respectfully (official audio)

01. superwoman (plural)

untapped potential and infinite possibilities, that’s what university should be. but it’s not- because society only opens its doors for people who have the financial means to walk through.

it’ll weigh me down forever if i let society dictate where i can and cannot go. i can envision it now. me, holding my future daughter’s hand as i’m walking her to school.

“daddy, why didn’t you go to arizona like you promised?”

“kairi, daddy didn’t have the money to attend school in arizona, so he settled for a mere percentage of what he deserved, because society said he had to”

screw society. and screw those people who think it’s okay to ruin these little children dreams of being the next star before they even come into existence. screw the bullshit part of title IX where it states that universities may not discriminate by any means. financial discrimination is real.

children are naïve when it comes to price and the value of certain things, which is beautiful and simplistic in it's own right.

because to them everything is possible.

and just because we age, does that mean those doors have to close?

or do we subconsciously close them before we even have a chance to enter?

mental health is our key to opening the very doors that have been barred shut. and just like your best friend told me:

“you can’t be on top of your game if you’re losing. to be on top physically you HAVE GOT TO BE MENTALLY STABLE TOO ! even the greatest of people need a mental break sometimes.”

you two are my superheroes, hidden in plain sight.

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02. shawtys crib (quarantine)

“anybody home?”

a whisper soft “hey” greets me as i make the motion to knock.

tight in embrace : she pulls me close, brushing my cheek with her lips, as she whispers “it’s been so long”

three months ago, i could’ve cared less about some stupid memories. but now? now, i’ve learned to grab these intimate moments whenever you can get them, because although our age suggests adulthood, for people like us, tomorrow is far from guaranteed.

“come in” she says. “i want to show you my room”.

walking hand in hand, her shower soaked ringlets bouncing up and down in sync with our footsteps on her stairs.

↳ hearts racing as would any teenager; hands held tightly in the way that anxious children grab each other when they are surrounded by the unknown and there is isn’t anyone to hold.

as my eyes struggle to adjust to the dimly lit room, i look around to see if i can find something i don’t know about her in the remnants of her childhood:

pink pillows, dressers full of assorted perfumes and mascaras, a pile of stuffed animals in the corner...the usual suspects.

i must admit though, i love the way that the panda stares at me, multicolored as if he doesn’t comprehend the difference between black and white.

the beady eyes tell me, “you don't have to be physically inside of her to understand what’s going on inside of her”

i get it. the dream filled little girl flourishes here, whereas outside she would’ve been crushed by the conformity that is society.

standing by her bed, looking around as if i’m a stranger entranced by some foreign land -

*laughter*

“you look so uptight, just sit”

she pushes me on the bed, and as i motion to pull her waist towards me, i could smell

the faintest essence of coconut oil and warm vanilla....

your head on my shoulder, watching videos of typical teenage stupidity-

-in this world that we created, social distancing and staying six feet away applies to everyone but us ♡

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03. mimi and des (interlude)

“older brothers are supposed to bully their little sisters and give them absolute hell”

- is the narrative that the american media tries to sink into our children and when one looks at the plot of most children-friendly movies and television shows, the brother-sister tandem is a bond that’s often frowned upon.

but this quote on the other hand?

“blood makes you related, but loyalty makes you family...”

- is a motto that i’ve lived by when it comes to the bonds that i hold true to my heart.

i have over 200 people in my extended family, but i only consider my mother and biological sister mi familia because when i needed them the most, they were the only ones who showed up.

which leaves us to pick up the pieces and fill the voids that were filled with the wrong material.

insert mimi and destiny; two strangers with absolutely no blood relation to me whatsoever the former being the cousin of a toxic ex that had crossed my path and the latter being a neighborhood friend of my underclassmen whom i just so luckily randomly stumbled on struggling internally on her private story.

coincidence?

we don’t believe in those - because us writers are led by fate.

these two teenagers are everything to me: my heart, my soul, my inspiration; because i see so much of myself in them, their eyes, the way they carry themselves, the way they fight against the struggles that are the south bronx and the public school system.

i want my daughter to grow up just like them….

my headphones:

“how could I not protect mimi and des during this awful phase? never tried to hide who I was, they was taught and raised like some princesses”

nas is just preaching today. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

04. angels in disguise

she’s my hidden angel -

after another two am computer science homework grind, one that only led to broken circuit parts and an even more broken ego, i had no choice but to call her up.

“you need coffee? you? mr. energizer bunny himself? come over. no, you didn’t wake me, relax. okay, see you soon.”

she then opens the door and softly says “hey”.

me, always being nervous around her, regardless of what time of the day it is; i start to stammer out an explanation for why i felt the urge to call her at a time where everyone else is usually asleep, college student or not.

“shush. i understand. come upstairs.”

“you mind if i grab my stuff from my dorm and spend the night?”

“of course not.”

just us vibing, light banter and arguing over the littlest of things, the keys from alicia keys song “my boo” playing lightly in the background.

“you hungry?”

“no, i ate at the downer earlier. you?”

“i'm starving actually! i didn’t eat all day.”

“girllllll. it’s 4:30 in the morning in the dead of nowhere.”

“mcdonalds is open! are you scared of the dark or something?”

that being said, we head out on our way. me, you and your best friend. the two of you walking peacefully on the sidewalk right before sunrise, talking about something or other while i was walking on the yellow line in the median of the country road.

peacefully happy and unbothered.

i want to get back to that point again.

for us to get back to that point again.

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05. the color red // brie’s interlude

theory of knowledge. international baccalaureate lecture.

me and my best friend arguing back and forth:

“blind people can indeed use other senses to compensate for their lack of vision. they can see the color red just like we can.”

my ignorant self: “blind people are just blind period.”

the color red has a range of symbolic meanings, including vigor, courage, and love; but no matter the case, the color red manifests itself in connection to passion.

so maybe one doesn’t have to see it to feel it.

that connection just exists.

i remember seeing you in that red dress for the first time…

i was blind to everything that i had in front of me, -

but somehow, i can see you perfectly fine.

love’s blind, yet all-knowing.

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feinberg library. 11:23 at night.

“what you doing there?”

“oh, shit. you scared me, brie. i'm not up too much, just the usual writing grind. how about you? how’s work going?”

“work is the usual, as always. i got so much reading to catch up on for class. you inspire me to keep pushing. you’re going to be special, one day. keep doing what you’re doing....”

“hearing you say that means a lot. you inspire me to be better too, not just for myself, but in terms of my impact on the entire world. you’re like family to me. look at us with these matching red sweaters *laughter*. how could we not be family?”

“period, *laughing* how could we not be?

anyway, let me get back to this work grind!

"see you tomorrow…”

brie was just a stranger, someone who i randomly stumbled upon through a friend of a friend. maybe we’ll be there together to support each other forever, or maybe only for our time in college together. uncertainty in the unknown is the most terrifying; because at any moment the tables could turn and our relationship as friends could vanquish into thin air.

life makes zero guarantees...

but the lessons, no matter how brief, the lessons her and her friends taught me will stick around forever.

in the random circle of life, love is random and chooses unsparingly.

love is all knowing,

yet completely random.

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