One New Like

The rain insistently tapped on her windowsill, in a rhythmic pattern, much like an uninvited relative knocking to get in. Solitude was what she sought after. How can someone find solitude in a city, she wondered. In an urban environment where a young person simply can’t afford to live alone. In a society where men are constantly on the hunt for a meaningless physical connection and just don’t let up. She glanced at her phone and saw the dozens of notifications from each social media app and dating app, that she purely downloaded out of boredom one night with her fellow single friends. She just cleared these. With no interest at all, she found herself still opening the dating app. Only swiping through those who liked her, that was her deal. She never swiped first; honestly, she rarely had the time if she started with the likes. One hundred seventy three. That was the most she had at a time after just one weekend of not opening the app. She loved the attention, but knew she wasn’t ‘special’. Guys are dogs, right? They’re probably swiping right on everything in hopes to just get their rocks off. What was she doing? She didn’t want to open that app. And now somehow she found herself on ‘the gram’ scrolling through pictures and videos full of people with fake smiles, unrealistic filters, and portraying lives much more lavish than they actually live. At least she hoped so, because that’s what her posts were full of. She’s not ‘special’. She put her phone down and walked over to her window. The rain was beginning to let up. She never saw herself married with kids, but in a world where everyone finds happiness with another person, even when you find happiness alone you’re almost forced to feel lonely. Friends find lovers, have kids and move on. Family seems to abandon you once you’re of age and stop listening to their propaganda. How can someone want to be left alone so bad yet feel so bad when they’re alone? She can shake this feeling, she thought. She’d have to shake it every time she was alone, but she could do that.

A pebble hit her window. She looked down and saw him in her neighbor’s driveway with a palm full of pebbles. They made eye contact. He threw another pebble anyways, this time with a big goofy smile on his face. She liked his playfulness. She told him she wanted to be alone for a while, from everyone. She wasn’t mad that he didn’t listen. She cracked the window open and realized he was soaked.

“What are you doing?”

“Saying hi! I got something for you...”

She motioned for him to come around and meet her at the front door. She began to look in the mirror, to make sure she looked ok, but then she changed her mind. She didn’t want anyone to influence how she acted or how she felt about herself. He knocked as she approached the door. She opened it and cocked her head; he knew she was coming. He stood there, a book in his hand and that same goofy smile on his face.

He didn’t say much, ever really. Except when they were completely alone, usually late at night; then they would talk for hours. He extended the book and his goofy smile turned into a sweet one. His eyes softened as he looked into hers. He said it all without saying a word. She smiled back and took the book.

“Thank you,” she said, as she looked down and realized it was the book she had told him about in one of those long late night conversations. The book she had lost on the train one day, but had reread it a dozen times because it just always helped her get through whatever she was facing. He remembered. He came by just to give this to her?

“Of course.” He paused for a second. He wanted to say, or maybe do, more. But he respected her wishes, best he could she guessed. “Sorry for intruding.”

“You’re fine.” She put her hand on the doorknob. He seemed almost defeated, in a way. He smiled and expressed how much he hoped to see her soon but it’d only happen when she initiated. He turned and walked away. She shut the door and held it shut for a minute. Maybe he deserved a hug. It would’ve meant a lot to him, she thought. To him, she was special. She returned to her room and sat in the bed with the book and her phone. She would’ve really liked to have hugged him. She puts the book on her nightstand and opens up her phone. Eight new likes.