Roller Coaster Life

Do you ever feel like your life is a roller coaster, I’m here to tell ya it is. Now I am not an expert I just have experienced it and still am experience it. What I define a roller coaster life for me is when you climb up to the top of the first drop that is something that you are working on and then when you drop is when life is going great. You will have several big climbs, because I consider the big climb is a new chapter in your life and you are having to figure and work things out. It has been going on since you were born and to whatever you are going through now. When you go to the Theme Park you want to ride the roller coaster over and over, but in life you end up wishing you won’t have to go through the roller coaster again. I will tell ya though when you keep going on the roller coaster it makes you stronger. I hope you don’t think that life is easy because the Man upstairs gives us obstacles to learn and to have more faith in Him and yourself. Believe me I have had several roller coasters and some I never knew if I was going to get over the very first climb, but I always did. It isn’t easy by no means, it is hard, but you need to keep fighting through it because if you don’t your ride will never end. I believe everyone can make it because once you do it makes the next climb much, much easier for you to climb over.

At the beginning of my marriage, it was tough. It wasn’t that I had this whole idea of marriage, it was more learning how to live you significant other. Such as learning how to share money, share space, and be able to have each other every day. Now for us yes it was tough we built a little tiny home and it was rough because to me it didn’t feel like a home and I was ready to have babies but I knew we needed to have a home in order to do that. When some get married you think that it is going to be easy, that you have been together for a while and your relationship before was awesome, and that you are the best couple ever. Well I am here to tell you that is not how it goes. If you go into your marriage with high expectations well, you are going to be disappointed when something doesn’t go the way you thought it would and it will be very tough to get over that big climb for this new chapter. Why am I saying that well because marriage is not these romantic comedies, we have watched most of our lives. Movies are peoples dreams and fantasies, Hollywood has made this view of marriage or relationships as easy, perfect dream. But I hate to say have you seen the divorce rate in Hollywood, they are living a lie, they are living their characters they play. Marriage does NOT go that way, if it does, wow you are the first or you are in denial and you have big problems in your marriage. I may be wrong on that, but every marriage I know of they fight, they don’t always agree on things, and they sometimes have other problems. But what is different about that is they communicate and fix it. Again, I am no expert, I am married, and this is how my marriage has worked.

Before we got together, we both were in a relationship that wasn't healthy for either of us, I had an emotionally abusive relationship and he had an unfaithful relationship. That really took a toll on us both and when it came time for us to move forward, someone from above brought us together and some would say that was the end. But nope our story is continuing. We had to break some strong walls down to really start our roller coaster, our new chapter. It was hard for us, but we knew we needed to work at it, and we felt each other working at it. Then once those walls broke, we start to go over the top and our feelings just poured and then we were at peace with our past. We came to the thrilling part of the roller coaster, that started our fun time together, but of course you have little humps on the way. It is usually an easy and fast hill you get through, then the fun starts again. It wasn’t an easy ride because we had a lot of hurt that happened to each of us and still were scared the other was going to do something. When we realized that wasn’t going to happen our next chapter came. We got married and truthfully this was easy for us because we talked about a lot of our feelings and we knew what to expect from each other. That roller coaster was actually a bit of a faster ride because we got our house and we decided it was time to try for kids.

Well that climb was a very emotional one because not to long after we got our house, I was pregnant, but I didn't know I thought I was just sick with a bug or something. At that time, I just quit a horrible job and was in between jobs. So, I went to the doctor and to find out I was pregnant, I didn’t know how to feel, I mean sort of felt excited because I have been waiting for this moment. But the doctor told me there was a chance that it wasn't going to make it. Now I will tell you for a year before this I was going to church and I thought I was saved. But this tested that faith I had, I was devastated, I didn't know what to do and the only person I knew to talk to was my sister in law. She walked me through what will happen, what to look for and honestly, she made this process help me get through it. But it still made me angry, made me depressed, made me think was I not worthy to have a baby. This made my faith questionable because I didn't really know how to handle this. I was mad at HIM, mad that HE put me through this when HE knew I wanted a baby. It was tough for me to want to try again, I didn't feel like HE would give me a baby again. It was not good for me and my husband’s relationship because he thought I was falling out of love with him. It wasn't that it was just I put myself in a depression, felt like I was never going to have a baby, I wanted to experience that feeling. But one thing you need to understand is I have had problems with cysts on my ovaries and one of my doctors told me at one point that it would be very difficult for me to have children. So, all this sank in my head and made me very moody, I would cry constantly especially if someone else was pregnant. I blamed the MAN UPSTAIRS for doing this to me. But again, I didn't really know that HE wasn't the reason for me to put myself in a depression mode. As far as HE knew it wasn't time for me, HE was testing me with my faith and boy I didn't pass. I didn't want to do anything that involved HIM, I stopped going to church.

But in August 2015, we got the best NEWS possible, I was pregnant. I told everyone, made my first appointment which seemed to be a month away from when I found out. Now deep down I was scared that it was going to happen again because I concluded that when something amazing happened for me that HE would take it away from me. Why would I say that because I felt like he was punishing me because I never felt like I was good enough for anything especially HIM. But again, I didn't really understand HIS purpose. I would tell HIM don't take this away from me please. Months and appointment went by everything was still looking good. My husband and I were making bets on whether the baby is going to be a boy or a girl. Of course, if the baby was going to be a boy, I would have to learn how to make his grandmas pecan pie and if it was a girl, he was going to have to make me an awesome dinner. The day we found out he was so excited to have the pecan pie continue in the family. At the time I didn't like pecan pie, but man I make some pretty good pecan pie. Anyways the day came April 19th, 2016 our handsome baby boy was born and oh man I bawled and found myself thanking the ONE above. This my friends had started our next chapter. Let me tell you it was not an easy climb, now we talked about how we were going to parent before we were going to have kids, we talked about how we were going to be with each other. Well we were so wrong, we had to learn what each of our jobs were with this newborn baby boy, but most of all how do we find time for just us. It wasn’t easy, we fought I felt like every single day, I was moodier (lack of sleep), and all I wanted to do was hold and protect this baby boy. Honestly, at one point I felt like we weren’t going to make it, but I didn’t want to lose this wonderful man. This probably went on for about 2 years then I came home one day because work was starting to make me very unhappy too!! Like I said before I have a tendency of putting myself in a depression mode. But pretty much every day I would come home yell or give an attitude to my husband and my 2-year-old, I was not liking that because they don’t deserve it. Around that time our church that I attended but stopped attending because I was mad at the MAN upstairs, closed. I didn’t really have someone I could really go to. My husband’s family found a new church and we had always wanted to try it because we would pass it a lot and wondered about it. Well I went a few times, but I just couldn’t bring myself to go, my husband started to go because they had a live band and he plays about 17 different instruments. He used to go to nursing homes and play in a band that played old country and hymns. He joined the churches band, but I still couldn’t go even though he was going. Also, at that time we were trying for another child, but it wasn’t happening, and I was unhappy with my job. One night I was dead asleep, and I believe my husband was on a fishing trip with my dad, when I had heard three big knocks. We live out in the country, so I got my handgun and went to look what that was. No one was at either door, I didn’t know what to do, I mean this freaked me out big time. It took me forever to get back to sleep because what did that mean. I heard that three knocks could mean something bad and read that it could mean someone is trying to talk to you. So, I started to think what this could be, could it be someone was trying to contact me or was it a bad omen. When my husband got back from his trip, I asked him a question if there was something in the BOOK that says something about knocks. He couldn’t think of anything, but all that was going through my head was maybe this is the MAN upstairs telling me something. The next week I started to try and go to church again. Few months went by and I was really starting to enjoy going, but something always was pushing me to talk to one person there. Never could bring myself to go, so naturally I asked my husband again because he has more knowledge then I. I asked him what it meant when you have a strong feeling that you need to talk to someone and he told me well you just go talk to them. A couple of weeks went by and again my husband was on a fishing trip with my dad, I got the strongest feeling of all time. It is like a tingling sensation that goes through every joint in your body and I went to talked to her. That day started a BIG new chapter, a new beginning.