Speak our truth

Over the years I always had people telling me to speak my truth and I was always wondering what the were talking about. Not speak the truth, but speak MY truth. As the years have gone by and my healing has now began I know what it means.

I never stick up for myself for the sake of having no confrontation. I don't like confrontation, I grew up with enough of it as a kid and it always ended in me being told I had to just agree because that's how it was. I never fought for myself, I nodded in agreement to end the confrontation and be set free of the situation. Back then I was a child and didn't know that I had a right to be heard and have my own thoughts and opinions even if I was a child.

I also didn't know that my parents had their own growing to do. They had their own trauma's to heal and their own monsters to slay and whatever damage their monsters ended up causing myself and my siblings would have to be dealt with by us. We are all responsible for how we react to situations good or bad.

So here I am my kids all grown, divorced, living in my home with my ex, and my exes son and my daughter, healing, growing, learning how to let go of things beyond my control and live in the beauty of each now moment. It's really all we have.

I have been successful recently of stepping out of my comfort zone. I have passed my producers exam and gotten my license for Life insurance. It's a goal I have been working towards but keep getting low and putting it off. I can't keep putting myself off. I should already be making the money, fully trained and helping people. I won't let any more goals get put off because it's not respecting myself to not have my own back in moving forward with my life.

I promised myself that I would keep moving forward and not let anyone deter me. People want to be in my life great, come on in, get comfy and enjoy the peace, but don't mess it up and be disrespectful and rude. I require very little and don't ask anything much from anyone so if people can't keep my boundaries they are soon to leave.

I am surrenduring to the universe and living each moment the best I can trying to remain grateful and positive about the life we shall make. I know to stay focused and create the life I want by seeing it in my mind and then acting as though it is already. That means putting one foot in front of the other in the direction of your goal and knowing that the universe has your back and will make it all happen for you.

We get what we put out. Frequency is everything. I'm still learning, still trying to let go of the past and everything else because you never know what may happen tomorrow. I will continue to heal, and put out as much love and gratitude for my life as I can. Love and more to be grateful for will surely come.

These past couple years have seemed like a life saver for me. When Covid hit and they said stay home I thought "Perfect, I need to meditate and get working on me." When I got laid off I thought "Even better now I can find a different job and hopefully something more suited for me" When I couldn't find anything I kept trying updated Resumes and put out endless applications.

As Covid rages on I have been working for over a year at my current job and have been working for a company already but now have my license to make money selling insurance. I don't watch the news, so I don't know much about what the newest propaganda is but I know that I have tested for Covid New Years weekend of 2021, then was sick again this year with what felt the same although I didn't go get tested this time. I just stayed home til better and went back to work like the good old days.

Blessings have come into my life, I have felt at peace, happy even for the most part. The world around me rages on with people starting to stand up and fight for their freedom. People are quitting their jobs by the thousands mostly due to the shot mandates. Politicians are fighting as usual. Diseases rage on and every death is marked as Covid. I don't know who's winning the fights.

In my world, I have had it twice (most likely maybe more times) at this point I'm not too worried about getting it, and I should have natural immunity by now anyway. The shot doesn't keep me from getting it or giving it. I won't be getting that vaccine. There is no point to it. I am not being selfish I simply care about it means to get it and then get a new one every month to make the first one work.. it isn't right and I won't be getting it.

With that said I am all for the Freedom that we all should have to choose what we think is best for us. If you want to get it for whatever reason then you should have the freedom to do so. If you don't want it great, you also should have the freedom to choose. I however am busy building a life I don't want to run from and living what may end up being the best years of my life.

I am finally starting to learn to speak my truth. I am learning to speak out for myself. I am learning to communicate my needs. I am setting boundaries and letting people know when they cross those boundaries. I am growing and seeing the lesson in challenges placed on me. I am not worrying my life away wondering about tomorrow or yesterday.

I'm seeing gratitude in the sunshine, the blue skies and the blessings abundant in my life. I am creating a better life for me and my children. I am learning to love myself more each day and always trying to move forward with flow of the universe. Surrender, I did and it has freed up so much for me. I let go every day. Deep breath, and go. Take a step into your future, Create what you want and move towards it like it is already yours. The Universe will help you make sure it is.