Separating Gender Identity from Sexuality

Often when I see something posted online related to the transgender community, I see a lot of comments from people referring to sexuality instead. Many people seem to be under the mistaken assumption that there’s a relationship between being transgender, or genderqueer, and someone’s sexuality or sexual preferences. This causes confusion between what sexuality and gender identity are.

What is sexuality?

Sexuality refers to who you are sexually attracted to. More crudely, it means who you want to have sex with. If you’re heterosexual, it means you’re sexually attracted to people whose gender differs from your own. If you’re homosexual, it means you’re attracted to people whose gender is the same as your own.

Beyond that, it gets a little more complicated when we discuss bisexual, pansexual, and asexual people. Regardless, sexuality is all about who you want—or don’t want—to have sex with.

What is gender identity?

Gender identity refers to how you identify as a person. It has nothing to do with who you want to have sex with, so let’s set that aside. If your identity aligns with your biological sex, then you are cisgender. Being called cisgender is not a slur. It’s just a way to differentiate from other gender identities. Most people are cisgender.

To clarify, if you were assigned male at birth, with the XY chromosome, a penis, and testicles, and you identify as male, then you are a cisgender man. The same is true for cisgender women who are born with an XX chromosome, a vagina, uterus, and ovaries.

If your identity does not align with your biological sex, then you are transgender. This means that you are assigned male at birth, but you identify as female, or you are assigned female at birth but identify as male.

With gender identity, there are also complicating factors such as being born intersex, where your biological sex is not clearly defined because either your chromosome, your body, or both don’t conform to societal expectations of sex. There are also people who identify as non-binary, genderfluid, genderqueer, or agender. I won’t go into detail on those identities in this article.

Does gender identity affect sexuality?

As I stated earlier, gender identity has nothing to do with a person’s sexuality, although it can affect the label we use. I will use myself as an example. I was assigned female at birth, but I identify as male. This makes me a transgender man. For decades, I lived as a woman because I didn’t think I had any other choice. When it comes to my sexuality, I am only attracted to men. For years, people saw me as a woman who dated men and married a man. So, people viewed me as heterosexual, or in the more common vernacular, straight.

Now that I have transitioned, people view me as a man. I look and sound masculine. My voice has deepened, and I now wear a closely trimmed beard. That will not change the fact that I am only attracted to men. Society will view me as homosexual or gay. The only thing that changes is the label, because of the gender people will see me as.

Personally, for my sexuality, I prefer using the term androsexual, which means an exclusive sexual attraction to men. It’s a term that accurately reflects my sexuality and does not change regardless of my gender identity or presentation.

Should we discuss sexuality alongside gender identity?

Yes and no. It really depends on the context of the conversation. If the entire focus is on gender identity and the transgender community, then I don’t think it’s appropriate to fixate on anyone’s sexuality. Being transgender has nothing to do with what we do, or don’t do, in the bedroom. I hope people will eventually understand that.