The bruising caused by physical abuse in a relationship has great value & power for the one abused.

Mentally abusive relationships are so much more complicated & difficult, in comparison to physical abuse.

I know. I lived in one for over 20 years. I am a strong, intelligent, independent woman...yet I got caught in the trap of an abuser. Emotional and mental abuse is by far the worst form of abuse. Healing the mind is a life long process. You eventually learn to just live with the new normal. Complete healing is very rare. You can’t erase the memories. You can learn to accept them and not let them control you for the rest of your life.

I would take physical abuse over mental & emotional abuse any day. You see with physical abuse you have proof. Yes the proof hurts, the proof is ugly, the proof is embarrassing....but it’s still proof. The proof is priceless. You have something to show for it. You don’t have to explain to others your situation. The bruising and broken body speak for themselves. That is gold. There is nothing harder for someone that is seeking help while living in a mentally abusive relationship to have to try to explain and relive the abuse. To try to explain the abuse correctly so the other person understands and MORE importantly believes you, is the most exhausting feeling. When you are done explaining then you hope they got it. Do they understand? Do they believe me?

Not only was I married to an abuser, but to make it even more complicated he was and is a narcissist. He was someone that the world loved. How he carried himself publicly was not who was behind closed doors. He was a monster when alone with me, but a charmer publicly.

When I dared, out of desperation, to open up to others about his abusive behaviors, they would look to me as if I was crazy, exaggerating, and seeking attention. That resulted in great loneliness. To be abused and not believed is living hell. So you stop seeking help and you carry it alone in silence.

How I prayed for a real ugly bruise, a broken bone, ANY physical sign to help me prove my case with others. Sounds crazy right? It’s not. Crazier is telling others that the man they love so much and think is so great is actually a monster...and being looked at in return with doubt. Now that will drive you mad!