Perils of Dating Sites

Going on a online dating site in the beginning means a thrill of a quest to find your significant other. Your soulmate, your best friend to then run to the altar to say the "I do's" and be labeled husband and wife. That would be very simple, you create an account, start searching or be found, and there you have it, you find a match. It was easy in the beginning. But not so now.

There's a lot of apps like Bumble, Tinder, Ok Cupid, and the long timers Plenty of Fish, Match.com and Eharmony, even Facebook has started doing their own dating site, with disastrous results! But of all dating sites I have been on and off, I honestly can tell, I didn't have a date with a person I met online. It began as constantly the "hi's", or "hey" and it all starts from there with just two or three words. Rarely they make questions. They rarely make at least the effort to make a paragraph, or at least a long sentence. And when it's a sentence, it could be something unimportant or irrelevant. It surely has my time so wasted replying to guys as soon as it hits "You have been matched" that it doesn't feel to have a chemistry at all when they're typing.

Mostly, I have been doing the first step breaking the ice since, they don't initiate their own because of their inability of dominance or lack of interest. And sadly, it just crumbles as if you're building a sand castle. Most guys on dating sites, have the illusion of having their own shit together. But honestly, who are they fooling? They could be a CEO of a health care company in the heart of Nashville and still don't know how to start or even hold on a conversation with a stranger. And I mean, is this the pool I have been dealing with? Guys who don't have the drive or ambition or even the Alpha male embedded in their system to meet the woman he wants to be with for the rest of their lives is as limited as going to a dog shelter to look for a Siberian Husky when all they have are Chihuahuas. Barking, annoying Chihuahuas. And online dating is frustrating! And more frustrating if you're a woman of color! In my case, as a Afro-Latina, it just goes down in a negative sense. I'm invisible for the first weeks unless I make the first move. If you're, let's say this honestly, mid 30's to almost 50's, the chances to get you into a healthy relationship decreases, because of the "realistic" market value society impose of women. The younger you are, the more probabilities is to be spoiled, dined and danced the whole months away into a wedding bliss. But for the rest, who pass their prime, has to deal with ghosting, canceling at the last moment, unsolicited and offensive dick picks, offensive words that only your own mother will blush...

Of anger.

So, after the last attempt of at least having a date that has been "cancelled" due to his part of having a "medical" issue involving his "aches" on his knees caused by being in the "armed forces." I, who have been working during the lockdown/pandemic with a rare two days off, standing up for more than 8 hours causing my ankles to hurt so badly I have to take Tylenol for the pain, had the time to come home, take a shower, get dressed, put some high heel sandals, sprayed in perfume from Bath and Body Works, styled my hair to then being texted up at the last minute with: EXCUSES. Childish excuses! It make me feel like Harley Quinn losing all her shit, or being in an episode of "Deadly Women" where the woman does something that can jeopardize her future. Let's leave it at that.

I didn't reply, I didn't have the time to tell him anything. He blew it up! He could have a nice chat time at that Mexican Restaurant he chose to meet up. But that being suspended, cancelled to have a good time, I won't accept. I basically blocked and delete the number. Instead, I went to Applebee's by myself and later to Walmart and later home. And that is when I put dating sites to rest. I didn't want to bother with leftovers, non-commital guys, guys who are unsure what they bring to the table. Guys who lack confidence, guys who are not 100% single (physically and/or emotionally). Giving the benefit of a doubt for so long, that I just choose that my well being and my sanity is more important than the doubts to my confidence and self-esteem regarding who will notice me. Walking away from dating sites, that offers leftovers, might be a great idea after all. If the Universe will send the right man into my life, it has to be with no bull, no excuses, direct to the chase. Right now, building my life from the ground up is my main concern and priority.