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Relationship Mistakes Women are Prone to Make

by Miranda O'Conner 5 years ago in list / dating / advice / love

Working through problems can make a relationship strong, but avoiding relationship mistakes women are prone to make can strengthen it from the start.

Relationships are a tricky thing to manage, but many women feel the burden of relationships weigh them down, fearful of any number of relationship mistakes they could make. Perhaps they feel this fear because of society's pressures, or perhaps they feel responsible for these sorts of things.

Either way, there are a number of mistakes women can make that can potentially ruin a relationship. Now, it's important to note, obviously, men can do these exact things too... but the mistakes that men make – and there are many – are the subject of a different list. Right now, it is imperative to discuss the relationship mistakes women tend to make.

There is No Trust

This goes two ways.

Maybe your partner trusted you with everything. Their deepest secrets, their love, their passion. And what do you do? Spill their secrets to all your friends. Cheat on them when they're away. Take their passion, and soil it.

Or maybe you don't trust your partner with anything. You're always expecting them to break your heart, even if they have given you every reason to trust them. Your partner talking to another woman does not mean they're going to cheat on you.

Hell, even having dinner with a female friend – or having female friends - is normal once in a while and doesn't mean they'll cheat. None of that means your partner is cheating, nor does it mean they should be treated as though they are.

This means you shouldn't go through their stuff to "check" to make sure they aren't cheating. That is a sure-fire way to kill your relationship.

It doesn't matter which way it goes. Either way, the result is the same. Your partner will feel valueless, and, if they don't dump you immediately, they will be miserable for years. And it would be entirely your fault.

No one wants to be in a relationship where there is no trust. Why should you deal with that?

Going Too Fast

You shouldn't set wedding dates after date three.

This may seem fairly obvious, but many women go way too fast into the relationship, expecting long-term commitment before you really get to know the other person. Perhaps your biological clock is ticking. That's fair, but it's no excuse to bind a person down before they know who you are.

At best, you'll merely look needy. At worst, you'll come across as overly possessive and a little unstable. The point is, don't do that.

You Underestimate Your Value

Every person is capable of incredible things. It is impossible to overstate how much any one person can do in a lifetime. All the joy they can bring, the dreams they can accomplish. It is easy, though, to see the positive qualities in others. It's harder to see it within yourself.

Insecurity is a huge relationship-killer, but for women, in a society that constantly tells women "You aren't good enough," it is easy to feel like you really aren't good enough. You aren't thin enough. Aren't smart enough. Aren't sweet enough. Aren't cute enough. Aren't –

Stop it. You are. You're fantastic. Even if you have flaws, so what? So does everyone else. Flaws are what make us human, after all.

You Don't Understand Men (or other Women)

Depending on your sexuality, you're either looking for a handsome man or beautiful woman. Doesn't matter. This list applies to both of you, after all.

A lack of communication or understanding often leads to the desolation of relationships. No healthy relationship can foster if the two parties don't understand each other.

The reason a lot of heterosexual relationships fail is because women don't understand men. I don't mean the machismo stereotype of men. I mean how men really are. If you assume that all men are just sex hungry animals, you're doing them a real disservice.

Likewise, expecting your man to be Prince Charming is the wrong course of action to take. Fear of men is bad, but expecting them to serve you hand and foot while you do whatever you want is equally bad.

Some men can be demons. Some men can be angels. Neither should be used as a standard for the whole gender.

Or, if you like women, maybe you don't understand other women. Your mindset should not be the standard you apply to everyone else. Maybe you feel strongly about this thing, but that doesn't mean that every woman will share your opinion on that thing.

Again, that's just spitballing. The problem is more nuanced than I make it sound... but it's a start, right?

You're a Workaholic

Society really sucks. It gives the impression to so many women that, in order to equal the success of a man, you need to work twice as hard. Sadly, real world prejudices and sexism bring this mindset to life. So often, women do have to labor through so much just to succeed.

But the problem is that, if you live for your work, your partner will feel bad.

This can either be due to your partner's insecurities about his or her own success compared to yours (again, remember that first bit of advice about insecurity) or due to you never having time for your partner.

Their understanding can only go so far. A partner can understand how hard you're working – hell, even be proud for you. But, like all things, after awhile, always being left alone like some secondary interest can leave them feeling undesirable.

And, again, that can kill a relationship.

Striking a balance between work and play is essential. Hard, yes, and compromises need to be made... but if you don't compromise, things will break.

You're a Drama Queen

Your partner left the toilet seat up? Oh God, they may as well drown in the toilet themselves for how awful they are, and you're going to tell everyone about it, making sure that every monster knows how awful they are.

If you relate to this, you may be a drama queen. You start conflicts just to have someone to complain about. Everyone has issues. Everyone rants, but you rant for days about unimportant stuff.

This isn't necessarily a relationship killer, but it becomes one when you complain about things your partner does to make you happy.

Your partner makes your favorite dessert. You come home, and, rather than acknowledge this sweet gesture, you complain that your partner didn't wash a mixing bowl or something. You fixate on the worst details of any situation.

There's only so much of your complaining someone can take before they break.

Letting Go Of Yourself

This one is a little more complicated. On one hand, it's good to feel comfortable in a relationship. If you're uptight all the time, that may have a negative consequence on your relationship. It's good to sometimes wear sweats around the house now. It's alright if you gain a little weight from unhealthy meals shared with your partner. It's fine.

It isn't fine if you stop taking care of yourself.

It isn't healthy for your body or relationship. If your partner is only superficially interested in you, then not shaving your legs for a week, and exposing your rug of hair to them is a good litmus test to see if they only like you or your body. On the other hand, if your partner loves you, they don't want to see you in disrepair. They probably want you clean, polished, and vibrant. Shower regularly. Don't clog your arteries with tons of fast food.

Take care of yourself. Please.

You Try to Change Him/Her

Oh, the fixer-upper. You see your partner as inherently flawed for some reason, and you try to fix them so they can be better - by your understanding of "better." Maybe they're fat and you try to get them fit. Maybe they have a temper, and you're trying to help them. Maybe...

It doesn't matter. This is wrong.

It does not matter if you think you're good at this. It does not matter how hard you try. This will not work. For a lot of reasons.

For one, you are telling your partner that they are not good enough as they are. For obvious reasons, this can really hurt them, especially if they are already insecure in themselves.

For another, now you are stuck in a situation you find dissatisfying. Maybe you think your boyfriend needs to lose 30 pounds, but I'm sure there's another girl (or guy) out there who will love him as he is. Maybe your girlfriend's stutter annoys you, but someone else will find that adorable.

We can go on and on. The point is that if you don't really like what your partner is like right now, you are in for a tough ride, because you probably can't change them. You are now a toxic element in a relationship. Try to accept your partner as he or she is now, or else you might be stuck focusing on what isn't there.

Unless you stay with an abusive partner, and you stay by convincing you that you can change him or her. In that case, leave. You cannot "fix" them, and no positive quality they may possess is worth dealing with that.

You're in it for the Money

Entering a relationship because your partner is rich isn't uncommon. It also is a terrible idea.

If all you want is money and free stuff, then you're dating someone for the wrong reasons. You may rationalize that being treated like a queen is nice and all, but are you really being treated special?

Relationships like this end in a few different ways. One ending is that your partner catches on to the fact that you don't love them, and they break up with you. Well, now you're out of luck. Even if you have some money left, it isn't nearly enough to keep up your luxurious life style. You will be left miserable.

Another alternative? You grow bored of them and leave them. Maybe you take some money with you. Well, that relationship just failed.

Or, worst of all, you stay with him or her, despite the fact you don't love him or her.

What makes this scenario the worst? The crushing loneliness. Your persistence for money over all else – your materialism, your obsession – has left you with nothing. All the money in the world won't occupy that sense of existential dread knowing you will never feel love, passion –

In the end, you are left alone.


Miranda O'Conner

Body positive blogger, freelance sculpture, self-proclaimed connoisseur of whiskey, and forever in search of a hamburger as delicious as the ones you see in food commercials. Wendy's just doesn’t cut it.

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