The Break-up Mediocre guide

Ahh, break-ups, am I right?

This topic is not difficult to explain. It's a common experience that everyone wants, but it almost feels like it's a vital chapter in our lives. If I had a magic wand and could make anything disappear it would be your exes...

All people experience this horrible episode in their lives. It's a painful experience that everyone has to go through, so if you haven’t yet, don't worry. Your time will come sooner than expected. Only those who are able to skip this chapter are those who meet the love of their lives in highschool and get married forever. We won't be discussing those people because they are suck.

Are you going through a breakup?

Is it something you are going through right now?

Let me share with you 5 amazing tips to help you deal with the difficult and not-so-happy chapter of your life. These tips won't help you forget all the suffering and despair you're experiencing. However, they will help you to gain some perspective and give you some peace-of-mind.

Let's get started.

Challenge your Emotions by using Logic

Without a doubt, the first stages of a split are the most difficult and painful. This is because you feel overwhelmed by emotions that you cannot suppress. As soon as you realize the person with whom you have shared 1-5 years of you life, anxiety and depression will be at your doorstep. You are losing all the wonderful memories you have made, the 'good times' and trips you shared with your loved ones. This is why you need to defend. It's not easy, but it is possible. This is where logic, your emotional regulator, comes in. (Learn more about this later).

Your life will be over after a breakup. Logic can tell you this is temporary and that you will be fine. You will, I swear.

These are just a few examples.

After-breakup thinking You won't find another person like that.

Logic I understand that this is part of the territory. I will learn from it and improve the next one.

Post-breakup thinking Get him/her back at all costs

Logic - It was an enjoyable ride, but it is for the greater good.

It's no joke how stressful and anxious it can make us feel after a breakup. I have seen it affect people I love and the things it causes. You can make unnecessary financial investments, move abruptly to another state, or even go bankrupt. It can sometimes work out, but let's not forget that it's possible to be safer.

Studies have shown that stress can cause structural brain changes.

This information shows that it is important to be mindful of your thoughts when navigating through the various circumstances and causes of a split.

It is not easy to manage our emotions. There is no handbook that will tell us what to do if we feel overwhelmed. Many people don't know that there are many techniques and ways to help them center themselves during conflict situations. This causes them to be reactive rather than proactive. It is easy to see that most tragedies are caused when someone cannot control their emotions. Domestic violence, family disputes that can cause permanent harm, and many other things.

Breathe. Even though you are experiencing terrible emotions, know that you are not alone. You're not in danger and you don't need to make drastic decisions. It doesn't matter if you're in a hurry or trying to make impossible things possible. You can only be present and ensure that you take care of your mind and body.

2. Do not let take away your feelings

It's obvious that emotions and feelings are important. However, I am referring to the possibility that you knew of certain things that were making you uncomfortable in your relationship before it ended. You may have noticed certain patterns or red flags that made you uncomfortable and did not allow you to feel at ease with the person. Guess what? Your gut feelings about this person are probably true, and they are just as valid now as before your split. After a breakup thinking leads you to believe that the'red flags and behavior you don't like are simply your standards being too high or that you need to be patient with people because 'nobody' is perfect. Let me tell you, that's complete and utter bullsh*t.

You can tell if there are things that are not right with the person you are dating. This is useful information. Your emotional thinking will tell you that you are able to tolerate the behaviors you don't like, so long as it means that you have that person back in you life. This will only last as long as you get to have that person back in your life. Once you are back together and have relieved your separation anxiety, all the indicators will become clear again. The vicious circle is over.

Run if you see a lion coming towards you. Do not stand still hoping that the lion isn't hungry or has just returned from eating an All-Vegetarian Beyond Burger. If you feel that the person you are breaking up with is toxic or has compromised your values, don't wait for them to change. Consider the split a blessing. Run and get on with your life.

3. You can forgive

This is easier said than done.

It's easy to think of all the things you could have done better when going through a divorce. This is true for everyone. You can always look back at your past and see that there are many things you could improve on. You don't have to be with the person you are currently seeing to improve your chances of success. As you go forward in your life, you can reflect on and discover new non-negotiable standards and values. You are not the only one who determines who you will be or what your future looks like. Unfortunately, many people find themselves in relationships that make their partner see things differently. You can be manipulated by your partner through harsh words, accusations or gaslighting. Simply put, stay away from people who use your past failures as an indicator of who you are today. If it is beneficial for their relationship, you should stay away from those who tell you what to hear. But if things aren’t going your way, you need to destroy the relationship. These partners will make you crazy and cause you to question your self-worth. They can't work out how to get over their traumas so they blame you.

I will admit that I was a bit sarcastic in the last paragraph.

In the spirit of creating balance, I will tell you that your partner may not lie to you in every instance if you recognize that you are actually messing up in certain areas of your relationship. Your partner may act as a mirror in your life, showing you the things you can improve upon. If this is the case, I recommend that you take some time to reflect on your life and ensure that you have addressed these issues before you start dating again.

If you can confirm that your relationship ended because of you messing up, it's not cause to be discouraged. Human beings make mistakes and try their best. It is time to face up to our mistakes, accept them and move on. "The show must continue."

4. Do not drag your friends to this

We all need to vent. We don't want our friends to be burdened by endless talk about your breakup. We've been there. Everyone has problems, and everyone can experience high levels of stress. We need to recognize that.

It might seem like that's why friends are there, and it is. My life would not be the same without my friends, who I love and care about. I suggest that you make the most of the time you spend with your loved ones to help get through the day.

My last split was difficult. I can recall living with my twin brother, his partner and me at that time. I was the one who brought everyone down during my separation. My low energy levels and lack of enthusiasm affected my brother. It was almost as if my heart-breaking sadness had been transferred to him. In light of this, I pledge to never allow my problems to become my friend's, at least not in an adverse way.

I encourage you to find other uplifting activities that will reduce your venting and instead use that energy to work out, study or journal (especially journaling).

Journaling has many benefits, according to research. Journal writing is known for its healing properties. This is one of the most popular aspects. Research has shown that journal-keepers are more likely than others to feel connected to their emotions, and to use problem-solving skills. A journal can also be used to relieve stress, release negativity, focus on gratitude, and help with difficult emotions.

Writing a journal is an effective and simple way to cope with panic disorder. Through...www.verywellmind.com

If you are like me, and carry a laptop everywhere, journaling could be your best friend. You can also be a quicker typer, which is great for job applications. We're already making great progress.

Side note - Venting is important and I urge everyone to find someone to confide in and to regularly express their emotions. It is a necessity. You should allow for socializing with people you love, but not make every meeting a therapy session.

Final thoughts

Every person's experience will be different. This type of situation is not for everyone. Some people may find it easier (they are probably robots), but for most, it is a difficult and painful journey. You will be fine in the end, no matter how hard it may seem. That's the good news.