Refuel & Reflection

This photo was taken by the love of my life, Joseph on March 6th 2020 around 1pm EST. This photo among so many in my archives mean so much to me. This photo in particular is memorable. I remember this entire day so well. We were at the old Erie Canal State Park in Syracuse , NY. About a month before he captured this photo of me we attended my mothers funeral February 9th 2020. My mom passed away unexpectedly January 31 2020. After her funeral in February I went in full blown isolation mode. I locked myself in the house. I hardly came out of my room. I didn't come outside at all. I am forever thankful to Joe for all the errands , love. Overall him being patient seeing his woman battle a pain he couldn't take away. He went any where I needed him to go for me or my dad. He cooked for me, he cleaned for me , he tried to make me laugh, he was being an amazing father and man while he was hurting too. He loved my mom like his own. At the time I wasn't there to comfort him as he comforted me even when I pushed him away constantly. During that month of isolation I had his understanding and support to allow me to grieve my own way. Though he constantly did try to encourage me to talk about my feelings, and get out doors, but I didn't. I did not want to go outside in a world my mom was no longer apart of. From January 31 2020 to March 6 2020 I cried everyday , all day missing my mother. I kept feeling an ache in my heart that I thought was going to take me out of this world. Being a mom myself I had no idea how I was going to go on without the one who taught me and gave me everything I needed to carry on and live without her . The thought of that March 6th I woke up and did not cry . I acknowledge that and wondered was I all cried out. No, because there will forever be more tears to come. When you lose the woman you were close to , who was your biggest supporter and who gave you life. You will mourn them always. You just find ways to cope. But that special day in March I felt as if she wiped my tears away for just a moment. I told Joey I want to go outside and smile around my favorite place which is any type of nature. He found the perfect place where I took this picture. My smile is so authentic. It defines my strength to push through without one of the most important people to me who is no longer in my life physically , but remains in my heart spiritually. My smile reflects the drive I have to fulfill my dreams and be the best mother I could be as I have had the best mother on earth. My smile in this photo reassures the season I was ready to embark on a few days before the covid19 NYS lockdown. I posted this photo on my Instagram page with this caption :

This season for me right now consists of 4 R's Refuel, Reflection, Rest, and Restoration. Who would had known losing my mom, covid 19 era and needing to heal from grief would allow me all the 4R's I so needed to carry on and rejuvenate. I am thankful writing is one of the gifts and loves I have as an healing tool. I am thankful for the Vocal platform to truly express myself as someone who loves everything theater, media and film. Writing can change lives and change the world. Or simply impact someone. This photo represents me beginning the next chapter of my life knowing my testimony will be epic. Pacing myself, being strong and redefining myself speaks all through this photo. What you see is a changed woman for the better who is facsinated with nature.