PAUL WHITE: How to win the happiness battle each day

Wouldn’t it be great if we didn’t have to battle for happiness each day? Life could be so wonderful if happiness could just freely flow into us providing joy, and out of us to share that joy with others.

I’d like to share with you a good tool that can place you on the winning side of the happiness battle. A good tool that you can become proficient enough with that you can eliminate having to battle altogether. This good tool that I’m talking about is one that everyone is already in possession of. The majority of us keep it hidden in the bottom of our “toolbox of life” where it languishes and gets rusty from lack of use. Unfortunately, several of the tools we choose to employ each day bring us more harm than good. We seem to choose these bad tools with our subconscious where they’re kept well-oiled and ready for battle at a moment’s notice. Why? Well, because our current culture promotes the bad tools use for battle without any consideration of damaging outcomes of their use.

While we might win the “battle of the moment,” we lose the war depriving us of the happiness we crave.

I’ll focus first on three bad tools that so many people have become proficient utilizing on a daily basis without recognizing that they’re losing the happiness battle because of them. The three bad tools I want to discuss are bitterness, anger, and resentment. They’re related to each other and each one acts as fertilizer in helping the other two grow and become cemented in our thoughts, words, and actions. Remember, it’s our actions that define our true character.

Let’s start with bitterness. Someone allowing bitterness to enter their persona is generally angry, resentful, and sarcastic. The website thefreedictionary.com suggests definitions that include: Causing a sharply unpleasant, painful, or stinging sensation; Harsh, and difficult or distasteful to accept, admit, or bear; Proceeding from or exhibiting strong animosity; Resulting from or expressive of severe grief, anguish, or disappointment; and Marked by resentment or cynicism. NONE of those definitions offer a path to happiness nor positive outcome potential. Think about it. If you ever find yourself in a situation where bitterness begins to build in your mind, you need to recognize that the outcomes of the battle you’re about to enter won’t include happiness. Which in turn begs the question, why even engage? Seth Godin says “Bitterness is never-ending, impenetrable and refuses to negotiate. If you give it a chance, it will persist. It lacks nuance or surprise. It’s simply a wall you can lean against, whenever you choose.” I agree with him and frankly find bitterness useless. And yet it persists in so many of us. How can we stop that?

Consider the bad tool called anger. It’s a strong emotion excited by a real or supposed injury. It could also be defined by wrath or rage or hostility or even a strong feeling of displeasure. If it were on a menu I can’t imagine anyone ever ordering it, yet people choose it every day. For some, it’s their most used tool due to how quickly it can appear and how hard it is to put away. Doesn’t it seem strange that, in an attempt to help ourselves, we would choose a tool that can only move us in a backward direction? Hasn’t anger destroyed more marriages, careers, friendships, partnerships, and companies than any other emotional tool? It seems to have the worst track record of them all and yet so many continue to use it as the first tool to come out of their toolbox for life. How can we stop that?

What about that fancy tool called resentment? You know….to show or feel indignation at; to retain bitterness about; ill will stemming from a feeling of having been wronged or offended. Wouldn’t you agree that if we gave each day really close attention, we’d notice we get wronged and offended several times a day? That driver just cut me off. Who used the last of the toilet paper and didn’t put a new roll on? You invited everyone in the office except me. You want me to wire you how much money so you can then send me the lottery money you say I won? I’m glad you’re an automated voice that I can talk to in complete sentences…I’m just waiting for a single shred of evidence that you understand anything I’ve already said. Yup, we never have to worry about a resentment shortage. It appears there’s an abundance for everyone. The problem is all of this resentment acts as a roadblock to happiness. Got resentment? That means you ain’t got happiness! Why anyone would choose to utilize the bad tool called resentment is beyond me. So….How can we stop that.

At the beginning of this article, I mentioned that we all possess a “good tool” that can allow happiness to freely flow into us providing joy, and out of us to share that joy with others.

The good tool we all possess is forgiveness. It’s one of the most powerful tools in our toolbox for life and can instantly change any situation that’s moving in a bad direction to one that can provide a natural win in the happiness battle we sometimes find ourself in. I admit it’s not a tool that works automatically. It requires that we learn how to make it most effective. This is accomplished through consistent practice.

Person cuts you off? Forgive. Didn’t replace the TP? Forgive. Invites everyone but you? Forgive. Sends you an email trying to trick you? First delete, and then Forgive. Can’t push any button to speak to an actual human? Forgive.

Did I say that mastering forgiveness was easy? No…but it’s so worthwhile. Why? Because forgiveness offers the shortest, and quickest, path to happiness. I also want you to acknowledge that sometimes the best use of the forgiveness tool is to forgive yourself. None of us are perfect. If ever you find yourself causing others to experience bitterness, anger, or resentment, just stop, forgive yourself, apologize, and move in a positive direction using the good tool forgiveness.

Please don’t try to overthink this. The thought process I’ve offered you today is a powerful one that can help you win the happiness battle every day. So, c’mon. Ponder it. Embrace the logic of the message. Dust off your forgiveness tool and make it your go-to tool to experience the joy you are destined for. Remember, I Believe in You! GiddyUp!

Paul White is an entrepreneur, retired Midland businessman and a guest columnist for the Midland Daily News. He can be reached at [email protected]