Shall We Review Our Love Vocabulary?

I need to admit I never really paid attention to our romantic vocabulary so frequently and very similarly described in different contexts:

Fairy tales, love books, poetry, songs, the big screen, television series, radio, and recently YouTube, Facebook, Instagram, etc. Our daily life discussions are no exception.

I am a believer in genuine love — Self, People, and the Universe — as well as in its limitless power to drive a global change.

Thus, I thought of reviewing some romantic expressions I find a bit limiting and aligned with our desperate wish for receiving the attention & care we’re so unable to provide ourselves with.

Let’s be very clear first, shall we? It’s completely legitimate and human to crave sharing love. Otherwise, we would be robots. But, here’s the point: there’s a difference between love and attachment. The pre-requisite for true love is Self-love.

I know many of you must think, “this is so Cliché, goodness 😑. I already love myself; what the heck are you talking about?!” Yes, I feel you! Yes, I’m aware of how unpleasant this could be to reflect on self-love. It is such an uncomfortable topic, I agree!

But, you know what? You’re not alone. We’re all struggling and have always tried to elevate our self-esteem. Our caregivers loved us conditionally.

We’ve all built our shields against our never enough invasive culture. Self-love is hard work and is, to me, one of the most beautiful outcomes of a transformational adventure!

Here are some expressions to help you spot whether you’re attached to your partner and need to start thinking about improving your relationship with yourself, or really in love:

1. ‘Falling’ in love and s/he is completing me!

This expression is probably our dearest expression we use to describe our euphoria when meeting this person who makes us feel so good, joyful, and different as if we were preparing our whole life for this moment of full presence and deep connection.

We feel as if the Universe has conspired to make us experience wholeness & fulfillment. We call this in relationships psychology the “Honeymoon Phase”.

It sounds beautiful, right? I used to feel the same way and fantasize about such a concept as well. But let’s be honest:

Don’t you think it’s our job to make ourselves whole before even thinking about engaging in an intimate relationship?

Don’t you believe deep inside you, that we are not supposed to be a 50% desperately looking for another 50% to complete us? Don’t you feel that this is what our lack of self-love and our inability to feel our intrinsic worth is making us believe?

I do, and love to think we are growing, challenging ourselves daily, and becoming better human beings with an emotionally self-resilient and loving partner!

2. I am losing my mind and don’t even know why I love her/him!

Well, this might seem very romantic and flattering! We may say it to our partners— even when we don’t feel it— for the sake of making them feel good about themselves. We legitimize lying in the name of love.

I’d argue this could be a healthy sign. I like to believe it should be pleasant and pressure-free to love a person genuinely.

Appealingly, for it to be love and not attachment, you need to know why you want this particular person to be a life partner!

3. S/he is the only bright moment of my day!

As lovely as this expression might sound, it is also a red flag and telling a lot about how much your subconscious program is unfriendly. When you live in phase-shift with your deep wishes, it makes sense to find your time spent with your partner the best part of your day!

But here is the deal: your partner is not the cure. Your partner is not supposed to fix you. Your partner is not responsible for entertaining you and making you forget, or at least numb, all the crap you’re experiencing. It’s your job to make the best of your day!

You need to value and appreciate your me-time as much as your time with your partner. It is possible when you become self-aware and start healing your deepest emotional scars.

You built an insecure attachment style during your childhood, but it is not your fault. Your caregivers were not consistent in their love. The good news is that it is always reversible.

Taking our responsibility to change what we were not responsible for creating in the first place — our subconscious program — is probably the highest level of strength and wisdom.

4. I’m so scared of losing him/her

Well, I like to believe love and fear are the worst enemies and unable to coexist in the same place. In my humble opinion, such a statement is saying more about your insecurities than your love for the partner — which is an attachment in this case as well.

Plus, when a person is willing to quit the table and that you’re trying to keep them, you are more likely to get hurt, disappointed, and even betrayed because of the partner’s frustration created from feeling a prisoner in the relationship. You are not doing yourself any favor!

5. I’m so jealous!

You probably think this is one of the beautiful proofs of love. You even tend to speak about it proudly, privately and publicly. I understand.

It is what society taught you. It is one of the illusions formed in your subconscious program, which was created by somebody else: your caregivers.

I like to think that, in the quality of an emotionally healthy and accomplished person, you would rather be happy for seeing your partner under the lights, appreciated and desired by other people.

Still, they have chosen to be with you and volunteer their heart, soul, mind, time, and energy in the relationship.

At the end of the day, that’s what we are: volunteers in love!