Self Worth

Healing begins when I decide to stop having hate in my heart.

I see a reflection of my former self in the mirror. I tell myself who is this person? Lies spew out of my mouth! I know exactly who that is! It’s me today, it’s me yesterday. He is me, and I am him. Who am I really? I think I know. I think I’m a good person. I think I’m loving and caring. I think! I think! I think! When does the thinking stop? I think I know the answer to that too.

Truth is I have no clue. I don’t have, but one answer. I am me! And that’s all I can be is just me. Is that enough? When is enough, enough? Maybe enough is never enough, but maybe, just maybe, it can be today.

WELCOME TO MY MIND!!

Some days are better than others. My life can best be described as a beautiful hurricane. Destruction, Chaos, and Fear destroys everything that comes across its path. A storm so grand it tears at the very foundation of what I call my life. That hurricane looks so intimidating and bad, yet at its very core, there’s peace and tranquility. How is this possible? The forces outside of itself are so strong, that nothing can get near the center. No matter the deepest of despair that my mind has traveled too, a calm garden centered in my heart knew it just had to wait out the storm. My life has been a series of hurricanes, some minuscule and some monstrous. All incredibly hurtful to everyone that came across its path.

Out of danger of that evil hurricane shines the eye of the storm that radiates love, humbleness, and above all, forgiveness. You see, forgiveness isn’t about letting someone free of their fault, or giving myself a “pass” for my actions. Forgiveness is letting go of that hate that I perceived was for everyone else. That hate was directed solely at myself. That hate that told me everyday I was worth nothing. That hate that allowed me to be cold and callous. So much hate filled my heart, so much that I believed it. I was worthless… One hurts as much as he chooses. Let me repeat that, ONE HURTS AS MUCH AS HE CHOOSES. Big statement! Yet so simple. “A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step”.

Today, hate in my heart will begin to dissipate. Why? Because I CHOOSE too. Am I to be a slave to feelings that I CHOOSE to feed. Self Worth comes from a place of complete and total forgiveness. Understanding that God gave us Free Will and a CHOICE to do as we wish with it. What happens when our power becomes too much to handle. I CHOOSE to hand that freedom of Free Will over back to him and let him be my guide. Self Worth is knowing that, ”I AM Worthee!”. As opposed to WORTH-less. I am of strong mind, body, and soul and no one can ever take that from me, unless I CHOOSE to hand that over. I am who I am because of my past. However, I AM NOT my past. I have an infinite amount of SELF WORTH because I know who I am today.

A hurricane at its most destructive point will cause mass amounts of destruction and terror. That destruction and terror sprouts the seed to a new beginning which comes from that calmness, the eye of the storm brings. My life today has been cultivated from that seed of destruction that hurricane left behind. The tree of life lives within me. The roots represent a web of blessings that taught me the meaning of life. The trunk tells my journey of pain and happiness. The branches, long, and strong represent the determination to give back, which was unselfishly given to me when I was in dire need of an olive branch. Finally, the leaves are the rewards of many blessings gifted to me by the lord in the heavens. Those leaves are my meaning for living, my two beautiful children and amazing wife make me whole and filled with joy. SELF-WORTH comes from a higher being who forgives and loves me no matter my faults and downfalls without question. SELF-WORTH is knowing I’m going to be OK. My Self-Will has been reinstated, and I CHOOSE to be HAPPY!