Six Reasons Divorce is a Good Thing
The bright side of breaking up a marriage
For many people, marriage is the ultimate goal in life. A confirmation that you are a good, successful, and loved person in society. Being married means you have legally been approved as a normal person who may apply for tax benefits, go to brunch, and be regarded as a positive pillar in society.
In contrast, all that goes crashing down when you get divorced. Self-doubt, insecurity, loss of respect from family and society, and a feeling of failure invade all your waking moments.
If you can’t succeed in marriage, how will you succeed in life?
The stigma of divorce is a strong force that many people struggle with despite divorce being so common. In fact, in America, according to the latest census statistics, the divorce rate is 39%. But according to the CDC, the obesity rate of Americans is about 42%.
So there are almost as many divorced people as there are obese people. But unlike obesity where people disparage fat-shaming and empathize with the struggle to control weight, no one really tries to celebrate or honor those who get divorced.
So as a fellow divorcee, I would like to tell you that I am proud that I got divorced and you should be too. Rather than hide in shame from family and societal pressures to make things work, I cut ties and moved on with my life.
I am not saying I broke up a perfectly good marriage because I wanted to get divorced. Rather, I chose happiness and being honest with myself and my partner rather than doubling down on the idea that divorce is shameful and an easy way out.
Here are some reasons why divorce can be a good thing and possibly even the best thing you can do:
The Love Is Gone
This might be harsh but the reality is people fall out of love all the time. Maybe it happens within a few months or possibly it might take years. But most couples have an expiry date so staying in a marriage past that date only causes it to stink.
Divorce ensures you can focus on relationships that bring you happiness and positive energy
If there is no love in a relationship, things will quickly devolve into bickering, undermining each other, and a general weakening of each other’s spirits. Escaping that miserable feeling of hollowness can give you a new start and a chance to be your true self.
You Can Follow Your Dreams
When I was young, my dream was to be a musician. And as I grew up I started listening to various types of music, learning to play guitar, and improving on my vocal range. Once I entered the workforce, music was still a hobby and passion of mine and I still hoped someday I might be able to perform in public.
However, being married made it harder to achieve that dream, and also the lack of support from my partner made me feel like I should give up on that dream.
Sometimes marriage and a partner can deflate your dreams and discourage taking chances and living life to the fullest. Rightfully called a ball and chain, it can limit your potential and keep you trapped in place.
After a divorce, freedom, and opportunities are infinite.
You can pick up that guitar and perform at an open mic, take a road trip across the country, or finally put your effort and time into building that cabin in the woods you dreamed of constructing. Just don’t isolate yourself and become all Unabomber towards society.
Your Interests Don’t Match
Couples often get together because they worked together, studied together, or were part of the same group of friends. Initially, the time spent together was enhanced by attraction and hormones. Some couples even share hobbies like surfing or traveling that help further cement their relationship.
But often, the opposite happens as well. As lust dissipates and attraction grows dim, some couples find that they have nothing in common and no shared interests.
People change over time and sometimes one partner moves further away from the other.
Divorce can be the get out of jail card that can release you and help you find someone who shares the interests that you still hold. Divorce gives you the chance to meet someone more suited for the person you are NOW, not who you used to be.
Respect Is Gone
Many couples start arguing and drifting away from each other as respect for each other and their relationship dwindles. Seeing your partner in a variety of situations, you get to see the real person inside. Their dreams, hopes, fears, and flaws. If you can accept these then love grows but more often than not, you lose respect for your partner when their ideas don’t match yours.
Divorce helps show people what type of person would fit their needs and keep mutual respect alive
Using the experience gained from a past marriage, you can ensure you don’t make the same mistakes and you respect your next partner even more.
Parenting styles differ
I learned this lesson even before having kids when I got a dog. We shared a pet and I quickly learned that my partner and I were not on the same page in terms of caring for and nurturing another creature.
Even though children are obviously different than pets, I could see in the treatment, reactions, emotions, and actions of my partner, that we had very different styles of dealing with things.
Getting divorced before having kids was a blessing as I didn’t have to worry about messing up the lives of any children we had together
It was a clean break and I learned that in the future I would base getting into a serious relationship on how compatible we were in terms of parenting.
And for those couples that have kids, divorce might uproot the lives of children and cause some problems, but in the long run, both parents and children will be better off.
Long Term Goals Are Different
Marriage is “till death do us part” which means you must depend on your partner for your entire life. This also means how you shape your life will need to be intertwined with your partner’s life.
This is a great support structure if both parties hope to end up in the same place at the end of their lives but can be a nightmare if future goals differ.
If one partner wants to buy a house, grow old, retire and enjoy their golden years watching their kids grow, while the other hopes to buy a boat and sail across the world, someone is not going to be happy.
Each person wants to fulfill their hopes and dreams and leave this world knowing they did their best and had a good life. But if you are stuck in your partner’s dream and have to give up your own to keep the marriage going then this might be a lifelong regret that could hamper the relationship.
Instead, even if it means giving up a secure and safe marriage, it might make more sense to let your partner go and fulfill their destiny while you fulfill yours
A divorce can be a healthy and happy thing that assists in achieving your goals in life. Initially, going through the paperwork, negotiations, splitting of assets, custody issues, and the realization that you are permanently breaking away from a relationship that you put a lot of faith into might seem gargantuan. But as time passes and wounds heal, you will find you made the right decision.
The best thing about getting married and getting divorced is that it’s a choice. You chose to be with someone and now you are choosing not to be with them. Despite it being a contract that is supposedly binding for life, the reality is things change and people change. Having the choice and option to divorce might sound like a negative, but can actually be a breath of fresh air when you are slowly drowning.
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