find you there, but instead I found me. It was not until this moment that I grasped how much I changed and evolved. I’m not the same person I was when I first stood in this spot. I could never be her again even if I tried, but I love her so much and I appreciate her. She went through the devastating heartbreak but kept growing. All that she did got me to where I am now without knowing. And I’m now on my journey to make sure I get to the next level and pass the baton to my next self even better. I fell in love with me and I’m still healing and growing and gaining momentum. I’m learning to live with a freely open heart again. Life is beautiful, even the air is different.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge that you played as the catalyst to this shift within me. I did the work, yes, but your part in creating the tower moment, while it did hurt, in hindsight, was what was needed to start the process in getting me here. So I thank you, I love you, and I appreciate you for the part you played.

I’m heading back to the dock. I might even plant roots there. Something greater is calling me. If you ever wake up to the call of the dock and we cross paths again, then so be it. But if not, that’s fine too. There’s so much more at the dock to live for.