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Signs That You Legitimately Terrify Dates

by Ossiana Tepfenhart 5 years ago in advice / dating / list / single

If you're experiencing a dry spell in the dating world, see how you stack up against the signs that you legitimately terrify dates.

Once in a blue moon, you'll meet someone who is great on paper but can't ever seem to get a girlfriend regardless of how hard he tries. Sometimes, it's not a guy who has this problem - it's a girl.

Either way, there's a big disconnect going on. They look okay, are gainfully employed, and have degrees. So, what gives? Most people who are in this situation can't figure out why they are always solo, and might be looking online for a reason that they need to fix.

Online, it's nearly impossible to figure out why these folks aren't partnered up, especially if they are regularly trying to meet new people. However, when you meet them in person, it becomes very clear why they're single after all these years.

They terrify dates.

Though you might not be trying to do this, you may actually be guilty of it yourself. These signs indicate that you're scaring your potential partners away, and that you may have to think about how you're coming across to dates before you agree to meet up again.

You're desperate and will take anyone with a pulse.

Oh, this is tough on so many levels!

When you're desperate, you give off a vibe of insecurity, which can cause people to back away, which in turn makes you even more desperate than you were a week ago. Worse still is that it tends to be compounded by comorbid issues like depression, anxiety, or body issues.

It's a vicious cycle, and it's something that's insanely hard to put a stop to once it starts. Sadly, desperation scares away everyone regardless of gender.

The problem with desperation is that it often means that there's something else lacking in your life that you may need to acquire before you can start having normal dating experiences and expectations.

Sometimes, it means that you need to fix yourself or improve yourself. Take a good, strong look at yourself. Would you date you? If not, what would you change?

However, there's also a good chance that you may need professional help to work everything out. You may want to look into group therapy, or to figure out what would give you the confidence boost you need to lay down the law.

You've been told you have anger problems, or you straight up know you have anger problems.

Being an angry person is scary, and it really doesn't matter whether you're male or female in this situation. After all, if people notice that you're ready to lash out and scream at someone, they know it's likely that you'll eventually turn that anger towards them.

Most people who get arrested for domestic violence have a track history of anger problems. You can't blame them for wanting to back away from you if you're literally radiating anger, hatred, and loathing.

The best advice that you can take is to get help for your anger issues, and maybe take up a yoga class. You can't attract people if you're seethingly angry at your lot in life.

Hygiene is not something you understand.

Bad body odor, hoarding animals, and other similarly gross habits will scare away any sane person. Even if you have a heart of gold, you will not be able to charm people to the point that they can overlook a row of black teeth or clothes stained in urine.

Thankfully, this dating problem is really easy to fix. Groom yourself. Use some soap, and put on deodorant. It's really not that hard, and you might end up loving bath time a bit more than you thought you could.

You hate the gender that you're trying to attract.

Regular rejection can mess up your mind quite a bit - it's even been scientifically proven to cause longterm emotional problems in both adults and children. Naturally, if you've only ever faced rejection and hurt, it's likely that you may eventually begin to resent or hate the gender that hurt you that way.

This isn't a fair solution, nor is it an easy one, but the only solution that results in you dating the gender you're interested in will involve years of therapy and self-reflection. People are people, regardless of what equipment they were born with.

Just like you, they have feelings and preferences. As much as it hurts, they have the right to say no - just as you have the right to reject them.

Rejection happens to everyone, and when it comes to dating, it's really nothing personal. Sometimes, people just don't want to try, even if they'd be good together in theory. You can't make them do things they don't want to do.

In other words, it may be time to get help.

You drink heavily or use drugs on the first date.

Even among people who are hard drinkers or drug users, this is a major red flag. Yes, partying is fun, but you don't want to present yourself as a drug addict or an alcoholic. Those kinds of labels come with really ugly connotations, and may suggest that you have deeper issues than what most people are willing to deal with.

A simple fix would be to stick to a single beer for the first date or two - and maybe consider quitting substance abuse while you look for love.

You've tried to guilt or shame a person into dating you.

Have you refused to take no for an answer, or tried to tell people it's "wrong" for them to refuse your advances? If so, then that's the reason why you're single. If you don't care about the person's boundaries or feelings, then you're not going to be a good partner to anyone.

Moreover, guilt and shame are not tactics that make for a happy, stable relationship - no matter what you do. Trying to wheedle your way into a person's life is disrespectful and just cringe-worthy.

Stop trying to use this ploy, if only because it means that you're basically saying that you can't get laid without pity being involved. If they aren't interested, stop forcing the subject and start looking for someone who would want to date you instead.

You try to buy love.

Money, unfortunately, can't buy love or loyalty from another person. It can buy very reasonable facsimiles of these things, but you can't get someone to fall for you using presents. In fact, trying to bribe your way into a person's heart often has the opposite effect than what's intended.

People tend to get suspicious if they notice that a person is offering them gifts that are way above the norm. They may begin to wonder, "What's up with this guy? What's wrong with him that he can't get a girlfriend without spending thousands on her?"

You immediately bombard potential dates with texting on a near-constant basis, and move full speed ahead into a relationship.

Sure, enthusiasm is fun and everything, but there's a certain point where, enthusiasm stops being attractive and starts being a warning sign. Nobody wants to feel rushed into a relationship.

Much like with other habits on this list, getting into a relationship extremely quickly tends to be seen as a sign that something is wrong with you. This is doubly true if you are putting that person on a pedestal or telling people that you absolutely adore them.

In fact, "lovebombing," as it's called, is a very common tactic among cult leaders and abusers because it tends to get people compliant with abuse. People who recognize that level of enthusiasm as dangerous will back away immediately, meaning that you may have scared away a decent person.

You've got a reputation as a crazy ex, and if you were honest, you may have earned it.

Reputations still matter in many small towns, especially if the pool of singles in your area is shrinking. If you have a bad reputation for being controlling, threatening to harm yourself, or actually going so far as to attempt to hurt people who rejected you or broke up with you, it will scare away potential dates.

Love definitely can make people act crazy, but if you did behave that badly, you sadly have earned the bad reputation you have. If you did some psycho stuff, you need to take a step back and re-evaluate yourself.

Something is seriously wrong, and you have to make a point to right it before you can be with someone.

Even platonic people avoid you.

Sometimes, people can be so unpleasant in their mannerisms that they end up having people avoid them because of how bad they act towards others. If you regularly can't get people to hang out with you, talk to you, or be your friend for long periods of time, then this could be a sign that it's your personality keeping you alone.

Friends are social capital. They show that you're not the kind of person who will ditch everyone for your boyfriend, and they show that you are probably somewhat likable.

Social skills coaching is a thing, and this can help you improve you ability to mesh with people. However, you may need to have someone be frank with you about what's keeping you alone.

You feel like you need to control everything around you, and because of that, get irrationally jealous if you think your date has a life outside of you.

That need for control can definitely be addictive. After all, who wouldn't wan to be able to know that everything they do is going to go according to plan? Unfortunately, neither people nor the situations that make our life can be fully under control.

Accidents happen. Rejections and hurt happen.

Making mean digs to try to lower your date's confidence, micromanaging what they wear, and other similar gestures will not work in the long term. Sometimes, in order to have a happy relationship, you have to give up the reigns and let the chips fall.

Control is hard to give up, and if you have a need for control that strong, it's often an indicator that you have issues you may need to work through. You might want to look into therapy.

Your dates often look to the door, or make excuses to leave after 45 minutes.

If you notice a lot of your dates looking away from you, trying to speed things up to a close, or just bailing mid-date, this is a sign that you're doing something very wrong. Body language that seems cold, closed off, or otherwise tense is a clear indicator that they're nervous around you.

When you regularly have a string of dates that are cut short for no apparent reason, you have to wonder if it's something that you're ignoring.

Assuming that your date is a good sport and you can take brutal honesty, you might want to ask them if you did something that offended you. Or, if you have a friend, you may want to ask them for advice. You might not be aware of what you're doing around you.

You're overtly sexual and waste no time to start talking about sex.

Neither men nor women are typically comfortable talking sex right off the bat, and the vast majority of people won't have sex with someone who they just met. Sex is something that should be slowly initiated, and something that needs to be off the table on the first date.

If you regularly try to "trick" people into sleeping with you, try to pressure them into physical intimacy, or send X-rated photos without any request to do so, then this is the reason why you're still single.

Take it slow, and you might actually get somewhere.

You regularly make a point to show that you have fine taste and won't accept anyone but the best.

At first, this can look like a good thing - especially if you want people to know that you have dating standards you expect to have met. There is something nice about feeling like someone who has high standards has "chosen" you.

But, there's a limit to this.

After a certain point of prattling on about all the Playmates and models interested in you, and after a certain point of ordering the third glass of Dom Perignon, people are going to see this for what it is: an indicator that you're either really shallow or really insecure.

Either sign tends to indicate that you're not going to be a good partner, which in turn means that they'll get scared off and back away from you.

You're not over your ex.

Even if you think you can pose as "over it," people can tell when you're really not over an ex. It's most often because your ex will keep coming up in conversation, or when they find out that you only dated them because they look like your ex.

With that being said, it's okay to take a break to put yourself together.


Ossiana Tepfenhart

Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer based out of New Jersey. This is her work account. She loves gifts and tips, so if you like something, tip her!

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