Poisoned

by Lisa Staires 2 months ago in divorce

Relationship

Poisoned

I feel drugged by the lies that have been pushed down my throat. Forced to obey and adhere to the lies of a corrupt lover. Poisoned by your words. Your sweet nothings that actually meant nothing at all. You just wanted me under your thumb, you just wanted control. You thought I would never walk away. You thought I would never leave because I was so in love with you. I'm surprised you didn't use the children in your quest to keep me with the lies you told me.

If I hadn't walked away when I did I'm sure you would have killed me with your poison. Push me to the edge of sanity, then purposely reel me back with the same sweet tasting poison that you always did. You wasn't anticipating my next move of walking away. You that I would always be there and this time I wasn't with you. The knife of betrayal you drove into my back; I ripped it out and let it bleed, so I could feel alive again without you noticing.

I became a monster in my own right because of you. I became more calculated with my moves. I started looking into what someone wanted from me instead of them just doing it out of kindness. The poison pushed into my veins have left their mark on me. My scars aren't physical, but they are there reminding me to never let anyone that close ever again.

You thought you had ruined me, when in fact you ruined your own self with all the lies you had told everyone. They got the truth from me. The straight cold hard truth, while you continued to tell them the same vague lies. You didn't even know how our daughter in the NICU was actually doing because you hardly went to see her.

You proved how much you cared for our daughters, especially our daughter with Downs. You don't even come to see them even when I see the door is open. My daughters don't have a father because you ran away. You were too upset that your poison didn't work on me anymore. Were you upset when you tried to poison me again that I pushed you away, because I was tired of being played by a child that didn't even know what having responsibilities were, Sadly my ex husband before you at age 24 was more mature than you at age 29.

I had hoped you were the one only to find out you were just another one. The one that continually poisoned me with sweet lies and used this to control my every move even after you moved out. I hope you're happy with the broken mess you made me. Unfortunately I'm resilient and learn from my mistakes. You were the biggest mistake I ever made. I would have stayed with my ex husband who treated me for the most part like a Goddess over being treated like a slave by you.

It's to late to change that now, but I found the right fit that is the polar opposite of you. I'm sorry that it ended the way it did, but I couldn't stay in the condition I was in because of you. I believe I would have turned into another suicide statistic because of the poison you so loved to use. I would have used the real thing and lost my very life because of you. My daughters wouldn't have a mother because of you.

I loved you with all my heart and all you wanted was a slave to keep. Sorry I refuse to be an obedient slave to do as you please. Understand you chose that path that divided us. All I wanted from you was love and all I got was what I had done wrong. You created the monster I am now. Its hard for me to trust anything or anyone, because of you.

You chose drugs over your wife and children. I'm sorry, I can't forgive you. You basically abandoned me, which I could have forgiven you for, but you also abandoned our daughters. I can't forgive you for that. Do you know how many times I've been asked where's daddy and I don't have an answer. It hurts to know my daughters don't even know who you are. You're just a vague memory if any to them.

I hope one day you can get yourself back on your feet and be the man you were supposed to be. I hope you will make someone truthfully happy and I hope you actually are able to feel real love. Apparently my love for you wasn't good enough or maybe you were to young to understand. Whatever reason I wish you the best even though I just chewed you from one end to the other with this article. If there's any of his buddies that see this, please forward it to him.

divorce
Lisa Staires
Lisa Staires
Read next: 'Chocolate Kisses'
Lisa Staires
See all posts by Lisa Staires