You sit back with him and you feel pure happiness. Its the best feeling in the world. Right? You have him he's yours, but what if his heart still belongs to another. Not in the since of he's cheating on her with you. Its more like their marriage soured. They couldn't get along, so they went their separate ways. Its been three years since they split.
You seen him at that time as a friend when the separation happened. He was broken. I shattered shell of himself. She had literally ripped his heart out and smashed it on the ground. You listened to him when he talked about it and how he was done with her except for their children they had together, but you also watched as anytime she called he would jump up and do as he was told.
He would work five days a week and on the weekends stay with his little ones while she went out to party and have fun. Very rarely was he able to go and do things he wanted. After three years of watching this and hearing him say he's moved on deep down you know he really hasn't.
You started hanging out as the friends you always were. Over time feelings begin to develop between and before you know it you're together. You believe you have found the one. He's great with you. He's great with your little ones and family members, but you still have that nagging in the back of your head that says you're second best and you will never be first in his eyes.
You push the nagging away and enjoy the happiness you've found. You enjoy your time you have with him no matter how small of time it might be. You can feel again. You can breathe again. You can be yourself again without upsetting anyone. This is what its supposed to be. The two of you still decide to take it slow because of bad relationships on both ends. Finally feeling like you again.
Then that nagging comes back every time he gets a call from her because she needs help with this or that and its usually 'sorry baby I got to go' almost every single time. It hurts more than you let on. You try to ignore it. You try to push it aside, but its always there in the back of your mind. Every time they meet up to drop off or pick up the children its there.
Makes you wonder if she asked him to come back to her would he? Where would that leave you? A heart broken mess? You try so hard to keep this feeling pushed back and try to stay positive. He would never hurt me like that. Right? You feel second best again. Like you were just the second choice he had and he decided to be with you just because she wasn't interested in him anymore and that he had finally given up on her.
Sadly it hurts... And it hurts a lot. You don't know if this is going to be the one anymore because he still pining after her even after all this time. He repeats himself often that he has learned his lesson and will not go back to her, but it feels like you're pushed to the back burner when she calls. Its one thing if its something for the little ones of course, but he bends over backwards just to please her in some way.
What Hurts The Most is being that person who puts on a happy face and lies through your our pain to make those around you happy. What Hurts The Most is no one sees your pain because you cover it so will. Even if you're dying on the inside all everyone around you sees is your happiness. But you don't want to change that... You would rather hurt than hurt others. You would rather suffer in the dark alone than cause someone else to suffer in your place.