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The Deflection Technique

by Taryn Thomas 2 years ago in advice
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The never ending circle conversation.

Photo credit creation: Taryn

What It Really Means When Your Partner Deflects During Fights

Real talk: fighting with a partner absolutely sucks, no matter how big or how small it sucks. When you are in a relationship with someone, the last thing that you want is to end up arguing, but it does happen, and each time it happens a piece of your heart & soul are taken away. Though fighting is perfectly healthy in a relationship, that isn’t always the case, especially if your partner is not going to have constructive disagreements. Do you ever end up fighting with a partner and feeling like nothing makes sense? I have more times than I can count on my fingers and toes. Deflection is a commonly used technique, that a person can use to distract you from the actual discussion or reason for arguing. When deflection is used you will feel extremely worn out and tired. In this post, we will talk about what it means when your partner does this.

Photo credit creation: Taryn

It is very important that you understand this technique that is used more often than not. The most important thing to understand about deflection is that it is an actively used way to distract from the issue at hand. If your partner is deflecting, it is their way of trying to stop the conversation because they don’t want to have it, as much as you want to have it and keep continuing to state your facts you know to be true because for instance your information came right out of their finger tips. If it wasn’t truth then why were they texting it?

Photo credit creation: Taryn

Unfortunately, a lot of the time this really comes down to them hiding something. Especially if they are feeling guilty about what they did then they are really going to try extra hard to deflect. If someone is actively dodging a conversation, particularly one where you are presenting your valid concerns, because of let’s say unfaithful text messages that span for months on end, there might be a lot more to the story. When they deflect, they are trying to distract you from finding out the truth.

Photo credit creation: Taryn

They Are Not Mature Enough For The Conversation

It can be frustrating to be in an adult relationship, with a big adult baby who doesn’t want to owe up to anything and wants nothing more than to manipulate and attempt to run you in circles, with their lies topped with the famously insecure blame game. It is those times you always find yourself struggling to have a mature conversation, or any conversation at all for that matter. Any type of important conversation is never able to happen, so it’s almost like your just stuck. The fact is that a lot of the time, people will use deflection to escape a conversation that they aren’t ready to have.

Photo credit creation: Taryn

Funny the way that works.

They aren’t ready to have that conversation with you, but they were definitely ready to participate in debauchery they are ashamed, and to guilty to speak about, nonetheless admit to it. Though it is possible that there is something deeper causing it, a lot of the time it comes down to maturity, or a lack of it, as well as honesty, loyalty, faithfulness, and having little to absolutely no respect for their partner. You will find your partner dodging the conversation simply because they aren’t emotionally mature enough to have an honest conversation.

Photo credit creation: Taryn

They Are Projecting

Deflection isn’t just an effective and unfair way to win a fight. It’s not nice to do to someone you are in a relationship with. It is a way to show your partner what is really on your mind. Have you ever found yourself wondering if you are going insane? Because discussions with your partner end up turning into them making wild accusations? Unfortunately, a lot of unhealthy partners will project their own issues onto their partner in a fight. Along with calling their partner every name in the book, constantly bringing up your past from 20 yrs ago, but desperately shouting they don’t wanna talk about it, yet why do we have to continually attempt to live in yesterday why can’t we let the past go. Funny if we are talking about the partners past we’re talking about what happen this month. It infuriates me, as it should you too. All on attempt, while deflecting all their personal misfortunes onto their partner. Now if your partner accuses you of cheating, they might very well be cheating themselves. But not in this case here. Turning these bad behaviors and pointing the finger at you will make you defend yourself so that you stop accusing them. This kind of manipulative behavior must be addressed, and handled immediately. This is something no one should allow to continue.


Deflection is not healthy and has no place in mature conversations. Unless you are constantly pressing unnecessary and unfair conversations on someone, the reality is that they should be open to talking about all important topics. Every relationship has uncomfortable conversations. It is a part of growing together. If your partner dodges real talk and only wants to distract you and escape a conversation, there are bigger problems at hand.


About the author

Taryn Thomas

From the bedroom to the art room I create :) 1st Ever Dirtiest Girl in Porn Retired Adult Film Star on her journey through life.

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