The Art of Going Alone

I will always remember the date 21st October 2017. This is when I went to my first concert alone.

Concerts, strangely, are not somewhere people normally consider going alone. Well, not at the ripe age of 21 anyways. However, I happened to have booked to see Zara Larsson, whom I was definitely not missing coming to Manchester, and unfortunately did not find anyone else in the end to go with.

'Sorry I don't know who that is'

'I'm kind of broke at the moment I'm sorry'

'I'm busy that evening I'm afraid'

The excuses were rolling in the night before and I was drastically running out of people to ask. I ended up googling 'can you go to a concert alone?'.

I was overwhelmed with what I read. It turns out, I really had nothing to worry about and I, shock horror, wasn't the first person on the planet to have done this. I had missed several concerts in the past, small or large, because I had no one to go with. I remember those events with regret. Who knows when you're favourite band or artist will next come back in town? You only regret the things you don't do.

So, I went solo. Sure, I was a bit self concious that I was just drinking alone at the bar beforehand, but once we were seated (I prefer having some space at gigs), I realised that... no one actually cares? The classic spotlight effect (a phenomenon where people tend to overestimate how much others notice them).

Once I had settled down and pretended to be busy on my phone, I soon had two friendly ladies next to me. At the end of the day, everyone at a gig already has one thing in common - the performer, the whole reason why you're all there. So, naturally, this was the ice breaker to start some conversations with a total stranger. 'Is this your first time seeing ....?' 'Where have you travelled from today?' 'What did you think of their latest album?'

This was one of my most memorable concerts because it opened a set of doors brimming with opportunties. From then on, if there was anything I wanted to do, say, go watch a film, go to a gig, go to an art gallery I have felt so much more comfortable just going alone. I treat it like taking myself out on a date, #selfcare.

As someone that is quite extroverted and loves other people's company, I also hate missing out on things. Especially, since I'm in my 20s in a large city. I want to make the most of all the opportunties given to me, and just enjoy being my authentic self. This is me. I am not afraid to go out of my comfort zone and spend my time exactly how I want to instead of giving into the worry of what others will think of me.

When you do go to a gig with a friend, how often do you really talk to other people? You're at a crowded venue, could be small or could be hundreds of you, but you just talk to your friend or friends that you have come along with. Everyone else is, well, a bit of a nuisance.

When you go on your own, similar to going to a foreign country and forcing yourself to speak the native language, you will feel a much bigger urge to talk to other people. Don't feel like you have to make best friends for life (although it's great if you do), but sometimes its really nice to just talk to people that have no background knowledge about you whatsoever. It's like a blank slate. Complain about your crappy day at work, show pictures of your dog for the hundredth time, it doesn't matter. Especially, since there are always other people that have come along alone and would very likely be more than happy to have a chat with you. Remember, if you're stuck for conversation starters, remember you're all there for the same reason. Whether that's a movie, gig, or at a sushi bar. Another tip is complimenting something they're wearing. Do you like their dress? hat? glasses? Make their day, even if no conversation comes of it, you've made someone smile.

My true self is doing what I want without the shackles of societal expectations. My worst fear is looking back and having regretted things I didn't do because of how others would perseve of me. I now go to art workshops, restaurants and museums on my own because I can.