Reconciliation With An Ex

Reconciling with your ex - how good is the idea of ​​reconciling with your ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend? Of course, at the moment it may seem like a very good idea - even the best idea that ever came to you!

Because for a while after a breakup, especially after a long relationship, all you do is regret, think that "maybe if things were different we wouldn't have gotten here", "maybe we can change everything", and the longing that you feel it makes you think that your only option is to try a reconciliation…

But it's not that simple: before you think about reconciling with your ex-partner, think about your relationship and the reason for the breakup! What makes you think things are different now?

Why would it work a second time if it didn't work the first time? Was the breakup a mistake or was the relationship a mistake? When you feel that longing and that inner emptiness after a breakup, it's hard for you to think about these aspects - all you want is to have him / her next to you again… But how good is this idea? Isn't what you do to go back in time and repeat a mistake, to suffer again?

Reasons for separation:

Infidelity. If you are thinking about a reconciliation with your ex-partner who was unfaithful to you, think twice! Will you still be able to trust him?

Did you forgive (can you forgive something like that)? Will, you not always feel a thorn in your soul, a wound that hurts, even more, when you are next to him/her? Won't you constantly ask yourself "Is he cheating on me?" And in these moments, no matter how much it hurts to break up, to punish yourself and live next to him/her, to always remember how you were betrayed hurts more…

In the opposite situation - when you are the one who betrayed, cheated, regret and you want reconciliation with your ex-partner, all you can do is try to show him your regret, explain it to him, tell him you would never do such a thing again and accept his decision!

You can't force him/her to reconcile with you if he/she can no longer trust you! And the reason for the infidelity is important when you think about reconciliation: was it a stupid drunken adventure or was it something more?

The mismatch. Did you have differences of opinion, did you often argue, did you just not fit in and were not compatible? Then maybe breaking up was a good idea - what would make reconciliation with your ex a mistake?

Maybe for a while, you will understand each other better, because you are happy to have him / her next to you again, but how long will it take for you to argue again?

Possessiveness and jealousy. Did you break up because you could no longer bear to have your partner look at you as personal property, to control and check you? Was he addicted, jealous, possessive, maybe even aggressive (verbally or physically)? And couldn't you bear to live like that? But after breaking up, did you wake up missing him/her despite all his / her flaws?

Do not delude yourself that he learned his lesson with the breakup! Don't think that he will treat you better this time, because he knows now that you can break up! On the contrary, if you get along well with him/her, he/she will know that you can't live without him/her and will soon get back to his / her habits…

Why - because possessiveness, excessive jealousy, and aggressive manifestations are part of what he / she is / it can change; you can't change him/her through a lesson if he/she doesn't want to! Conversely, if you are the one with such problems, you need to be aware of these problems and do something concrete to change - not just to promise them that "I don't do it anymore".

Same idea and if we talk about addictions: alcohol, drugs - you can't do anything to change your partner if he doesn't want to and if you get along, you wake up in the same situation.

Lack of interest, appreciation, communication… Did you feel unimportant to your partner, unappreciated, worthless? He/she seemed more interested in other things and did you always feel like you were just coming in 3/4/5? Weren't you spending time together for two and feeling ignored?

And did you think you deserved more? True, this can be bypassed-but not unless you're a techie who knows what he's doing. But ask him to show you that he is serious, ask him to show you that you are important to him/her, that he loves you, and that he appreciates you! Because he can try to reconcile just because he was used to having someone, that's all!

Relationship without a future. Did you break up because you wanted more, did you want your relationship to move forward, while he/she always said: "I'm not ready"? Did it always hurt that he/she didn't seem to want something more secure, something more serious and at one point you said that it has reached you, that you can't stand not knowing where you are and if you have a future together?

But now, you miss him/her so much that you feel like you were content with what you had before, could you forget the need to have something more? Think about it: why was he/she never willing to talk about the future, to make plans?

Did he see the relationship as something relaxing and fun and all that? Then why would you come back? If even after the breakup he/she is not willing to promise something serious, to make a compromise when discussing reconciliation, you have the answer.

Breaking up nerves… But sometimes it's not about cheating; incompatibility; possessiveness and aggression; nor the lack of future perspective. It is simply a sudden, spontaneous breakup, nervous! Maybe you didn't even think about it, it seemed to you that the relationship is fine and suddenly you hear yourself say - or you hear him/her saying - "ready"!

In these situations, nothing is easier than to say "it was a nervous mistake", "I didn't mean that, I was nervous". Nothing is easier than reconciling with your ex and forgetting this unfortunate "incident"…… but where did those spontaneous words come from? What made you or your partner suddenly say "I'm done, it's over"? Just nerves and upset? When there are such momentary outbursts and even if they are regretted afterward, it is important to think about where they were born.

More precisely - they come from somewhere, not only from the nerves, namely from a certain dissatisfaction, a void, a failure in the relationship. Think about the cause of that dissatisfaction or that emptiness and think about whether a reconciliation and a new beginning can heal, can change something or not…

Is separation something up to date for you? No sense in telling you now - I don't wanna ruin the surprise. You don't even take a breakup anymore, because you know all too well that you're reconciling? Are you temperamental and make this game of parting and reconciliation a habit? What you have to realize is that a couple in which dramas are often played - who do not find peace and always live tumultuously - are not happy!

Where there is no love… there is nothing! If the breakup was caused by the lack or disappearance of love - if he/she said he/she doesn't feel anything for you anymore, you just have nothing to do! You can't force someone to love you! You cannot inspire love through prayers. And to sit and hope that he will change his mind only hurts you.

So Can reconciling with the ex be a good idea? Many times, no! Because a breakup followed by a reconciliation doesn't change anything in your relationship (things only seem better soon after you reconcile, but everything returns to normal).

So, if you weren't happy in the relationship or if something happened that you can't get over, reconciling means just going through the same thing again. What hurts more than a breakup? The second parting! It is normal to regret, suffer, miss, and simply want to be with him/her again - but, as has been said, think twice before.

Of course, nothing is universal and there are cases of couples going through a breakup, reconciling and healing the relationship - but that would mean knowing exactly what needs to be healed and wanting that! Because any breakup means that there is something that needs to be resolved, healed - and often this is not possible…

One last tip - if and after you reconcile, you need to discuss what happened, discuss why it didn't work out and what you can do to make it work. But once you get past this step, let the past be past and stop talking about parting, past problems - don't reopen the wound!