Would if Bother You if Your Partner was Hanging out with Someone who used to be In Love with Them?

Dear Lex,

Would it bother u if ur straight partner was always hanging out with someone that they said was gay and in love with them years ago but now says they are not gay?

Sincerely,

Anonymous

__________________

Dear Anonymous,

The question is not, would it bother me. The question is, does it bother you? The problem is that we often get this idea in our heads that if someone else would trip out, that validates our own tripping out; but the truth is that if it bothers you, then it bothers you. There is no other way around it. Your feelings are valid because you feel them; it does not matter why you feel them.

Just to answer your question though, maybe and then again maybe not. I also do not believe that this problem has anything to do with sexuality; I think that it has everything to do with trust. You have to ask yourself, do you trust your partner?

A big part of me and all of my relationships, including those that are platonic, are built on trust. If I truly trust you, it really does not matter what you do, because I trust you. However, if I do not trust you, then yes, it probably would bother me. My significant others are allowed to have friends of the opposite sex, be friends with their ex's and stay out however long they want. I am able to tolerate that because I do not date people that I do not trust. Once we reach a point to where the things you do that you enjoy, are bothering me... there needs to be a conversation.

Now, while saying that, I will also say... trust your gut. your gut has nothing to do with trust. I look at my gut like the only snitch that I am friends with; because even whenever you truly love and trust someone, at any moment, it is possible that they can hurt you and betray the trust that has built. Your gut knows whenever those moments happen. if you are sitting at home, with a feeling int he pit of your stomach, I would recommend saying something about it. Maybe, even hang out with the two of them to just pick up ont he vibe between then.

If you think it is petty to try and crash their bud time, then the only thing that you can truly do is get over it until evidence pops up that something more happens or talk to them about it. Letting something run through your mind over and over that you really have no control over, is a waste of your time. Control what you can and pray about the rest. if it reaches a point where you just cannot take the idea of what may be happening behind closed doors then that tells you that their is a huge lack of trust in your relationship.

That is an entirely different problem in your relationship, if the trust is lacking. This means that even if it weren't the this guy in the picture, there may be something else along the lines of trust that could become a problem. Without trust, many things that actually are not problems, can become one. If you haven't already, sit him down and talk to him about not only how you are feeling, but why.

Goodluck!

As always, thank you guys for reading and all tips are greatly appreciated! All tarot reading requests can be sent to my email [email protected]. To submit a question/info to the advice column section, you can send it through my ask.fm/influencedbylex to be anonymous or to my email for regular submissions.