Shards Of Being: Ch. 6

The world felt different when you were grieving. People, things, places, and everything in between felt heavier, sharper, more painful. I thought I was ready to be around Marina after what happened in Houston. Turns out it was one of the many lies I was telling myself daily to keep myself from falling apart.

Unfortunately for me, she'd been taking her best friend duties seriously and had done her best to make sure I wasn't drowning in a pool of guilt up until now. Things were easier for people who could let things go so effortlessly. I envied her for it. I carried too much of everything in my heart, in my mind, in my bones. Would it still be considered brave to be standing in the middle of a hurricane, when all you wanted was to be washed away?

Marina and I weren't blood related and yet I still considered her more than just my best friend, and more like a sister. She had a home and a family that adored her. I never knew mine. And yet the moment we met, we knew we had to be friends. There was never any other option.

Today, I was definitely questioning that. Especially when she had decided to bring her cousin, Nico Alvarez along with her. He'd been Dave's best friend up until a year ago. I never knew why they cut ties with one another. All I knew was Nico wore his hatred for me like a second skin and although they were no longer friends, there was no doubt in my mind he blamed me for Dave's death.

It made me question why he had agreed to come with her to begin with. However, I held no energy to put more thought into it as soon as I saw his disdain for me when I met them at the airport yesterday. It was clear Nico Alvarez still held contempt towards me.

Nevertheless, going to The Poconos was a no-brainer when it came down to where to go for spring break while being on a budget. I had spent most of my money buying Christmas gifts and now holding on to the remaining scraps I had for this trip. Which meant I had to pick up some extra shifts at Robin's Bakery when I got back to the city.

I would’ve been more than happy to be working during spring break, but with Marina's insufferable persistence in getting me out of my house, I had no choice. She was always showing up when I needed her. The least I could do was pretend I was okay long enough to get through this trip.

A week in The Poconos was going to feel like a year in jail. I hated the woods and bugs and anything that involved being outside. I was a hardcore introvert and Marina knew that. She on the other hand, loved being in nature. Being from the south where the bug life and outdoor life was the norm there, this was nothing new to her.

I left her to check us in at the hotel lobby of The Grand Summit Lodge while I went out to see just what kind of Hell I was in for this week. The amenities included horseback riding, golf, arcades, an indoor water park, and even a casino. Not to mention all the outdoor activities Marina would no doubt drag me to, such as zip-lining and fishing. I wasn’t a drinker, but I felt like this was the kind of trip that would definitely turn me into one.

“The view isn’t too bad,” I turned around, matching the voice to Nico. I had no idea why Marina thought it was a good idea to bring him along with us. But here he was, standing proudly at just six feet, his shaggy-wavy hair tousled by the spring breeze just above his ears, his piercing brown gaze not looking at the scenery around us at all. Only at me.

The sadness I’d been trying to suppress ever since Marina came into town was slowly resurfacing and it didn’t help that being around Nico only made me think of Dave even more. They’d been thick as thieves growing up according to Marina. Any bad influence Dave had gotten, he’d pulled it from Nico. Or so Marina claimed. In other words, wherever Nico went, trouble always found him.

So, why did she bring him along?

“Why are you here, Nico?” I should’ve asked the question when Marina told me he was coming over the phone. She’d been evasive about the topic, so I dropped it and decided to bring it up on the bus ride here. But she’d fallen asleep, so I’d missed my chance.

“I’m here to look out for my cousin. People seem to drop like flies around you,” he answered bluntly, stepping closer to me as his warm honey brown eyes skimmed over my face. I swallowed hard, not knowing exactly what to say. I wasn’t sure what Dave had told him before he died. But it sounded like he had mentioned my past to him and Nico was using it against me, forcing me to relive even more of the memories I had buried before I even met Dave.

I had too many doors full of caskets with secrets locked inside. It seemed like Nico was on the hunt for more dirt to throw at me. I didn't blame him. I'd want justice too. I still had no idea how Brian found out where I had been or Dave for that matter. All I knew was that Brian turned himself in and he was now facing life in prison. A crime of passion, they called it.

My lungs began to constrict inside my chest as the memory of Brian lunging after me replayed in my mind again. My heart was next in the trainwreck, exploding with pings of inconsolable misery. I needed air and deserved none of it without Dave here with me.

“I'm...I'm so...sorry...,” I reminded him and he simply stared at me, as he took my face in his hands and made me look at him. The shock in his gaze was the first thing that caught my attention. I focused on it as I struggled to regain my composure.

“Take a breath, slowly...in and out…” he suggested, and I took a breath before I started to feel the tension ease from my body, “...There we go. You’ll be alright.” His words were the farthest thing from the truth. I was never going to be alright. I didn't deserve to be. Not when his best friend, and my everything was shot to death because of me.

“Nico, I’m--”

“There you two are! We’re all checked in. Lets go unpack and head down to the indoor water park,” Marina interrupted us from a few yards away. Nico quickly released me and placed his hands in his pockets before I watched him away. His coldness had definitely returned and in full effect.

Still, I caught a glimpse of actual concern for me in his eyes today. Maybe there was more to Nico than the bad reputation he wore so proudly.

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I never learned how to swim. Unfortunately for me, I was stuck sulking by the sidelines, while Marina and Nico enjoyed the likes of the indoor water park. I also had no desire to wet my hair. It required too much maintenance and I didn’t bring enough hair products to tame it for the next seven days.

As I finished the last chapter of my most recently purchased romance novel, I heard my phone vibrate underneath a towel and I picked it up. It was a text from Joseph, letting me know he was heading to The Poconos with his friends and he’d love for us to hang out and catch up.

I bit my lip, contemplating if this was a good idea or not. Joseph was a fun distraction. I felt...good around him. A little too good. I didn’t want him to become my next addiction. He deserved better than that.

It might be best to keep my distance considering the chaos that had consumed my life since Houston. With Brian’s trial and me preparing to testify in court, no doubt having to relive that terrible night over and over again until this was over and done with, I was bound to lose my shit. And not in a good way. I didn't spiral like normal people. I didn't turn to alcohol to take the pain away. I used the power of sleep and the company of my novels to take me into different worlds and force me to experience any fantasy that wasn't my own. The one I wanted could never be fulfilled.

I sent Joseph a text, letting him know I might be busy falling off horses since I didn’t know how to ride one, and Marina had made it her mission to turn me into a professional rider by the time spring break was over. He sent me a winky face emoji, and proceeded to encourage me to become the best rider I could be.

I covered my mouth as I laughed and shook my head. The man had no flirtatious limits. I appreciated that.

“Mind handing me a towel?” Nico asked, dripping water all over my legs as I glared at him. I quickly handed him the towel and sighed in annoyance as he sat next to me by the lounge chairs. I looked around wondering where the hell Marina had disappeared to.

“She met a guy,” Nico said as he read my mind, a crooked grin flashing in my direction as he pointed to my best friend, who was indeed in the company of a nice young man. He was apparently making her blush as he whispered into her ear by the edge of the pool. So, maybe not so nice, but a little bit dirty. He looked fit, his caramel skin tone and dimples would no doubt cause my best friend to catch a fever.

“Great. Now I’m stuck with you,” I mumbled as I pulled at my book and pried it open again.

“You could actually try to have fun, like the rest of us,” he reaffirmed and I did my best to ignore him. My book was getting to the good part…

“Hey!” I yelled in protest, as he snatched the book out of my hands and hid it underneath his now damp towel, “You owe me a brand new book.”

“Get in the pool, Sophia,” Nico ordered, aiming his tattooed arm towards the pool full of spring breakers.

“I can’t swim and I didn’t bring my bathing suit,” I replied innocently, hoping he would take a hint as I tried to reach for my book underneath his towel.

“Dave would want you to have fun.” Hearing his name felt like an ice pick piercing straight into my chest and I felt the anger rise slowly within me instantly. How dare he use his memory to manipulate me? Couldn't he see how much I was missing him? How much I wished things had turned out differently?

The angrier I got, the wider Nico's smirk grew. He was doing this on purpose. To hurt me. To make me feel like the dirt I was for what I did. Well screw him!

“Don’t, okay?” I gathered my phone and left my book behind as I stormed off, heading back towards the elevator so I could head up to my hotel room. I pressed the button excessively when I saw Nico heading in this direction. I cursed out loud soon after, when I saw Joseph and his group of friends had arrived at the same hotel we were currently in.

I was going to kill Marina for this.