Such A Cancer

Oh yeah, you're such a Cancer. I've heard this so often I've learned t0 add it to my response when someone asks about my sign. I'm a Cancer. I know, I know, totally makes sense. I'm a science nerd, a fan of study-driven facts over opinions or popular gossip. For years I brushed astrology aside as a waste of time. I still don't look at it as fact or an excuse to avoid someone (oh, you're an Aquarius? No thanks), but I have to admit it's a little eerie how spot-on my sign tends to be. When I met my now-wife five years ago she introduced me to the world of astrology, and now the signs are an integral part of conversations about the people in our life, and even discussions about our marriage. She's a Scorpio. Go figure.

Life as a Cancer is all about the heart (or really, the limbic system, says my science nerd brain). Everything in my life is about emotion: my career, my marriage, my friends; every decision I make is based on how it makes me feel, how it might make my loved ones feel. I'm a born helper, caring to a fault, maternal bordering on manipulative. I'm happier at home than anywhere else, finding more joy in a book or a solo hike than any social outing could bring. People tell me all the time that they would be scared to cross me wrong because I come across tough and thick-skinned, yet I've been known to break down watching especially heartfelt Subaru commercials. It's the crab in me, tough on the outside but only to protect a very soft underbelly. And don't waste your time trying to hide how you're feeling - chances are I knew it before you did, and I'm just waiting for the chance to cry it out with you.

To make things more complicated - and as I've learned, the world of astrology can get very complicated - I'm not just a Cancer. Based on the time, date, and year I was born, and all the wild and amazing planetary and galactic activity at that very second, I'm a Cancer sun with a Gemini moon. I was appalled when I first read that; a Gemini? No way. I am so not part Gemini.

I'm totally part Gemini.

If reading descriptions of fellow Cancers is eerie, then reading about Cancer sun Gemini moon is downright haunting. It speaks to my identity, or lack thereof; I know my essence and core values but in some ways I don't really know who I am, and am constantly spending energy trying to figure it (me) out. I get bored at the drop of a hat, dedicating myself fully to new hobbies or music genres with fervor and dropping them a month later, returning again only after I stumble across a memory of it a ways down the road. I hate to be pinned down or labeled, and I mostly love all of this about myself. I'm one of the most open-minded people you'll meet; what right do I have to judge you, when I'm never even fully sure who I am? I'm quirky, I'm extremely introspective, my emotions run deep, and I know how to use all of this to my advantage. Most importantly, I will do anything in my power to avoid letting any of this - or anything/anyone else - hurt those around me. Caring to a fault, remember?

It's important for me to reiterate that I don't use zodiac signs as an excuse for acting a certain way, and I never judge a person based solely on their sign. That said, they absolutely come in handy as descriptors. When explaining my mother to a friend who has only met her in her happier times, it can be difficult to explain her tougher moments. Don't get me wrong, she's one of the kindest people you'll meet. But when she gets mad, it's intense. She has this stubborn, determined fury about her...she's a total Leo. My friends only nod; enough said. People smile knowingly when I say my wife is a Scorpio, and I know what's going through their heads: complex, magnetic, sexy, mysterious, extremely dangerous if mistreated and extremely rewarding when treated well. They're not wrong.

My wife is the textbook definition of a Scorpio woman and she loves that I'm a Cancer, although I know it's also the number one thing about me that drives her insane. I'm a great listener, incredibly loyal and protective, and there is no end to the intensity and passion a Scorpio and a Cancer can share. I'm also overly protective in sharing how I feel - unless you ask the right questions at the right moment, you won't get much out of me. My mood changes with the moon, so full of joy I could weep one moment, quietly fuming the next, staring sadly into the abyss after that. Fortunately (or maybe not so fortunately), I exist almost entirely in my own inner world - I daydream constantly, and by the time I mention any of my issues or thoughts to my wife I've already pondered it internally for at least a few days, if not longer.

If you look online, you'll likely find that Cancer/Scorpio pairings are risky but have the potential for great payoff if enough of the right effort is put in. There's always a chance that the Scorpio will be too rough for the Cancer, or the Cancer too actively emotional for the Scorpio. If both individuals are mature and self-aware enough, they may find a balance that can only be defined as perfectly yin & yang. Both moon signs, Scorpio and Cancer also supposedly have insane chemistry in more...intimate...ways. If you play your cards right (meaning work hard every day to stay open & honest, communicate regularly, and balance each other's unique sources of joy), a marriage between these two signs can purportedly be a beautiful thing. I'm here to tell you that it's all true: the challenge, the risk, the reward, and absolutely the passion.

There will always be another way to label or describe oneself. I'm an INFP/enneagram type 2/Cancer/year of the pig/Ravenclaw. In my case it all fits together to paint a pretty accurate picture of the introverted, intellectual, insanely emotional person I am usually pretty happy to be. At the same time, it's important to remember that a person is always more than the sum of their parts, and no label (or combination thereof) will ever paint a full picture. My mother's fierceness is as much about growing up with five siblings as it is about her lionhearted sign. My wife's magnetic intensity could draw from her scorpion stinger, or her California Bay Area upbringing. My protected sensitivity and love of human nature might be my crab shell & soft underbelly, or it may just be my chaotic childhood home life and continued interest in studying mental health (mine as much as anyone else's). I'm as unique as every other person on the planet, Taurus, ENTJ, Hufflepuff, or otherwise. I'm proud of all the ways I fit into the categories I've listed, and I love myself for every way that I break the mold. I hope you can love that in yourself, too.