Red Flags

Is it possible to be too much of a nice person?

I believe so.

Let’s go back to a time in the beginning of high school: Sophomore year, to be perfectly exact. It’s a wonderful new school you’ve been accepted to, a trade school where you learn more about college than anything else. There’s around forty to fifty kids from what you can remember; they are extremely nice. It’s an open and warm feeling to be accepted so quickly by people you never knew existed. They give you tips on the classes, the teachers, the students, even the local hangout spots around the small area. There’s still the occasional “clique” or “group”, but for the most part, everyone still seems to get along rather well.

Out of nowhere, you hear an old student is coming back. They seem to like this person a lot and have nothing but high praise. You’re a little worried for where that will put you, especially now that you’ve got some good friends.

They arrive two months later after you join the new school, almost like a shadow appearing up from the darkness to form in broad daylight. You don’t know where they came from, who they are, or what they want. But there’s something off about them, they’re silent and secluded to a huge point. The students who had mentioned the high praise often try to speak to this student, but to no avail, it never works.

You decide to take a crack at it.

You mention enjoying their art or other various things you see in passing, hoping it would strike up a conversation and get on their good graces. They notice this rather quickly and they would start to join you during free time in class or outside during breaks. It’s going rather well actually. They teach you all sorts of new interests and get you hooked on becoming their best friend for how well you are getting along with each other.

But, they don’t like the other students as much as they do you. It’s odd, to watch a flag slowly appear from their aura, but you automatically chalk it up to be something similar to an orange hue rather than red. Even while they start to make fun of the students and drag their confidence down. You try to calm them down, hoping they would see the consequences behind their words before it go too far.

This goes on for around five months or so, consistently to a point where no one really talks to you anymore because of how close you are with that person. You state to your friend when you hear the news that some old buddies will be coming from your old high school, making you thrilled to have more people around in a nice environment.

They aren’t happy about that.

In fact, they seem...angry.

The flag grows bigger and bigger as time goes on, but you are determined to paint it orange everytime you see it. You can’t lose the one friend who’s given you so much in such a short time. It’s hard, and it makes you uncomfortable to a huge degree but you care about them so much.

But the flag can no longer be painted, once they say the words in a harsh, yet almost calm tone, “I am jealous of you having other friends.” What do you say? How do you react? Well, you brush it off unfortunately and say you will still spend more time with them instead. That’s how it starts.

You aren’t allowed to text certain people, you’re only allowed to go to their house, they will not be around any of your other friends. And you keep agreeing to their demands, like your life depends on it in some way. Especially now that the red flag has multiplied and grown around your body like a blanket.

It’s a year into the friendship and you are exhausted: mentally, physically, and emotionally. They make you highly uncomfortable at this point, especially with how you agree to do whatever they want at any given point. At the drop of a hat almost.

They let you keep one friend however, someone they have known for quite a long time. An older person whose married and likes the same things as they do. The friendship is also odd, especially with the age gap, but you two get along rather well either way. The other friend has no problem with this, seeing as they all mainly talk at the same time too.

But it starts to crumble, when you make a new friend that they also had their eye on. When they learn this, they’re extremely upset. And you cross the boundaries of a normal friendship to a captive teen and offer to stay away from the new person. They don’t respond.

In fact, they don’t talk to you for five months. And you are desperate to get their attention in any way you can. You text them every day, you message their mutual friend, you try your best to make them see you only want THEM as your best friend. But you get nothing in return.

You actually get tired of being caught up in this red blanket of depression and anxiety, especially when you got nothing out of it. You send a message, telling them they are acting like a child, and they could become your friend again when they grow up. The mutual friend thinks this is a terrible idea and wants you to apologize.

You don’t.

You block them both on all social media and try to get on with your life now that you’re on summer break. It’s hard when the friend comes back to apologize, in hopes you’d start the friendship again. You do, but only for a short month. Everyday is an agonizing anxiety attack in the corner of your brain, waiting for you to slip up and drop the wall you needed to build up to help yourself.

You tell them it isn’t going to work ever again, and you wish them the best. They of course post about their depression and speak out about how they wish they were dead. Not before they start to stalk you around for a few months. And it continues over the course of a few years, causing you to absolutely hate yourself for bending to their will when you could have stopped it all in the beginning.

A few years later, you look back onto the “friendship” now that you are out of high school with a great job and better friends. You get no closure, you don’t get to tell them off for how horrible they made you feel, and you always wonder what else they could have done?

You find your answer when you realize the mutual friend of theirs, was not real. In fact, they were made up by the old friend in order to keep tabs on you. To learn secrets, to know everything, to become your everything. And that haunts you to this very day, especially with new friendships and new people.

I was only fifteen when this started. We were friends until I was seventeen. I have not gotten my closure and I most likely never will. There’s hundreds of things I have left out of this story, but I will tell you this. I wanted to share this story in hopes somebody will take those flags seriously from now on. A red flag is a red flag, and you should NEVER justify it like I did.