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Stop Choosing Boys

by A. Danelle 3 months ago in advice

A Single Mothers Guide to Dating...

Stop Choosing Boys
Photo by Giorgio Trovato on Unsplash

If you're reading this story, you have either started dating or you are already in a relationship and a little unsettled. Whether it is a congratulation or an "oh crap! what have I done" I'm here to help you fix that issue.

As mothers we are naturally caregivers. In most cases we like to feel needed and accepted. Being a parent is a difficult job, doing it alone is even harder than imagined. Sometimes you feel empty and pained with longlines. Other times you just need a break because you feel overwhelmed. Then there are times that you don't really feel anything but desperate to feel something.

Companionship can either make or break you. If you have been in a relationship with an abuser then you know exactly how it feels to be broken and you don't want to make that mistake again.

When you're dating and children aren't involved there is room for mistakes to be made. Although we don't really want them one way or the other, it's better when other hearts aren't involved.

How do you weed out the "boys" and get a "man"?

1. Just because a man has a job, his own place, and a car doesn't make him a provider. Take time to get to know him, watch how he plans, watch how he spends his money. Does he spend his money wisely or frivolously?

** Sometimes when we are dating we look past this, that is how we end up in marriages that are falling apart because the finances aren't on the same page. When you have kids and you desire marriage, you need a man that is a good provider. A man who manages his money well, is a man that you can trust to keep you afloat when the hard times come. No, I'm not saying look for a sugar daddy or a man to make you a stay at home Mom. I'm saying you want someone that you can build a life with and you can't do that if he acts like a big kid.

2. Try to look beyond looks. No I'm not saying he needs to look like a wolf dog, I'm just saying that maybe in the beginning you are blinded by his looks. Get to know his heart. Suddenly its like kissing a frog that turned into a prince.

3. If he is in a rush to come to your house, knowing that you have kids and you only been together a few weeks, RUN! wait at least 6 months to a year before you bring your kids into the picture. Kids get attached and you don't know if he is a pervert or not yet. Protect your babies.

4. If he has children and he doesn't spend time with them or pay child support, DUMP HIM! and don't look back or you'll turn into a pillar of salt (just kidding) but your life will come crashing down. If he can't take care of his own kids he can't take care of you and your kids and if he does, SHAME ON HIM.

5. Check his manners. If you have daughters, they should see (once your 6 mo. to a year is up) a man who treats you like a queen. Make sure he opens doors. Is slow to anger. Humble and honest. If you have son's its ok to let them see you kiss (maybe a year after dating) not to passionately but enough to show that its ok to show respectful affection to a woman.

6. Make sure that he does for your children as much as he does for you. Again, this is when a few years have gone by. Make sure that he does things to make your children feel special and imported. Would you want this man to be the bonus Father of your children?

7. Take things slow. Make a list of things you would change from your last relationship that you value.

8. Make sure he communicates well. That is so important for a relationship. It opens the heart on a different level and its very intimate to have great conversations. Try it out and mark my words.

9. Last but not least, Be sure that he is present when you need him the most without asking him.

Above, is just a few things that separates a boy from a man. Let's stop finding boys mentality men. Then we start thinking that there are no good men out there when the reality is, they might be a good man, their just not ready.

Choose Wisely!

advice
A. Danelle
A. Danelle
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