Letting Go After a Breakup

Let go of the dreams, let go of the life you envisioned together, let it all go and start building a new future that involves only what you want.

Breakups are tough. Going back to a life without that person can really disrupt the flow of life for a while. But when you have finally gotten all the crying out of your system and sang your heart out to all the love songs that exist you need to begin the letting go process. Yes, it’s a hard thing to do and yes it takes time but it is necessary.

Letting go can feel like you’re relinquishing control of a situation, but let me tell you a little secret — you never even had control in the first place. That’s meant to sound a little more comforting than it seems.

Knowing that you don’t have control of the situation should feel like a relief because you will realise that sometimes you’re unable to prevent situations from happening, especially when you didn’t have control to start with.

It’s scary and sad

Once you’ve let go and accepted the breakup that means you’re accepting this huge change that you didn’t ask for and it can be scary. It proves that the only thing you control is how you choose to handle your feelings.

You’ll be left wondering how many more times you have to go through heartbreak before you find the right person. Well, maybe you should become the person you want to fall in love with and eventually, your vibe will match up with someone very similar.

Hope is a bitch during a breakup

Let go of hope, that bitch is dangerous during a breakup. Imagine thinking that your ex is going to change their mind and come back. You wait around for days, weeks, months only to find out that they moved on while you were waiting for them. It won’t be as devastating if you avoid hope from the early stages.

Write down every thought and emotion you have

You board an emotional rollercoaster when a relationship comes to an end. One day you‘ll feel at your lowest and the next day you might actually feel like you’re on top of the world. Then you fall back down and you’re at rock bottom once again, it’s going to be like that for a while so start writing. Write out every little feeling you have. You can even write a hate letter to your ex, just don’t send it!

Let’s say you’re struggling with no contact, by keeping a journal you can write down what happened moments before the urge to contact your ex came about. You can journal how you felt when your ex reached out to you — if they do. Or how you felt when you contacted them. Jot down why you felt the need to contact them and be completely honest. Even keeping count of how many days you haven’t contacted them. Give yourself a ‘no contact’ goal.

Some days it might be harder than others, but by journaling your thoughts, feelings and reactions to things you might start to see patterns. You’ll be able to figure out what it is that triggers you into feeling anger towards your ex or yourself. You can pinpoint moments that caused you to cry or feel happy. Did you hear a song that triggered something? Or did the scent of perfume bring back memories? Journal how that made you feel. Writing everything out is very therapeutic.

The list

The moment I got dumped I immediately joined a breakup support group on Facebook. At first, I was reluctant to post about my issues but it has really helped. Everyone in the group is going through similar situations, they are there to listen and give great advice or to just let you know you’re not alone in this. It’s a really welcoming group to be part of and the perfect place to vent, so if you find that your friends can’t relate to you then I suggest joining a group online.

One woman posted an interesting bit of information on how she coped with her break up. She decided to list all of the bad qualities of her ex and everything that was wrong with the relationship. It was a long list with a few points that I could relate to. I scrolled through the comments and there were a lot of people adding their own lists. One comment that stood out to me was someone decided to list all the things they were thankful for and it went a little something like this:

Thankful that I no longer have to put up with his issues, abuse, or jealousy. Thankful that I no longer have to clean up after him. Thankful that I no longer have to put in the effort for someone who didn’t appreciate me.

And the list went on. I love both of those lists, they’re simple yet effective. Sometimes you need to remind yourself that even though the relationship had its good aspects don’t forget the bad side of it all. Even the most perfect relationship has its negative qualities, it’s just about how you deal with the problems together.

How can I let go when they want me back?

Sometimes this happens. Your ex dated around and couldn’t find anyone they clicked with, or they got lonely and missed you. Maybe they even realised what a horrible decision they made by dumping you. Whatever the case may be they’ve suddenly arrived back in your life and they’re begging for a second chance. Funny how that works, huh?

I’ve had this happen, maybe you’ve had this happen too, you might even know someone who had their ex crawl back after a while. I’m not saying this to get your hopes up, because chances are it won’t happen. It would be better to move on rather than waiting around. But what if it does happen, wouldn’t you rather be prepared?

Let’s say you two try to work things out after a period of being apart. What’s going to happen if you two reconcile and then the same unresolved issues come back up? Aren’t you worried your ex will up and leave again?

For some, it might have worked out. They meet under different circumstances, they’ve both grown and changed and figured out how to make it work this time around. But if the same old issues are going to arise then what’s the point? Like Einstein quotes: Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Conclusion

Letting go is easier said than done, but don’t let the pain take control of your life. You need to make a choice that it is time to stop giving so much energy to the sadness in your life and focus on what’s positive. That was something I struggled with for the first few weeks, but eventually, I healed and in time so will you.

Thanks for reading, have a great day ❤

Originally posted on Medium