Psychology on Relationships (My POV)

This is why you shouldn't get into relationships right away. This relationship you're getting into, without any information of the other person, may not work out after a while. Here's how you can work to see if it's love or just a crush.

So technically, if you're looking to date, try this:

Just find some new friends or start hanging out with old ones you fall out with.

- Now this means friends, not just one person. Not every one you go after (whether it's for a relationship or a friendship) will accept your offer. Now a reminder, this is not cheating. You are only looking for friends at this point. DO NOT make friendships only on the idea that you'll have a relationship with one of them soon.

You have a strong connection with one of them? Wait 4 months and see where that connection goes- But as friends! Don't vocalize your attraction to them. If at the end of the four months you start noticing little pet peeves or small nerves being poked, stop your attraction right there and just focus as friends.

-If the attraction continues, vocalize your attraction! Ask for a date JUST to see how it would turn out. When/If the date comes, ask questions about them constantly - and DONT go to the movies as a date! You can't talk at a movie. How would you get to know them?

Here's some things to know the person is also interested:

Consistent in communication, creates conversations well. No 1-3 worded responses. Asks questions about you. Not returning the question you just asked, but asking new ones, like specific details for the small talk you're asking for.

If they reject you, don't think of it as a bad thing! Don't think that your friendship is over! Things will only go bad if that's what you make it be. Some people are better off/meant to be friends.

Only be on the “talking stage" terms for 4 months. This talking stage does not include sex. If by the end you feel things are great, see what they feel too! If both ends are good, make it official.

Before getting into the relationship, discuss these topics:

Long or short-term. Discuss whether you know this is potentially for marriage or you’re just dating to pass the time. Don’t get into a relationship if you’re not going to decide this yet. Relationships don't last if you get into it with the mindset of 'we'll see what happens', because that indicates you are not trying.

IF LONGTERM:

Closed relationship. Discuss whether or not you want a relationship, but also to be able to see other people on the side for experience to. With poly being popular lately, not everyone is about it. Don’t expect your other to be okay with that. Talk to them first.

Kids. Discuss whether or not you want kids, how many you want, the parenting techniques you’d want to use. How would they get to school? Would you rather homeschool them? Who’s allowed to babysit them when you two aren’t available? If only one of you want kids and the other doesn’t, or maybe they say “I’ll rethink in the future”, you can try waiting, but if nothing changes I suggest you try something different.

Communication. Discuss what you two should do under a misunderstanding/argument. Do not walk away and ignore the issue, it will only be worse later on.

Love language. Find out each other’s languages, how they show love, and be willing to mix the two of them together. Your way of showing love will not always be the same as others, so if they feel you’re not being affectionate you should probably get into theirs more.

Jobs. Are you okay with one, or both of you never being home because of work? Are you willing to relocate if a job asks you to? Would your partner in question be okay with this? Would they go with? Relocating to a different town, if not state, can be a very major change.

Living together. Discuss how basic house chores would be done. Will both of you split them evenly? Would you switch back and forth to on who does what? Would only one of you take responsibility? Are you okay with the person who takes over household duties not having a job (stay-at-home wife/husband)?

If these things cannot be agreed upon, or a decision cannot be made, go ahead and give time to think, but if the original idea is not changed please do not step forward.

Extra Help:

People think relationships are just “you do your own thing and I do mine. Just stay loyal", but in reality, it's not. And half the time these people are not even loyal.

Relationships are doing things together.

It's living together.

It's being together as one.

It's sharing a life, a home, a meal, a closet with someone.

Potentially also sharing a child.

How do you expect to marry if you won't even be around said person all the time? How do you expect to marry if you can't split half and half with said person?

• Paying some bills?

• Doing laundry or dishes?

• Cooking foods you don't like, but they do?

How do you expect to marry someone if you can't be there for them during major events?

Financial struggles? Wage raise? Grief? New car?

Drunk? New house? Sickness? Graduation?

When you marry someone you are one with them. You're not just a couple with a shared bank account you can steal as you please. They are not just a place for you to stay. They are not just a person you have sex with. When you marry you literally vow to be there for them in sickness and in health.

Now don’t get me wrong, you aren’t around them 24/7 and you don’t have to be. We all have our own jobs, hobbies, friends. But marriage is what brings those things TOGETHER.

You're there for them when someone close to them dies.

You're there for them when they are ill or have injury.

You're there for them when they struggle with money.

You're there for them during not only the happy moments, but the troubled ones too. And you stay loyal to that person no matter the hardships you go through.