The Cling On Date

It was a night like any other, or so I thought. I had been working on my next manuscript for the last several hours. I tend to get lost in my own little world when I am writing. There was music playing low in the background of my bedroom. This is where I choose to write most of the time, with either classic rock or country creating a little noise to help me relax so I can concentrate and get lost in the words on the page. When I write I turn my phone to silent so that I am not interrupted every five minutes with a text or a notification that so and so are now in a relationship or Betty Jean, or Bobbie Sue painted their room purple with blue flakes... Or so facebook tells me. Of course this is also to avoid the insistent nagging from my friend to set me up on yet another bad date. And she feels that she needs to do this because, well I guess because I have not had a decent date in well I don't remember the last one.

However the last guy she set me up on a blind first date with was perhaps one of the worst dates that I can say I have had in a while. First he was late, no not just late he was exceedingly late, an hour to be exact. With no phone call I might add. Which is shocking because the man loved to talk. When he finally did arrive at the agreed upon bar he looked like he had been dipped in furniture polish. I mean the shine on Josh was brighter than the first morning light on a hot summer morning. And I think he actually used super glue to get his hair to stand up like that. Dressed in all skin tight black clothing. When I saw him come in the bar I was silently praying to god, ( to any god ) that this was not my date. But I couldn't be that lucky, as the shinny happy goth like person proceeded to introduce himself to me, I simultaneously was texting my friend Jennifer to ask her why she thought that I needed to be tortured. Her response was something to the effect of my standards were way too high and I needed to be more open minded about people. Well if the date had gotten better as the night went on then I would tend to agree with her. But alas it was all downhill from there.

When I set out on this faithless journey, also known as the first date, that evening I had told myself that I was not going to have a lot to drink. That no matter how good or how bad the date turned out to be I was going to be sensible and keep my whits about me. And well up to this point in the evening I had held true to that. I had a feeling however that that was about to change. And boy was I ever right, now I know why they say always trust your gut. I still am not quite sure why but I decided to give Josh the benefit of the doubt. Well that turned out to be mistake number two for me this night, number one being that I didn't leave immediately upon his arrival. Since I thought I was still going light on the drinking I ordered a glass of Merlot. I am not usually much of a wine drinker, but I figured with this I could drink and still focus and stay alert.

I learned rather quickly that wine was not going to be anywhere near strong enough to tackle this date. I have never been much of a conversationalist, I guess you could say that I am rather mundane and enjoy just light talk between myself and others. Well that turned out to be a good thing with Josh because no one was going to get a word in edgewise with him. From the moment he opened his mouth, he was incessantly carrying on. And yes it seems that Josh has a favorite topic of conversation. That topic being himself of course. Before I knew it he was rambling on prohibitively about every inconsequential detail about himself and his incongruous likes and dislikes.

Listening to Josh droning on and on about his favorite color, and his dislike for modern art and drama films, was giving me a substantial migraine. So as if this was going to alleviate the problem, I proceeded to order a double shot of whiskey. If nothing else I thought that it might create a haze in which I could drown him out for a bit. But it seems that he was on to me because the more I drank the louder and the more he would talk. After what felt like an eternity but turns out it was only an hour and a half, none the less I felt like I knew his life story by this point ( but don't ask me to repeat any of it ) I made up an excuse to leave. Although I can't remember what exactly that was but it was not easy to get away from jabber jaws. All I wanted at that point was to beat my head against a wall because it couldn't feel any worse than the headache he was leaving me with.

I escaped to my car and didn't look back. Needless to say that horrific experience happened a week ago. And everyday since and I do mean every day, my phone blows up to messages from Josh about his day and how we should get together again. It has gotten to the point where I have honestly considered changing my number. However that would be letting him win. Not that he would know that he had won. So to top it off I have been shackled with the cling-ons of all cling-ons. So to answer the question I will not be letting my friend Jennifer set me up on any first dates any time in the near or distant future for that matter.