The day my world changed!

Once upon a time, I dated this boy whose hair I cut, that's how we met. We have a chaotic and back and forth situation for about a little over a year. While he was playing weird mind games, one day my brain caught on and life hasn't been the same since.

Suddenly, I didn't care who knew what I was doing in my day to day life or who I talked to, I ended up creating so much destruction because what he didn't know while he was playing with my mind is that I have a beautiful one, meaning its a tad cracked from my childhood, there were some deep-rooted issues I never healed from. Therefore, my brain took twists and turns that I didn't even see coming, among many reasons is why I am the only person I am afraid of. I began doing whatever I wanted and I lied to whoever I had to in my life at that time. I lied to keep the life I built going, after all when you have 2 guys activley trying to beat the other one, I found it more entertaining than I should of.

However, I didn't even know I had that kind of behavior inside of me, until that fateful day in the parking lot of my job, something inside me changed, not only did it change, it took over. I was a fresh new single woman with a different outlook on life.

Well, needless to say, that transition created a lot of hurt and not only for myself but others as well. Many of the people in my life noticed this change but had no idea why or when it happens. Well, I guess I was just sick and tired of being sick and tired. Constantly loving someone who didn't love me back, but I couldn't let him go. Time has made me do some reflection on it, after all, I go to the Doctor at least once a month due to this little love fling I had.

This is what my reflection has taught me, I am unsure why I felt like I needed either one of those 2 fellas I had in my life. I was single, a full-time mother of a 2 year old, worked full time, and at one point, even attempted another college degree. It goes without saying but I was killing it in life at the time, only 22 with a new outlook, since I was happy for once in a long time, I was going to ride that out until it slowly disappeared or I landed in the eye of my own storm. I was having way too much fun to give it up at the time.

In fact, the same person who activated it is the same person who ended up falling in love with me, but he didn't love himself, so he took me down a path I never belonged on, while I willingly went called Oxycotin. We were toxic together for sure, but to me, the feelings I experienced with him was worth every moment of it! He used to be someone that I used to know. He was more than just a guy to me, he ended up becoming my everyday friend, my call in case of an emergency friend, the Clyde to my Bonnie.

When life came to a crossroads for us both, a decision had to be made and he left his future in my hands. I could either keep in right down the street from me, knowing damn well I wasn't done battling my ex-husband and wouldn't be for a while, or let my every day, best friend go back to his home state and get clean from the Oxycotin. Now understand he was my favorite person to be around at the time, so this decision didn't come easy, I cared for him more than I should of as time unfolded, but never the less, I cared about his well being and mental state and what I had going on in my daily life was slowly destroying him and I noticed that. That's why they say when you love someone, you want them happy with or without you. Now you have to understand, I was in the middle of one of my most selfish phases, I'm surprised I made the decision I did.

I let him go back to his home state and get clean, hoping we would meet again for permanency. We never did, I flew out to his state about a year after he left, for 4 days and I haven't seen him since. Which I don't mind, I knew the risks when I let him go, but destroying both of our lives even more by keeping him here, well just wasn't the answer.

A decade and a couple of years pass, that switch in me went away and I became content being with one person, as long as we had a solid real, friendship, I found it easy to stay faithful and a lot less stressful. People worked hard, gave up themselves for a little bit to put work into destroying that switch in me because if you really knew me, you would know the destruction it can cause and not even see it until the damage has been done. I am older now, I got targeted by an individual 6 years ago, without my active switch. He preyed on the good person in me. I have been living in misery ever since I met him, 6 years to be exact. That switch stayed closed the first time he fooled me, maybe even the second. See when someone can look like another, obtain their details and convince you they are that person when it's insulting to someone who has actually been around the person this loser claims to be. It was the 3rd and last time he will ever know who he has in his head, the girl I once was before 6 years of reoccurring trauma changed me.

I felt this part of my brain wanting to come out, I start doing things I normally wouldn't every now and, being blatantly lied to and gaslighted is what did it in. The switch activated and I can't say what will happen, considering I am wiser now, won't give my energy to dumb shit willingly. The truth is I have been forced to disrespect myself and go against my intuition and I couldn't do anything about it, believe me, I have been trying. Just when you think you're safe, he creeps in and tries to ruin yet another friendship. I have no friends, he is not my friend and no amount of his words will make me believe what his actions say isn't true! I won't be fooled in that way again.

Well after many trials and tribulations for 6 years, ever since this no-name targeted me, nothing has been good. It's been a slow and solid downfall no matter what efforts I did, nothing worked. I finally call on a friend, only to get manipulated, used, lied to, and blatantly disrespected as well as violated. After all wouldn't you feel violated if someone was using another name, life, and body, literally to only have sex with you and stall your life more than he already has? He constantly does shady things to me and then proceeds to say, "how does it feel." All I can think is, dang I am in rough condition, I came here for a friend, not some hateful ass nonsense.

Even though he has been warned multiple times to stay away from me, he still can't, he gets off on believing he's the only guy in this whole wide world that would go to the lengths he has. I made it clear as day that he was violating everything I stood for and believe in and I didn't want him in my world ever again. That doesn't keep his creepy ass away, no he just puts on the "look" of another, thinking he actually knows what that person looks like, feels like, and who he is as a person. Within weeks, this 4-year friendship that's been building has tumbled and tumbled hard. Unrecoverable damn near, considering the real one had to of allowed this in some way shape, and form, our friendship seems shattered beyond fixable. Lucky for me and my defenses, this fraud toyed with my fragile heart and brain for the last time, why? My switch flipped, on Jan 8th, 2021, something inside me changed, I stopped hiding, stopped being worried or curious about what he's doing, I stopped seeing him as a lover, friend, pretty much anyone, but someone who wants to hurt me, then turn it around and play the victim. I am unsure where things will go from here, because he has never experienced this side of me. I have never experienced this side of me, with all the facts changed and different, no support system, no friends, all I have to focus on is this dummy who has isolated me and restricted me from reaching out to loved ones. His objective is to make me question my whole life and well I won't, so he's really just wasting my precious time. He's hoping the isolation will be on his side. Little does he know that I don't need another person to be this person that's been sleeping inside me, that he woke up.

What basically happens is he and his crew of terrorists said, fuck everyone's efforts in making this suicidal since 10 females life a happy one and full of joy and no bad sneaky or bad energy, make her feel like its ok to ask for help. I am not stupid, he trapped me here, unknowing who actually gets in here. As he lies there way too comfortable for his own good, little does he know what he just started? He is a narcissist and narcissist love this bitch in me, until their nonfeeling self-righteous ass, either catch feelings or gets their feelings hurt.

The guy that switched my switch the first time, called me karma on multiple occasions and I know why, he knows why, hell even my ex-husband knows why, but this fella who targeted me in 2014, when the only way to describe the aftermath of this last few years, gangstalking has no idea why.

Cut off from all support systems and anyone positive while being constantly bullied, lied to, gaslighted, ect.. ect.. while he turns it all around and tells me how I drive him crazy when it's all backward and he is a passive little boy, his abuse goes unnoticed, well used to. When someone notices it, he changes into someone who I can actually tolerate maybe even like. After I see the person who can tell someone is mentally killing me, that's when his mind games and switching of energy, personalities, ect.. come back.

I have standards for my life and I don't allow certain behavior in my world, once I recognize it I release it and that's why 3 weeks into meeting this fella who targeted me on purpose, I dropped his ass. Well, he wasn't having it, after all, he did target me for gangstalking, 3 weeks wasn't nearly enough time to accomplish ruining my entire life and my sons, who I have yet to be reunited with, due to this issue. As my support system began to slowly fade and my lease was up, when someone had a whole different plan for me, he wasn't done ripping my life apart, in fact, he just began. This go-around is different, he can tell, but it will be interesting to see what dormant issues will arise since my bitch switch turned on. He knows a girl who only sleeps with one person, but he doesn't know the bitch he woke up. However he will eventually get to know and run like the bitch he is, after all everyone else did, even real friends.

To be continued...