Self Esteem Of A Gay Man

What exactly is self-esteem? Dr's, Psychiatrist, Psychologist, Therapist study this attribute of human's in-depth, presenting different angels about how to treat and even cure self-esteem issues. I think I have encountered them all and tried them all. From my point of view, self-esteem boils down to a straightforward question, "How do I view myself?" That simple may be oversimplified and detangled, but it is that simple.

How did I come to that conclusion, you might ask? I have a Bachelors's Degree in Social Work, years of going to Therapy, read 100's of self-help books, listened to as many speakers as I could, then medicated, both by doctors and self-prescribed (We'll talk more about that later in another article). Yet, I could not find the center of what was my problem. I am big on journaling. That is when I started to notice patterns. I call them the "I'm down on me tantrums."

When I was treating myself poorly and not eating right, my self-esteem issues would arise; however, there were times when these events would happen out of the blue, and they would require more help than just a self-coaching or book and an actual intervention. So, off to the doctor, I must add mental health issues are not a game and should not be toyed with without guidance.

Once I achieved a more balanced mindset, the real work could begin. The biggest question that loomed over me was, "How do I view myself?" I did not ponder this for a long time; thinking It was a quick snap your fingers answer, I began to write. I rattled off what I felt about myself left and right, writing down my ever-growing ego. It took some time for me to see that every single thing I wrote down about myself was a lie.

It took me watching myself and interactions with others to see what I was telling them wasn't how I felt about myself. Next, the real me started to come out when I began to uncover what I thought I deserved. It also came out in how I would receive information from others or retract from arguments. Then, it would come out how I would stand up for myself and if I felt as I was "Right" or "Wrong." I began to note these times and get an overview of my interactions with the world around me. It took a while and a lot of writing, carefully studying how I felt like I looked in every situation.

After a while, I started to see I am nothing like the man I saw in my head. I am a completely different creature than I expected, not perfect, nor a saint but not a devil nor a demon. I am simply a human interacting with the world around me, nothing more, nothing less. It's one thing to see that with your mind's eye, and it is another to know that with your deeper self. Learning these things about ourselves does take time, and sometimes outside help is needed, and that's ok. Sanity is way overrated, and personally, the flawed people are far more fun than the boring so-called sane people.

If you take anything away from this article, I hope it's this, "You are perfect flawed or not, it doesn't matter if your thinking is off today or was off last week. But of course, no one will remember that in 100 years, so why should you try to? Why give a thing more energy than it gave you? You are precious, a gift to the world that the world has never seen before. You are something new. You have never been before and will never be again in this form. Also, there's a beauty to that when you accept it and embrace its fullness. It allows you to truly begin to fill your moments with the things you genuinely love, and that's where you sparkle. So today, begin to find out who you indeed are and embrace your weirdness, fall in love with how strange and odd you are, stand out, make noise, leave an impression be memorable be YOU.