Second Chances

There were 3 of us, girlfriends, best friends like sisters!

I was the oldest. Thinking back it’s hard to even remember how we all met, just know from the time we did we were inseparable!

From catching flights to jumping in fights, from weddings to baby showers, from love to heartbreak, we were there for each other through each and every scene.

We had a blast living life. Never thought life would deal the hand it dealt.

Trisha was the youngest out of the 3 of us, and the wildest! Always down for a good time no matter the cost. And that cost sometimes came in the form of getting arrested.

Our other friend, Africa, and I were at work when we got the call.

Trisha was locked up in our local jail. She was supposed to have been in class, what was she doing in jail?! With her, there really was no telling!

Big sisters to the rescue! Me and Africa laughed as we came up with scenarios as to what could have happened that landed our little sister in jail.

Had she flattened her boyfriends tires again, had she busted the window out of some girls car, and the list goes on!

We got there to find they didn't even have her behind bars.

The arresting officer laughed as he told us how he had to respect this girl.

She had gone over to her boyfriend's house and found another woman there. The boyfriend pulled out his gun and threatened Trisha if she didn't leave. Trisha snatched the gun from him and pistol whipped the guy… with his own gun!

We stood there mouths open in disbelief as the officer patted her on the back and gave her his nod of approval.

But that's how life went for Trisha, she always came out on top.

Like when she landed herself a millionaire.

Come on now, even the most accomplished woman wouldn’t mind a millionaire man! If for nothing more than he wouldn’t be in her pockets every week for money!

She was at the gas station just minding her business, he walked up to her and asked her out. Said she reminded him of his ex wife, who had recently passed right after childbirth.

***And let me tell you, if I believed in reincarnation and if this woman had passed before my friend was born…it was freaky how much they favored one another!

Now to know my friend was to know she went for a certain type of man, the corporate suit and tie, clean cut face, low hair cut. And this man was anything but that!

He was a really nice guy. But we honestly didn’t think it would play out.

So at her bbq a few months later, when she told me they were going to get married, of course I was surprised! I asked her did she love him?

She looked up from the grill, smiled and asked me, "Whats love got to do with it? He wants me because I remind him of his dead wife, and he needs a mother for his kids and I want him so I can live the kind of life I want."

She said “We both love those babies, you know I always wanted kids, we care about each other and we both feel like that’s enough”.

There was nothing more for me to say.

But would it be enough?

They married and the years went by. I cannot say they weren't happy because in their own way they both got what they were looking for.

One night over Mexican, Trisha told us she was pregnant. She was smiling and radiant, she had grown so very fond of her step kids, and now she was having one of her own, she was so very happy.

You would have thought things were good in that big house on the hill. But looks can be deceiving!

One day, I was blindsided, got a call from one of our mutual friends. She told me Trisha had just called her and asked would she sleep with her husband!

What!?

I called Trisha and asked her what in the world was going on? She told me how she was no longer interested in having sex with her husband.

She was into women now and would rather have someone that she knew sleeping with him so that she wouldn't have to.

My mind drew a blank…

I asked her to meet me and Africa for lunch the next day. I had to look her in the face and see what was going on with her.

She showed up with that ever present smile, hugged us both and proceeded to let us know in no uncertain terms that she was done with men. She had been hanging out with some new friends! A group of women she had met.

I knew of these women she was talking about.

Now don’t get me wrong, it’s whatever floats your boat and I respect peoples choices!

But I'd heard these women were also heavy into drugs. I'm talking that nose powder, pipe and syringe action. I begged her please not to go this route. I asked her , “ What about your kids??”

Africa pleaded with her to stop hanging with those women, we knew this was bad news.

She smiled that ever constant smile told us the kids were and would be fine she wasn’t leaving them.

But she needed a change in pace! And we didn't know what were talking about when it came to her new friends, that they were actually pretty cool.

So she could prove it to us, she invited us to hang out with them the following weekend.

Africa’s job had her relocating to another state, so she turned down the offer as she was going to be flying out that weekend.

Trisha looked at me. I hesitated as she begged me to come meet her new friends and give them a chance.

Trisha always got what she wanted out of me, so I agreed.

The next weekend I met them at this spot on the south side of downtown. The night was cool and I had a pretty nice time. Music was good drinks were flowing.

I got up to find the bathroom, got in there and one of the young ladies that was with Trisha was there. She was washing her hands, I politely smiled and said hey. She smiled, spoke back and left.

When I made it back to our section Trisha approached me with this lopsided grin and eyes so low you would’ve thought she was sleepwalking. She says, “So, I have something to tell you….”

She is drunk and high and as she tries to sit on the over stuffed bench she misses the top of it and ends up sliding down the front of it and onto the floor.

Laughing at herself she looks up at me, “You see the cute girl in the white cropped shirt?…”

I look in the direction she is pointing and see the young lady that had been in the bathroom.

“….well she thinks you are fiiiiiiiine and she wants to hook up, she fine too….I think you should go for it *little giggle* I told her I would come feel you out for her. And between me and you *sloppy half whisper* she extra freaky”.

I looked down at my friend and knew in the state she was in, there would be no reasoning. I helped her get up on the bench. I gathered my phone and put my wristlet on.

“I’m going to go, I’ll talk to you later”, I waved over the young lady who she had introduced as her girlfriend.

“You got her right? Or do I need to take her with me? I’m leaving.”

In her heavy African accent she replied, “Yeah sure, I have her. It ‘twas nice to have met you. Please be safe” she smiled and sat down next to Trisha, who had leaned her head back against the wall eyes closed.

I left. I called Africa and told her I felt violated, not that someone had done anything to me, but why, if Trisha knew I don’t swing that way, would she even entertain that girl asking to hook up with me? I felt like she should have shown me some respect and told the girl where I stood.

Africa gave her the excuse that she was high and drunk. I didn’t care, I knew at that point we would not be hanging out as much.

I called her a few days later. She didn’t even recall what happened but she apologized. I told her I loved her but no more group hanging out, if she wanted to get together it would just be us.

I really feared that she was headed for a world of trouble.

I was right.

I didn't talk with Trisha as much or see her often after that night at the club downtown, so when she called and asked me did I want to catch a flight down to Jacksonville Florida, for Super Bowl Weekend, just the two of us, I agreed.

It was like old times! We partied and partied and partied some more. Oh we had laughs and good times like you wouldn’t believe!

She even hooked up with one of her ex boyfriends while we were there. Was the thing with the women over? Had it been just an “experiment”?

We got back home and kept in touch. I didn't ask about her marriage and she didn't offer. I assumed things were back on track.

How wrong I was.

So late one night I get a call from Trisha's husband, he was cussing and threatening to call the police and have me arrested for dealing drugs.

He accused me of selling his wife that “Shit she put up her nose” and hung the phone up in my face.

What the fucx had just happened?!

I had always made an honest living, nope I wasn’t an angel by noooo means but I had never touched the white stuff, let alone sold it!

I had a small son and was worried about what her husband was up to. He had a lot of pull with the police in our area and I didn't need any drama.

I calmed down and waited for Trisha’s call.

We had been through this before….they would argue and fall out, one of them would call me to prove some point to the other, but in the end it always worked out.

She never called.

So about mid day the next day I text her. No answer. I called her cell phone and left messages. No response.

So I called the house phone. Her husband picked up. When he heard it was me, he apologized for the way he had called me and the way he had spoken to me.

We spoke for almost 2 hours.

I found out so many ugly things about my friend, particularly the untrue and ugly things she had been saying and putting on me, behind my back.

She was using me as her scapegoat, and the most hurtful thing was she had actually told him I was the one who had introduced her to the powder, she told him I was her pusher and that my job was a front for what I really did.

He said after he calmed down and really thought things through he realized this could not be true.

He explained he had been upset because he’d found her passed out in their driveway, truck still running and he’d found residue of the powder on the trucks console.

He had drug her to the bathroom threw her in the shower and ran cold water over her until she told him everything, and my name was in the center of it all.

Why, why would she say those ugly things? I loved her like a little sister. We had been through so so much, I could fill countless pages with our memories!

The things I had done for this girl, because I loved her!

To know me is to know I love hard whether it’s my man, my friends or family. I am loyal to a fault. It takes a lot to push me across that line, but once I cross it…..

(It’s the Cancer ♋️ in me what can I say)

I was hurt. So I hurt her back.

I cut off all ties with her. I would not accept her calls or her apologies.

I would see her out and act as if she was shit on the bottom of my shoe, unwanted and disgusting.

Even after her husband called and pleaded her case, he told me she had been strung out and it was the drugs that was making her say those things.

I would not give in. He told me she was in rehab and they had done an intervention, I would not give in.

I remember the last time I spoke to her. It had been about 2 yrs since the shit hit the fan. And she had reached out numerous times before.

The phone rang really early one morning, I heard this small voice on the other end, asking me to come help her. She said she was at some man’s house and the man’s wife had come home she needed me to come get her. She told me she didn’t know the man was married and she and the woman had been fighting. The police had been called.

All I could think was “she back on that shit”…

I looked at the phone, frowned, and asked her did she know who she had called? She said yes. I told her she needed more help than I was willing to give and hung up.

Almost 10 yrs went by after that phone call and I never heard from her again.

Sure I would hear what the streets had to say and it was bad. She had left her husband and kids, she was strung out so awful people said I wouldn’t even know who she was if I passed her on the street.

I always thought Facebook was a great tool to use, to get back in touch with long lost classmates or family, even your ex’s if that’s what you wanted.

But this time it was used to tell me my friend was dead.

That was how I found out.

Through a post from her cousin. My heart skipped a beat when I read it.

And I did not realize how much she still meant to me even though I had blocked her from me. I was home alone when I read that post.

I didn’t call anyone, I didn’t try to find out what had happened. I knew it was the drugs. And as I lay on my sofa crying my eyes out into my pillow I felt sorry, not sorrow, but sorry like I had never felt before.

I went to her funeral. The streets were right, I didn't even recognize her laying there.

Spoke to her husband, he told me “Now she is at peace” he told me “her soul had been tormented and tossed about for many yrs regarding the drugs.”

He said, “He had constantly worried about her even when she left him and the kids, but now her soul was resting and he could too”.

He told me, “I see it on you, but trust me there was nothing that could have been done differently that would have saved her. She was her own person, head strong and stubborn.”

We hugged one another I said goodbyes to the kids and I left.

What if I had just went to help her?

What if I had not cut her off?

What if I had not been so cold?

Would I have been able to help her off the drugs?

Would I have been able to help her find a different path?

Could I have given her a better example to follow?

I do not know.

Now I will never know.

I know this, second chances are called that for a reason. Pause for a "second" and think before you say no. Pause for a "second" and think before you turn someone away.

Trisha was like the little sister I didn't have. And now I don't have her anymore.