humor
"Humor is what binds humans together and makes difficult times just a little less painful; Sometimes you can't help but laugh. "
HOW MUCH DO EARRINGS WEIGH?
Whether it’s an appointment at the doctor’s office, your turn at the Weight Watcher scale, or your day in the privacy of your own home to get on that scale, you’re going to do everything in your power to make sure that the numbers that show up are as low as possible. You’ve taken your diuretic and have peed 8 times in the last 5 hours. If you are at the doctor’s office or weight loss group, you’ve taken off every stitch of clothing possible that won’t get you arrested for indecent exposure. You are left wearing light- weight shorts, a tank top, and flip-flops (since they instituted that pesky rule no longer allowing you to remove your shoes), regardless of the snow, rain, or freezing temperatures outside. If you’re home, you are completely naked, as you place one foot on the scale, while holding onto the doorknob. Then the next foot goes on as you slowly let go of that doorknob and look down. You see that it’s 4 oz over your last weight. What can you do about it? You try repositioning the scale. Three times. When that doesn’t budge the numbers, you think about what else you can do. Well, you are still wearing your watch; you are still wearing your glasses, and is that a tiny pressure on your bladder? You remove your watch, your glasses, and you go to the bathroom one more time, but before you step on the scale again, you remember the earrings. How much could earrings possibly weigh? It doesn’t matter. They must weigh something, so off they come. You step on the scale one more time. Success! 5 oz gone. You’ve lost weight!
By Joan Gershman5 years ago in Humans
Dying to Know
Call me morbid. When my oldest daughter was little, we used to go for walks through a cemetery in our neighborhood. But I wasn't some ghoulish creature of the night with a fetish for death. We live in a city and the cemetery was one of the largest green spaces within walking distance. The big shade trees and cool stone markers offered respite on hot days. I'd often see people sitting under the branches of the elms, or leaning against the cool of a crypt contemplating life and the end of it.
By Vivian R McInerny5 years ago in Humans
The Battle of the Dawn
A new Saturday dawned as the sun rose over the Tennessee farmland until it reached Scattersville road and crept into the windows of our new townhome. I was fifteen going on grown, and waking up under the same roof as my two best friends, Brandy and Stephen, was the epitome of joy. Added to the absence of my younger brother, and this made for an ideal way to start the weekend. I loosened my waist-length, Pentecostal hair from its messy bun atop my head and swirled my locks into a fresh messy bun as I made my way down the stairs.
By Brittany Shelby-Phillips5 years ago in Humans
Werewolf vs Vampire
Okay, it's not like a physical competition but a would you rather? The week of Halloween (which is busy as hell for me and why I was NOT on my computer much), the radio station that I listen to had the question Would you rather date a werewolf or a vampire and you have to pick one?
By Tuesday Daily5 years ago in Humans
Things I always wanted to say at Parents' Evening
My name is Gary and I was a teacher. Phew! There. That was difficult. I was a teacher for 19 years and there were parts of the job I loved, like filling in data, bowing down to senior leaders younger than most of my shoes, writing reports, Sports Day, pointless meetings. Oh, and the marking. God, I loved the marking.
By Gary De Cloedt5 years ago in Humans
EEKSQUEEK MCGEEKBEEK
Not so many years ago, my son Caleb and his wife Robin were talking about the hockey draft, which was a usual conversation in their home. Caleb has been a hockey fan his entire life. He told Robin, that an up and coming Hockey player from Ireland, Eeksqueek McGeekbeek was being drafted by the Minnesota Wild. As Robin was looking skeptical, Caleb then said that the players Gaelic name is Aacksquake McGaakbake. Can you imagine? Still the suspicious look, so he then mentioned the Hawaiian football draft players Jahlani Tavai, Solo Vaipulu, Eperone Moananu, all linebackers and Troy Aumua Polamalu, a strong safety.
By Denise E Lindquist5 years ago in Humans
Why Are Some People Just Natural Born Liars?
When it comes to telling the truth, are you just as bad as Pinocchio? You may think the question doesn’t apply to you, but maybe to someone you know. Perhaps you just find it hard to admit the truth, because in reality, we all lie.
By Justiss Goode5 years ago in Humans
