Should Married Couples Spend All of their Free Time Together or Apart?

Dear Lex,

Do you think married couples should spend all of their free time together or separately a lot?

Sincerely,

Anonymous

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Dear Anonymous,

However much time you should or should not spend with your partner is completely up to you. I believe that whenever you find someone that you are meant to be with, the two of you should be able to build a bond without getting completely tangled into eachother. Couples should do their own things and still be their own person. Through experience, I have learned that you cannot give every single part of yourself to your partner. You have to save some of you for yourself. You have to be able to do things on your own and while alone.

After being in a relationship for years, I had realized that I forgot how to go places by myself. I forgot what I liked to do or where I liked to go. Sometimes we get sooooo wrapped up in our partner that we completely forget about ourselves.

Don't get me wrong, I do think that the bond between two people who love eachother is beautiful but I also think there is a very thin line between what is healthy and toxic. If you find yourself with free time and you have something that you really want to do... do it! There were so many times I missed out on fun experiences because I had a partner that didn't enjoy the same activities that I did. I sit here now and although I never regret the choices that I make, it does make me a little sad. It only makes me sad because I realize that I can't go back and I missed out on fun times, with fun people.

Now if you are the partner that wants to spend all of your free time with your partner, nothing is wrong with that; BUT if your partner is trying to let you know, directly or indirectly, that they want to spend some of their free time alone, please do not take offense to it. The things that we do for our own happiness should not be taken offensively. It is easy for someone to feel smothered whenever the transition of marriage happens. Just like, it is also easy to feel like your partner is lacking whenever they want to do things on their own and by theirselves. A simple change of perspective can knock all of those feelings away.

Look at it like this, if your partner wants to spend all of their free time with you, itis because they love you and enjoy your company. That is a good thing! If you find that your partner is wanting some space to do things alone or with other people, do not take it as they do not enjoy your company. Remember that before you came into the picture, they were their own person and they just don't want to lose touch of that now.

If how you are choosing to spend your free time has become a problem of some sort, th only thing that you can do is communicate with your partner. Make sure that you are not only saying how you feel AND why but allowing your partner to do the same. Do your best to understand both sides regardless of how you feel. Relationships are all about compromise and sacrifice. being able to be your own person, while still letting your partner completely into your space, is all about balance. It is not as hard as some people make it. You just have to be willing to have that conversation!

You can do it!

As always, thank you guys for reading and all tips are greatly appreciated! All tarot reading requests can be sent to my email [email protected]. To submit a question/info to the advice column section, you can send it through my ask.fm/influencedbylex to be anonymous or to my email for regular submissions.