Signs That You’re Sabotaging Your Relationship and How to Stop It

Most of the time, you're not as good to yourself as you should be. You overthink and believe that you don’t deserve love at all.

Eventually, this toxic side of you will be the main reason why your relationship will fall apart.

If you want a long-term commitment, protect your relationship by knowing all about romantic self-sabotage and how to stop it before it gets out of control.

What Is Romantic Self-Sabotage?

Self-sabotage is negative behaviors and thought patterns that hinder you from becoming the person you have to be. It is unhealthy and destroys your opportunity to grow.

Similarly, romantic self-sabotage is a consistent pattern of self-destruction that affects your relationship one way or another.

The ugly truth is, every one of us tends to self-sabotage.

It’s likely you’re unconsciously sabotaging your relationship.

Why Do You Sabotage Your Relationships?

It’s hard to see past your mistakes as you tend to be biased towards your own decisions. You like to believe that you are right when there are times you are not.

In effect, most of your self-sabotaging habits happen subconsciously, and here’s why:

1. You have low self-esteem and self-worth.

This is one of the main reasons you sabotage your relationship, according to Maggie Dancel, Psy. D., a clinical psychologist.

Because you have less regard for yourself, you feel as if everyone around you is a threat. You stir up drama as a way to keep her interested while getting her attention and affection altogether.

2. You fear commitment.

You can be in a relationship right now while at the same time fear commitment. Paradoxical, yes.

You believe that her presence will affect your sense of liberty, and you simply aren’t ready for it.

3. You fear getting hurt.

No love comes without pain, and this is an absolute truth.

When you’re in a relationship, anticipating hurt will be an effective way to get ready for it. However, if you still fear getting hurt despite knowing the fact, this will prompt you to self-sabotage.

4. You have trust issues.

Having a skeptical view on love can be due to a variety of reasons, such as past betrayals, early life experiences, and broken relationships.

When you can’t give her your trust, you’ll likely manifest toxic and possessive traits that will surely discourage her.

5. You have unrealistic expectations.

One of the ultimate causes for relationships to fall apart is unrealistic expectations. You aren’t in a movie to start with, and you should know this.

See to it that you and her are on the same page by setting healthy expectations to avoid getting false hopes.

6. You lack basic relationship skills.

If you’re immature, egocentric, close-minded, or inexperienced, you lack relationship skills. Because of this, you will most likely fail your relationship in the long run.

Perhaps you’ve recognized some of these behavioral patterns in yourself, and you may not find the motivation to stop these because you’re aware that these habits allow you to walk away from your relationship anytime you wish to.

In effect, it becomes a problem.

Why Is It A Problem?

Your self-sabotaging habits will create difficulties for your relationship, especially when you don’t try to change them.

Below are some of the possible consequences it includes:

1. It can cause great loneliness.

Sabotaging your relationship disrupts your chances with potential partners, making you lack connections and constantly finding yourself isolated from others.

2. It causes a lack of intimate relationships.

Eventually, you will crave a long-term relationship and a partner who can give you stability. But because of your self-sabotaging tendencies, what you’re looking for might be difficult to get.

3. It is the reason why you don’t have a family.

As mentioned, failing to build an intimate relationship can cause loneliness. While you may not exactly want children, you’ll realize that having someone to build a family with is great.

4. It is the reason why you have difficulty maintaining relationships.

Sabotaging your relationships can make it harder for you to build intimacy with future partners as well. You can never reach the point where you’re both comfortable with each other because you find ways to disrupt your connection with her.

Sometimes, the biggest threat to your relationship is you. Learn to accept this truth, and you’ll be able to protect what you have in front of you.

What Are the Signs I’m Sabotaging My Relationship?

Here are some of the most common signs you’re sabotaging your relationship:

1. You recognize negative emotions but refuse to address them.
2. You always criticize your partner even when you don’t have to.
3. You’re easily annoyed even with small things, eventually holding grudges for it.
4. Your expectations are too high and unrealistic.
5. Rather than see each other perfectly, you focus on both of your imperfections.
6. You resort to stonewalling most of the time.
7. You avoid being intimate with her.
8. You often break your promises.
9. Other things that matter more than your relationship.
10. Even though you’re aware of your behavior, you don’t intend to improve it.
11. You’re paranoid.
12. You always come up with lame excuses.
13. You cancel plans at the last minute.
14. You usually make her wait by showing up late to your dates.
15. You have a habit of taking things personally.
16. You always want to be right.
17. You dwell on the past.
18. You constantly compare her to others.
19. You look for the easy way out.
20. You’re a jealous partner.

How Can I Stop It?

To stop sabotaging your relationship, recognizing these habits from yourself is the most important step.

Here’s how you can stop it:

• Familiarize each other’s way of dealing with relationships. Knowing your attachment styles helps you understand why your partner acted a certain way.
• Show patience because anger will not help you at all.
• Always be honest. Your discussions are your outlets to express your emotions and suggestions.
• Show vulnerability to each other. At this point in your relationship, being pretentious isn’t what you need.

You might be the reason why she’s in pain. If you think you’re sabotaging the relationship, you need to pause, reflect, and stop. Nadiya Kovtun