Personality VS Character VS Looks

Young, dumb and shallow

When I was younger I was only attracted to men with dark hair and brown eyes, someone who was jealous and possessive. For some idiotic reason I thought that was attractive. I, myself had jealous and possessive tendencies, so any guy who reflected my issues was a ‘catch’ just as long as they had dark hair and brown eyes.

I thought it meant they really cared about me if they acted that way, even if they had bad morals and values. I really just liked the typical sleaze bucket because I was insecure. Now I know it’s toxic behavior and I wouldn’t ever tolerate men like that again.

From when I was a teenager up until I was 23-years-old I was never attracted to the ‘nice guys’ even if they had the look I liked. And men who had lighter hair and eye colouring never interested me. Obviously I had issues, but with age and life teaching me a few lessons I grew out of that dumb phase.

The lessons my ex taught me

It wasn’t until I met my ex that I realised my shallowness. It’s not that my ex is unattractive, but he wasn’t someone I ever thought I’d fall for. He had light brown hair, green eyes and his beard even had an orange tinge to it, something the old me would never have found appealing. He was sweet, honest, loyal, kind, a bit of a nerd, loved gaming and was the quiet type. The complete opposite of my usual taste. But I fell for him because of how different he was to what I had known. He proved that the nice guy is always the better option.

I never would have moved on from the sleazy type if I hadn’t of met my ex. He showed me that it was more exciting to be loved and not only desired. He taught me that I was too valuable to waste time on men who weren’t capable of loving me the way I should be loved. And he taught me that I wasn’t as shallow as I thought, all it was were my insecurities that made me that way.

When we broke up one of my friends admitted to me that she thought he wasn’t that great looking and I could do better. I was blown away by that statement, especially considering the man she was dating wasn’t the most attractive person. Even she thought he was unattractive, but it was his confidence and humour that kept her around. We both agreed that it was their personalities, values, and quirks that pull us in more than looks.

Personality is important

It’s natural for people to favor an attractive person over a less attractive person. We do tend to judge a book by its cover. It might be the way society is or maybe we are just shallow, plain and simple. But I truly believe when you get to know someone’s personality it can make you see them in a different light. That’s what people fall in love with and what adds to it is their character.

I’ve known people to be crazy about somebody because of how attractive they find them. They fall quickly and begin a relationship before even getting a chance to really know the person, this is usually lust. They might have common interests, likes, and dislikes. Maybe the honeymoon phase will last longer than usual because of it. But the moment they show their true colours that is what decides the fate of a relationship.

The more comfortable you get the more likely you are to start letting down your guard and showing your authentic self, letting your personality shine through. You could be the most physically beautiful person in the world but if they don’t like your character and personality then they won’t care much about your genuine self. Let people fall in love with your inner beauty. Cliche but so true.

Don’t underestimate the importance of character traits

Someone’s character is just as important as their personality. If you value honesty, loyalty, generosity but the person you’re attracted to doesn’t have any of those traits then why would you go forward with that relationship? We tend to put some much importance on the outward appearance of a person that we overlook character and what value they bring to our lives.

No matter how ‘sexy’ they are it would be an unfulfilling experience and will most likely lead to pain if they don’t possess the qualities you want in a partner. Something you should also consider is if you also will be bringing value to that person. It’s a two-way street, after all.

Layers

So, which one wins out of personality, character, and looks? Well, unfortunately, the loser is looks. Physical attractiveness is more of a condiment. Character is the main meal. Personality is the dessert.

But if you’re not attracted to someone's personality then it won’t matter how many good character traits they possess. And if you’re attracted to someone who has a great personality but doesn’t have good character traits then what’s the point? Looks do play a part in it too, don’t get me wrong but there is always so much more to it.

The best relationships are always the ones that surprise you because love is made from many different layers. The person you don’t expect to fall for is the most eye-opening experience. It can teach you things you didn’t know about yourself, or about others. You’ll figure out what you do and don’t like if you let yourself see people for who they truly are.

Thanks for reading, have a great day ❤

Originally posted on Medium